is this true? People in shape /people out of shape (lifting, gym)

[stevemorse]

I have noticed that people who are very out of shape do not want to make friends with people who are in shape? I have been contacted by some people recently for outting and friendship and the women who are totally out of shape tell me that I am too hyper and too different so they blow me off. Now the people who are in shape do not see me that way at all. Odd, most are over 40 , I am 43. This makes me sad.

[toosie]

I would guess that it has more to do with shared interests and how well you relate to each other on topics other than fitness, than on who is in or out of shape. For example, I'm in decent shape with room for improvement but I'm not a gym bunny or athletic. My cousin is a power lifter and spends lots of time at the gym. I like to hear "some" about his progress but, honestly, after about 20 minutes straight listening to details of his lifting routine I start to glaze over. Thank goodness we have other topics that keep us both interested - he saves his in-depth gym analysis for other friends and I rave about my new scrapbooking supplies to my scrapping buddies

[Ohiogirl81]

Do you talk about anything other than being "in shape"? I enjoy people's company more if they have a variety of interests.

[JMadison]

There's a possibility they don't want to risk a relationship with someone who has a physique centered set of values, that of course they won't be able to measure up to.

FWIW I used to lift. I can talk training all day. However I have friends that were Pro bodybuilding contest winners back in their day. Have to admit, hearing, "I worked out like a madman today... traps chest, delts and arms... when I get down to xxx lbs. I'm going to compete again!" year in, year out gets old. Or when they get pissed at someone not a bodybuilder it's always... "That little pencil necked weasly geek", etc.

By definition the had to focus on that sort of thing for years, and it is what they base their self worth on. No different than a musician talking about the gigs he's done or the rags to riches type talking about his 5 homes in Malibu... but bodybuilding has such a narcistic angle to it, that it often puts people off for that reason alone.

So, if you tend to come across as "my workouts, my physique, look at how big and strong I am", some folks, especially out of shape ones, are going to wander away, LOL!

[lola8822]

I think it has to do with self confidence.....people just don't want to feel bad about themselves or put themselves in situations where they would end up feeling guilty or not equal to. I bechya if you found a very confident out of shape person (I’m sure they are out there) they would have no problems hanging with you . Personally, I have more in common with people who enjoy life actively so those are the types I choose to surround myself with.

[stevemorse]

thanks I think all your answers are correct. I can see alot of all your points.

[stevemorse]

Originally Posted by lola8822

I think it has to do with self confidence.....people just don't want to feel bad about themselves or put themselves in situations where they would end up feeling guilty or not equal to. I bechya if you found a very confident out of shape person (I’m sure they are out there) they would have no problems hanging with you . Personally, I have more in common with people who enjoy life actively so those are the types I choose to surround myself with.

this makes the most sense to me. How bright and smart you are!!!

[fishnfool]

People in shape just tend to have more active interests and every day activities. I hit the weights and run a lot (but I don't enjoy it for the most part) but almost every weekend I'm out hiking, biking, playing tennis, kayaking, climbing etc.

Essentially I'm in shape because of the activities I enjoy...not because I'm a gym freak who eats breaths and sleeps nutrition, training, and my BMI. I work out and run so that I can do my activities at a higher level.

Most people who are out of shape aren't into any of those things so I probably won't hang out with them...not because they aren't good people or because I'm a snob....just because we have different pursuits. They'd rather be doing some other activity than what I would choose to do.

[LaoTzuMindFu]

Originally Posted by lola8822

I think it has to do with self confidence.....people just don't want to feel bad about themselves or put themselves in situations where they would end up feeling guilty or not equal to. I bechya if you found a very confident out of shape person (I’m sure they are out there) they would have no problems hanging with you . Personally, I have more in common with people who enjoy life actively so those are the types I choose to surround myself with.

Best post of the thread so far.

I think it totally has to do with those who are out of shape lacking in self confidence and would always feel bad about themselves when around others who are in shape. Some others posted here saying "If you have other things to talk about ......blah blah blah...." which I think is wrong because people like that dont even give you a chance. They just let their poor self confidence get in the way of perhaps making a good friend.

[J Arp]

I'm friends with in-shape people.

Round is a shape.