Do women feel overlooked or at a disadvantage with other women. (light, male)

[Joy74]

Originally Posted by jade408

If I, as a darker black woman waited around until my type of beauty was in style, I'd have the lowest self esteem ever. I work with what I have, and don't worry about what everyone else thinks.

Probably so if your just speaking of the U.S. Once you leave the country, you will see just how desirable and advantaged dark-skinned black women are. Every single American Black women that I have met that have spent some time abroad as told me that they came back a changed woman in regard to how they see themselves. They were often told how beautiful they are. They were simply considered beautiful women period. They found that their dark skin was a recognized as an incredibly attractive feature.The current Miss World is a dark-skinned African woman from Angola. Basically, I'm saying that internationally, its just a entirely different story.

[UnexpectedError]

Originally Posted by Joy74

Probably so if your just speaking of the U.S. Once you leave the country, you will see just how desirable and advantaged dark-skinned black women are. Every single American Black women that I have met that have spent some time abroad as told me that they came back a changed woman in regard to how they see themselves. They were often told how beautiful they are. They were simply considered beautiful women period. They found that their dark skin was a recognized as an incredibly attractive feature.The current Miss World is a dark-skinned African woman from Angola. Basically, I'm saying that internationally, its just a entirely different story.

I wonder where they travelled that they felt that way. I know that when I spent some time studying in Paris, I often hung out with three other girls in the program: 2 white and one black. Us three white women were constantly hit on and had young men trying to woo us, but the black girl was ignored and even had some nasty things yelled at her at times, despite her being very pretty and having a happy, bubbly personality. It never seemed to sway her but I was still very surprised at how the young men reacted to her compared to us.

[jade408]

Originally Posted by Joy74

Probably so if your just speaking of the U.S. Once you leave the country, you will see just how desirable and advantaged dark-skinned black women are. Every single American Black women that I have met that have spent some time abroad as told me that they came back a changed woman in regard to how they see themselves. They were often told how beautiful they are. They were simply considered beautiful women period. They found that their dark skin was a recognized as an incredibly attractive feature.The current Miss World is a dark-skinned African woman from Angola. Basically, I'm saying that internationally, its just a entirely different story.

My perception of my skin tone shifted when I moved to the South. That's when I found out about the whole concept of a skin tone hierarchy. It wasn't an issue or even mentioned (as far as I could tell) as a kid growing up in middle class California suburbs.

College was a completely different story. Generally speaking, I find Europeans are excited/fascinated. But this doesn't happen in the American black community. I am a lot more likely to be mistaken for someone "African" once I am outside the African-American community. Especially, in the Bay Area, where classism is pretty rampant, and many college educated black people are from Africa. Africans, of course have their own negative stereotypes about African-Americans as well, so it can be assumed that if you went to college, you are Nigerian.

I had a whole new perspective on my "americanness" when I had a class mate from South Africa. Us naive African-Americans always have this fake kinship of Africa as "home" where we'll be "accepted." She informed me, because I am American, I'd be considered "white" if I went to visit her. It is really interesting how different perceptions can be.

I don't have issues with my looks, but I am not holding my breath until I see someone who looks like me starring in a lot of movies and becoming one of the best paid actresses in Hollywood.

[Joy74]

Originally Posted by UnexpectedError

I wonder where they travelled that they felt that way. I know that when I spent some time studying in Paris, I often hung out with three other girls in the program: 2 white and one black. Us three white women were constantly hit on and had young men trying to woo us, but the black girl was ignored and even had some nasty things yelled at her at times, despite her being very pretty and having a happy, bubbly personality. It never seemed to sway her but I was still very surprised at how the young men reacted to her compared to us.

My friend had the exact opposite experience in Paris. She is a dark-skinned black women that was approached by white guys constantly. The guys kept telling her how beautiful she was. My other friends have traveled to England, Italy, Germany, and Ireland. All were treated well by the locals. Your friends experience in Europe is rare. She would most likely experience such horrible treatment here in the U.S. from her fellow Americans.

[sunkisses87]

Originally Posted by Joy74

My friend had the exact opposite experience in Paris. She is a dark-skinned black women that was approached by white guys constantly. The guys kept telling her how beautiful she was. My other friends have traveled to England, Italy, Germany, and Ireland. All were treated well by the locals. Your friends experience in Europe is rare. She would most likely experience such horrible treatment here in the U.S. from her fellow Americans.

One of my friends(who is also dark skinned, tall and thin) also had horrible experiences abroad, she was in Spain and other parts of Europe and was treated very badly by men. She didn't get hit on at all. My youngest sister is in China right now studying abroad, she is light skinned, and is not being hit on either. Just saying... I don't think every dark skin woman or african american woman has the same experience over-seas, but it would be nice if they did.

[Joy74]

Originally Posted by jade408

My perception of my skin tone shifted when I moved to the South. That's when I found out about the whole concept of a skin tone hierarchy. It wasn't an issue or even mentioned (as far as I could tell) as a kid growing up in middle class California suburbs.

College was a completely different story. Generally speaking, I find Europeans are excited/fascinated. But this doesn't happen in the American black community. I am a lot more likely to be mistaken for someone "African" once I am outside the African-American community. Especially, in the Bay Area, where classism is pretty rampant, and many college educated black people are from Africa. Africans, of course have their own negative stereotypes about African-Americans as well, so it can be assumed that if you went to college, you are Nigerian.

I had a whole new perspective on my "americanness" when I had a class mate from South Africa. Us naive African-Americans always have this fake kinship of Africa as "home" where we'll be "accepted." She informed me, because I am American, I'd be considered "white" if I went to visit her. It is really interesting how different perceptions can be.

I don't have issues with my looks, but I am not holding my breath until I see someone who looks like me starring in a lot of movies and becoming one of the best paid actresses in Hollywood.

The colorism issue in the South is on the same level found in places like India. Just archaic and backwards. In regards to Africans here in the U.S. they handle their business. Education is of supreme importance, and it shows in the fact that they are most educated of immigrants. In regard to South Africans, technically, South Africa is not the ancestral home of African-Americans. That would be West and Central Africa. Those are the regions our ancestors were taken from and those related to our ancestors currently live. African Americans searching for "home" in South African will never find it. Wrong region. "Home" is more like Ghana, Liberia, Nigeria, Senegal, Sierra Leone, Cameroon, Congo, etc. Those are places where Africans were taken and brought to America.

[1orlando]

I have been to several bikini contests and have seen fist hand how women can be overlooked and it makes me sick because the problem is not necessarily that they are overlooked only because of their looks but also because of who they are. men are simple minded creatures I think but that precisely creates another problem which is impaired their judgement.

[orangeapple]

I don't see attraction as needing to be "equal opportunity". I don't cry "unfair" because someone doesn't find me attractive....they don't owe me or anyone else in that regard. If their standards are too high or narrow, then they're generally hurting themselves; it says something about them too... I don't think I'd want to date someone who would be seriously going against what they're naturally drawn to just to be "fair". I want someone who genuinely finds me attractive.

I may not be the ideal for many (too thin or whatever), but I'm sure there are enough men out there who would find me attractive enough to consider as a potential partner or whatever. I don't get hit on much, but I also have an aloof demeanor (not intentionally...just shy & quiet). I do see THAT as a disadvantage & feel I'm overlooked because of it, but I can't expect people to read my mind & know that I'm actually friendly/approachable. I'm also not interested in copping a faux bubbly demeanor that is NOT me. While that may be the ideal female personality, I'd rather wait for someone who appreciates a more reserved, pensive type.

I generally don't feel competitive with other women though. I'm proud of my friends who are beautiful. I don't need to be the prettiest woman in the room nor do I feel a lesser value if someone gets more attention than me.

[Jdawg8181]

Women feel overlooked when they see me, not the other way around.

[Joy74]

[quote=sunkisses87;24865050]One of my friends(who is also dark skinned, tall and thin) also had horrible experiences abroad, she was in Spain and other parts of Europe and was treated very badly by men. She didn't get hit on at all. My youngest sister is in China right now studying abroad, she is light skinned, and is not being hit on either. Just saying... I don't think every dark skin woman or african american woman has the same experience over-seas, but it would be nice if they did.[/QUOTE

It is true that every women is going to have a difference experience. My friends experiences have been among the positive ones. I will say that American Black women may look into visiting, studying, and working in places where dark-skinned Black women are in the majority, and therefore overwhelmingly preferred. An entire continent comes to mind, as well as many, many islands. In regard to China, your cousin's light skin has no advantage there. She should go to India for that. Their preference for light skin is even worse than Black America's preference for light skin. Yes, dark-skinned Indian women endure the same kind of crazy treatment that dark-skinned American Black women endure. In any case, your friend that went to Spain should try Ghana next time. I am certain she will have a profoundly different experience. She will be the preferred type.