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Old 06-29-2012, 08:08 AM
 
Location: Astoria, NY
3,053 posts, read 3,426,702 times
Reputation: 2475

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This is weird, and hard to describe to other people...but I've completely lost interest in sex and dating in the past two months.

I've always loved men and constantly going out on dates, in fact I've been teased by friends and family members because I always seem to be meeting a different man and my life is always rapidly changing.

In April, I decided that I was going to go on a cosmetic journey, and get several procedures I've always wanted, jaw reduction, breast augmentation, rhinoplasty, and liposuction...now that I can somewhat afford it. The thing is, though, working for it, researching on it, and spending time on cosmetic surgery forums has nearly completely swallowed up my life. I don't go out with friends anymore, and I do not date or hook up.

I don't know what it is. Partially it is exhaustion from working so much, but mostly because I really think I cannot enjoy being with anyone until everything feels...perfect. I completely blow off anyone who tries to talk to me whether I'm interested or not, and I went from having a pretty high sex drive to one that is completely non-existent. For the first time in my life since being sexually active I can say I have zero interest in having sex with anyone.

For a minute I thought I might be slightly depressed, but that's really not true. I have a lot of energy...for working, reading up on my procedures, planning dates and consultations, just not much energy for anything else.

Now I'm kind of worried as this process will take a while (jaw reduction and augmentation, what I call rounds 1 and 2 will be done in 2 weeks, but rhinoplasty and lipo plans may drag on til November), and all this time I will have cheated myself out of opportunities to meet people and enjoy myself. But it's not an option not to do these things.

I'm thinking maybe a forced hold up between my augmentation and rhinoplasty where I make myself go out and date will be helpful, but part of me doesn't want to wait and drag on this process.

 
Old 06-29-2012, 08:23 AM
 
5,485 posts, read 6,070,318 times
Reputation: 5793
Or you could just accept yourself as you are, and be content with it. If you have constantly had men interested in you, perhaps it means that you're already perfect in an imperfect human way. I am a perfectionist myself and have to often remind myself that chasing perfection leads to nowhere. Not sure what advice to give other than that, but am not a big fan of plastic surgery in general unless there is a really good reason for it. You're a beautiful woman, so i am not sure what your reasoning or need for that is.
 
Old 06-29-2012, 08:25 AM
 
Location: Astoria, NY
3,053 posts, read 3,426,702 times
Reputation: 2475
Oh, not doing the procedures is not an option. I'm looking for advice on how to change my mentality so I'm open to meeting people.
 
Old 06-29-2012, 08:33 AM
 
Location: New Zealand and Australia
7,458 posts, read 11,122,379 times
Reputation: 7783
Its late and I'm going to sleep soon, so its too deep a subject for me right now, might reply another time.
But after seeing your photos awhile back, you didn't need any work done
 
Old 06-29-2012, 08:35 AM
 
Location: Chicago
38,691 posts, read 86,797,403 times
Reputation: 29355
I'd offer to rekindle your interest but I don't think my wife would be especially pleased.


Quote:
Originally Posted by xxbabeechick View Post
Oh, not doing the procedures is not an option. I'm looking for advice on how to change my mentality so I'm open to meeting people.
So let's see.... before, you were interested in having a social life and a dating life. Now that you're so focused on your body image... not so much. At the risk of sounding like a cliche -- between that and wanting to fundamentally change many of your physical attributes, it sounds like you have some genuine insecurity/body image issues. If that's the case, I have serious doubts that going through the procedures will do anything to resolve them.
 
Old 06-29-2012, 08:40 AM
 
1,575 posts, read 1,423,663 times
Reputation: 3754
What you have posted suggests that you are not a good candidate for these procedures for psychological reasons right now. This is not meant as an insult at all. I was told by my then-treating psychiatrist that if he were consulted by a surgeon regarding any additional procedures I had planned, he would say that it was not advisable to proceed. Although I was unhappy at the time, in retrospect I have to admit that he was right.

I think you should put off these procedures until you have determined why you can only see yourself in a relationship when you finally decide that your looks satisfy some ideal you have in your head. You probably will need some counseling to sort this out.
 
Old 06-29-2012, 08:47 AM
 
Location: Astoria, NY
3,053 posts, read 3,426,702 times
Reputation: 2475
I am happy with my face and body. I don't think I'm ugly or unattractive and never been given a reason to...I think I'm just caught up in the process as much as I am the transformation. The planning and the saving gives me a thrill. Thinking of what I'll do next and how quickly I can get it done is exciting. It just consumes all my energy.
 
Old 06-29-2012, 09:05 AM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
7,846 posts, read 10,248,493 times
Reputation: 9176
Quote:
Originally Posted by xxbabeechick View Post
This is weird, and hard to describe to other people...but I've completely lost interest in sex and dating in the past two months.

I've always loved men and constantly going out on dates, in fact I've been teased by friends and family members because I always seem to be meeting a different man and my life is always rapidly changing.

In April, I decided that I was going to go on a cosmetic journey, and get several procedures I've always wanted, jaw reduction, breast augmentation, rhinoplasty, and liposuction...now that I can somewhat afford it. The thing is, though, working for it, researching on it, and spending time on cosmetic surgery forums has nearly completely swallowed up my life. I don't go out with friends anymore, and I do not date or hook up.

I don't know what it is. Partially it is exhaustion from working so much, but mostly because I really think I cannot enjoy being with anyone until everything feels...perfect. I completely blow off anyone who tries to talk to me whether I'm interested or not, and I went from having a pretty high sex drive to one that is completely non-existent. For the first time in my life since being sexually active I can say I have zero interest in having sex with anyone.

For a minute I thought I might be slightly depressed, but that's really not true. I have a lot of energy...for working, reading up on my procedures, planning dates and consultations, just not much energy for anything else.

Now I'm kind of worried as this process will take a while (jaw reduction and augmentation, what I call rounds 1 and 2 will be done in 2 weeks, but rhinoplasty and lipo plans may drag on til November), and all this time I will have cheated myself out of opportunities to meet people and enjoy myself. But it's not an option not to do these things.

I'm thinking maybe a forced hold up between my augmentation and rhinoplasty where I make myself go out and date will be helpful, but part of me doesn't want to wait and drag on this process.
Quote:
Originally Posted by xxbabeechick View Post
I am happy with my face and body. I don't think I'm ugly or unattractive and never been given a reason to...I think I'm just caught up in the process as much as I am the transformation. The planning and the saving gives me a thrill. Thinking of what I'll do next and how quickly I can get it done is exciting. It just consumes all my energy.
Regarding the bolded comments: I have to ask, WHY do you feel you need all this surgery? You're an attractive woman who has no problem what-so-ever attracting men. You made a comment about not enjoying anyone until it's "perfect". Don't take this the wrong way, but based on what you look like NOW, you will never feel that you or anything is ever going to be perfect if you're going through all this surgery to have a reconstructed body. Do you think you might be obsessed rather than actually needing these surgeries? It's not uncommon. Look at the "cat lady" and other celebrities who went overboard on this. I've seen your pictures. You are a beautiful young woman and I, just like many others, see nothing wrong with you. I can understand if at 25 you've never had a date but you even said yourself that you always meet a different man. There's nothing wrong with your body. I think it's the way you're perceiving yourself so all this surgery actually is an option. IMO, I think what is going on mentally (you not being happy with who you are) is subconsciously affecting any relationships (or lack of?). If you can't accept or love yourself the way you are, how can you entend those emotions to anyone else? Also, have you given thought to what your dating life might be life after all this surgery? There are many men out there that do not like "fake" bodies. Just something to think about. But, if you still choose to follow through with all of this, I hope it all goes well
 
Old 06-29-2012, 09:07 AM
 
23,903 posts, read 31,130,282 times
Reputation: 28539
Quote:
Originally Posted by xxbabeechick View Post
I'm thinking maybe a forced hold up between my augmentation and rhinoplasty where I make myself go out and date will be helpful, but part of me doesn't want to wait and drag on this process.
I don't even know how to respond to this. You need to go see a therapist, dear.
 
Old 06-29-2012, 09:13 AM
 
19,081 posts, read 21,191,700 times
Reputation: 13392
It sounds like an addiction of sorts. Have you already had work done on your breasts? What kind of meds have you've been taking through out this process? Fiddling around with the body and some kind of meds could possibly affect your sex drive.
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