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Old 12-18-2012, 02:05 AM
 
77 posts, read 173,997 times
Reputation: 70

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Wow, interesting thread. I have a few questions and a few recommendations.

First of all, since this is an anonymous forum, how bad do you look exactly? Perhaps you could post a photo of someone you vaguely resemble.

Do you look worse than "Ugly Betty" from the TV show? Do you look worse than a deformed plastic surgery lady?

Well my first point is that if you are truly below average, than i don't think that you have that much to lose by going for plastic surgery. If you were average or good looking then you would have a lot to lose if you became ugly due to plastic surgery. But if you are unattractive enough to constantly receive negative attention, then your risk is lower.

Secondly, you sound very unhappy due to your job and/or current situation. I recommend the following:
a) move away from NJ-- gets you away from your family and in most of the rest of the country, a nurse's salary is a very good living. As a nurse, it would be very easy to relocate for you. You could even try something radically different that would be difficult for most other people, like nursing in Hawaii or something.
b) try changing careers-- if it proves to be too difficult, you can always come back to nursing
c) try reducing your hours, live below your means and develop different hobbies, interests & friends.
d) try improving your fitness- join a gym, buy some gym equipment, buy some DVD's, take some classes-- get in shape!! This will also affect how your face looks as well.
e) go shopping- i have a hard time believing that any girl can't be made better looking through the myriad hair techniques, beauty parlours, clothing, etc. You live in the NY metro area- spend some of your hard earned money on a proper makeover beautitian, makeup artist, wardrobe, etc. Get a new haircut, dye job, etc.

I think the PS advice so far is good. Focus on one or 2 areas where you can improve-- try to get to avg or slightly above looks. Drop-dead gorgeous is not a realistic goal if you are very below average.


Feel free to PM me. I'd like to help. I feel that these are solvable problems that no one in the thread is actually directly addressing.
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Old 12-18-2012, 02:50 AM
 
Location: Australia
1,058 posts, read 1,402,145 times
Reputation: 1692
I doubt that jerseygirl is as ugly as she thinks.
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Old 12-18-2012, 03:01 AM
 
8,195 posts, read 10,264,207 times
Reputation: 7491
Quote:
Originally Posted by StabbyAbby View Post
I doubt that jerseygirl is as ugly as she thinks.
The problem isn't that I think I'm ugly,its that others do.
When I hear comments,twisting up of others' faces in public,I know its bad.
If I could go about as I am now,and nobody said anything, I would be alright.
But because of my appearance,I got bullied out of high school and didn't graduate(very painful for me,because I didn't drop out for being pregnant,a troublemaker,or any of the common reasons why kids drop out)
Men didn't take me seriously,family didn't want to walk next to me out in public, and cashiers and other customer service people who don't say anything to me,even though they say greeting to everyone else first.
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Old 12-18-2012, 03:04 AM
 
8,195 posts, read 10,264,207 times
Reputation: 7491
Quote:
Originally Posted by BillH View Post
Wow, interesting thread. I have a few questions and a few recommendations.

First of all, since this is an anonymous forum, how bad do you look exactly? Perhaps you could post a photo of someone you vaguely resemble.

Do you look worse than "Ugly Betty" from the TV show? Do you look worse than a deformed plastic surgery lady?

Well my first point is that if you are truly below average, than i don't think that you have that much to lose by going for plastic surgery. If you were average or good looking then you would have a lot to lose if you became ugly due to plastic surgery. But if you are unattractive enough to constantly receive negative attention, then your risk is lower.

Secondly, you sound very unhappy due to your job and/or current situation. I recommend the following:
a) move away from NJ-- gets you away from your family and in most of the rest of the country, a nurse's salary is a very good living. As a nurse, it would be very easy to relocate for you. You could even try something radically different that would be difficult for most other people, like nursing in Hawaii or something.
b) try changing careers-- if it proves to be too difficult, you can always come back to nursing
c) try reducing your hours, live below your means and develop different hobbies, interests & friends.
d) try improving your fitness- join a gym, buy some gym equipment, buy some DVD's, take some classes-- get in shape!! This will also affect how your face looks as well.
e) go shopping- i have a hard time believing that any girl can't be made better looking through the myriad hair techniques, beauty parlours, clothing, etc. You live in the NY metro area- spend some of your hard earned money on a proper makeover beautitian, makeup artist, wardrobe, etc. Get a new haircut, dye job, etc.

I think the PS advice so far is good. Focus on one or 2 areas where you can improve-- try to get to avg or slightly above looks. Drop-dead gorgeous is not a realistic goal if you are very below average.


Feel free to PM me. I'd like to help. I feel that these are solvable problems that no one in the thread is actually directly addressing.

As far as losing weight,sometimes it makes the face look worse.
My face gets angular,and looks masculine if I lose so much fat in it.
Fat really doesn't settle on my face even when I'm super obese.
Plenty of celebs that looked better with more weight on them:

Jennifer Hudson, Leann Rimes, that plus size model, Crystal Renn.
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Old 12-18-2012, 03:47 AM
 
Location: Australia
1,058 posts, read 1,402,145 times
Reputation: 1692
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u View Post
The problem isn't that I think I'm ugly,its that others do.
When I hear comments,twisting up of others' faces in public,I know its bad.
If I could go about as I am now,and nobody said anything, I would be alright.
But because of my appearance,I got bullied out of high school and didn't graduate(very painful for me,because I didn't drop out for being pregnant,a troublemaker,or any of the common reasons why kids drop out)
Men didn't take me seriously,family didn't want to walk next to me out in public, and cashiers and other customer service people who don't say anything to me,even though they say greeting to everyone else first.
Are there any famous people who you resemble? I understand that you may not want to put your picture out on the internet, but I'd be interested in getting an idea of how you look.
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Old 12-21-2012, 11:09 AM
 
Location: Earth Wanderer, longing for the stars.
12,411 posts, read 15,988,565 times
Reputation: 8722
To me this OP does not come across as a dreamer or someone who is vain.
I think she sounds as though she is accurately assessing her problem.

I believe that old commercial that people judge you by how you speak, well they do that in spades over how you look frequently. You know how most girls are asked to the school prom by a boy in their class, you know how girls might go out together trying to meet guys, you know how a fellow might come up to you with flattery trying to know you better, how you find someone special to share your life with?

All these things seem to be closed to this woman, and she seems to have a lovely personality and definitely has brains, so it's all due to her appearance.

I would tell her not to waste time. Just do it, and be really careful that you get the best doctor that you can to do it. I was at a big highly advertised hospital in Jersey and found myself sitting in the waiting room of their cosmetic surgeon. Some woman walked in who seemed to me to look awkwardly surgically improved. Ok, bleached blonde, fake breasts, a bit too animated, you know the type. Her face wasn't all that nice, either. The entire office was fawning on her when I thought she was just horrid. It put me off considering that guy for myself.

So, don't look for some trade discount, if there is such a thing.

Do it. What do you have to lose? Why let more time pass feeling inferior?
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Old 12-22-2012, 10:46 AM
 
Location: Brooklyn, NY
368 posts, read 466,115 times
Reputation: 412
Education comes first, but the minute I get the degree I'm off to a surgeon lol.
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Old 12-25-2012, 04:45 PM
 
Location: Earth Wanderer, longing for the stars.
12,411 posts, read 15,988,565 times
Reputation: 8722
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shaquille View Post
Education comes first, but the minute I get the degree I'm off to a surgeon lol.
To be quite open about it, I am an old woman and will probably get some surgery done myself. All my life I have hated my nose. I should have had it done years ago. If something disturbs you and it is changeable, why not? Why go through years not liking your face or body?

Shaquille, I think your priorities are just perfect. Good luck.
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Old 12-25-2012, 06:22 PM
 
Location: In a house
13,258 posts, read 34,784,994 times
Reputation: 20198
Well is it more economical to have plastic surgery, or eat a ham sandwich?

Translation: what does looking hideous, have to do with being uneducated? What does being educated have to do with looking acceptable? Answer: not a damned thing.

You need a better environment. Or, perhaps, you need grooming lessons. If you don't have grease dripping off the pustules of acne oozing all over your face, if you are still able to walk through normal doorways without requiring the fire department to cut a wider opening, if your knees aren't bending the wrong way when you walk, if your hair is usually clean and not covered in flakes of dandruff, if you still have most of your teeth and they are kept in decent condition, if you don't wear blue eye shadow and orange blush, if you aren't growing a third arm out of your chest, or have one eyeball dangling from its socket, if you don't have a pronounced hairlip, if you have good posture, and if you don't have nasty stanking foot fungus...

then your problem is either your environment, or your personality.

I have a friend who spends all his time in bed. Literally. All of it. His body is withering to nothing, because he can't eat through his mouth and instead has a feeding tube directly into his stomach. He can't breathe on his own, so he had a tracheostomy so that an electric bellows can do the breathing for him. He has a colostomy and catheter, because he has no control over his bowel or bladder. He cannot speak anymore either. He has ALS. And yet - he manages to earn money as an artist, by using technology that he helped to invent when he was still partly able-bodied, to manipulate a computer, which does ALL his communication for him. And he is loved by hundreds, and cared for by both paid 24/7 staff and a host of volunteers, many of whom are just friends who want this man to thrive despite his condition.

There is probably nothing about you, physically, that would repel anyone. Even if you were hideously deformed - people would get over the initial shock eventually, if you had the personality to help them get past it. Take a look at the girl whose cranial tumors deformed her face so badly that she was no longer able to breathe through her nose - because it had been completely enveloped by the growths, and she had to support the remarkable weight of her head by cradling it in her arms, or the weight would have snapped her neck. She had no lips, and her lower and upper jaw didn't meet - her mouth was just a little hole in her face and she had little control over it; she had a few teeth that were growing outside her mouth, because her gum and upper jaw had been pushed forward by the growths. Her village had assumed she was cursed, and avoided her, and wished she had died - even her mother was ashamed to have such a monster - but pity and sorrow overcame revulsion and finally the media got wind of her story, and the girl started having surgeries to remove the tumors and re-create her face, from lower jaw to hairline and everything inbetween. And the village finally came to love the girl and she was welcomed home with great fanfare. I don't know her fate - if she's still alive, but I saw the documentary of her through the third series of surgeries on the Discover channel awhile ago.

If she can get through THAT - then you can get through whatever your problems are. And unless - as I said - you're badly deformed, there's nothing that plastic surgery will fix, without the personality and environment to support who you are, as you are now.
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Old 12-25-2012, 06:48 PM
 
Location: Earth Wanderer, longing for the stars.
12,411 posts, read 15,988,565 times
Reputation: 8722
I think if you don't like the way you look, and especially if others will verify that, yes, you would look better if thus and such were done, and if you can afford it, why not?

If we are capable of doing something and feel there is a need for it, why not? Not everything can be fixed by exercise, diet, and makeup.

The way I look at it, years back in my mom's time woman were seen as a bit loose if they bleached their hair blonde. There will always be those whose ideas are stuck back in the quagmire of the past. Some will tell you not to do it because they are jealous. Maybe they have just created a life for themselves that is so very complex that they cannot afford to do it themselves, so rationalize that no one should do it. Some like to take a position that they consider loftier, just to feel superior to others.

Just make sure, whatever your decision is, that you research well. There are famous people, people in the media whose noses I don't like at all. The problem is, you never know what doctors they used.
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