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Old 08-18-2012, 11:28 AM
 
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nyanna, you make threads with the same rhetoric over and over again. There are plenty of people out there who think that Black is Beautiful. The only place where everyone thinks Black is ugly is in your head.

 
Old 08-18-2012, 11:43 AM
 
11,427 posts, read 19,438,504 times
Reputation: 18129
Quote:
Originally Posted by jade408 View Post
I think people get things a little confused. For some people, being mixed is considered attractive. it doesn't matter how the mix turns out. It is just the fact they are mixed.

In reality some mixed people ate attractive (Lenny Kravitz comes to mind). And some aren't at all (Tiger Woods).

The thing is, for some of us darker people, we get those backhanded compliments. Like, you are pretty for a <insert your subtype here>.

It is very easy to get a complex about it if you hear it all the time.

Especially the skin tone issue. One of my good friends is white/Filipino. She is really pretty. She also looks "whiter" with green eyes and medium brown hair. Her sister is darker in skin tone with brown eyes and darker hair. She tells me that in her family she is considered the prettiest because she is lighter. In reality her and her sister look exactly the same other than the differences in skin tone and hair color: both are really attractive. But her sister was the one pegged with the "little brown girl" nicknames.

Or we can just look at the case of Brazil. It I'd about 60% black there. But the only ones we see/hear about are the ones that look like Giselle Bundchen. And not the ones that look more like me.

It really just gets super annoying.
I agree -- but don't you think everyone gets those qualifiers? I'm heavy -- and I've gotten pretty for a fat girl. My sister got pretty for a girl with that kind of hair (her's was super curly). Very rarely does anyone just get told they are beautiful -- there's always a qualifier.

Part of the problem is that on some level feminism has failed. It's nice that I'm beautiful, but that's so not a large part of the package. And it shouldn't be. While I enjoy makeup and dressing nicely, my main part in life is not to be eye candy for some man who runs the show. I also enjoy reading books, cooking and quilting, reading financial books and investing. I can paint and put down flooring, and do home repairs. I am a PARTNER in life with my husband who treats me like an equal, BECAUSE I AM.

It's never all about looks, and if it is with that man, dump him and find one with a brain.
 
Old 08-18-2012, 12:28 PM
 
Location: La lune et les étoiles
17,414 posts, read 18,275,659 times
Reputation: 18588
Quote:
Originally Posted by jade408 View Post
I think people get things a little confused. For some people, being mixed is considered attractive. it doesn't matter how the mix turns out. It is just the fact they are mixed.

In reality some mixed people ate attractive (Lenny Kravitz comes to mind). And some aren't at all (Tiger Woods).

The thing is, for some of us darker people, we get those backhanded compliments. Like, you are pretty for a <insert your subtype here>.

It is very easy to get a complex about it if you hear it all the time.

Especially the skin tone issue. One of my good friends is white/Filipino. She is really pretty. She also looks "whiter" with green eyes and medium brown hair. Her sister is darker in skin tone with brown eyes and darker hair. She tells me that in her family she is considered the prettiest because she is lighter. In reality her and her sister look exactly the same other than the differences in skin tone and hair color: both are really attractive. But her sister was the one pegged with the "little brown girl" nicknames.

Or we can just look at the case of Brazil. It I'd about 60% black there. But the only ones we see/hear about are the ones that look like Giselle Bundchen. And not the ones that look more like me.

It really just gets super annoying.
As a Black woman, it really bothers me when issues of colorism are discussed in such a diverse forum because the vast majority of those who are not products of the diaspora do not have the knowledge base to fully understand the scope of the issue. Sure, some are able to understand portions and even insert their own anecdotal observations but the issue goes beyond that for many.

I will say that even though the issue has been raised primarily by the self described darker skinned OP in this thread, colorism affects dark skin, medium brown, light brown, light skin and all of the shades in between. There is pain on the flip side of the coin as well (ie not being dark enough) because people say very offensive things to light skinned people, as well. Being medium brown, I have been too dark for some and not Black enough for others....but that's their problem, not mine. I was raisd in an area that was heavily Creole so I have more than enough stories of folks being colorstruck, trust.

Another thing that is of great concern is that so many young Black women are looking to images in the media (ie rap/hip hop videos) as a ruler with which to define their own beauty. The truth of the matter is that the MEN who are responsible for putting forth those images of "what is attractive" really should not be taken as gospel because these men come from a place of flawed bias (ie they are often colorstruck and ignorant) So why let them define for any young woman who or what is beautiful?

Young Black women need to take back their power and embrace their own beauty. Stop letting your beauty be defined by others and make that determination within yourself. Confidence is beautiful. Pride is beautiful. Self esteem is beautiful. There are so many examples of beautiful dark skin women who are smart, accomplished, successful, well-respected, have great loving relationships and are living incredible lives that I really hate to see young Black women focusing their energy on who whatever blah-blah rapper choses to play his video vixen du jour.

These beautiful Black women are gorgeous AND they living beautiful lives...

Michelle Obama (FLOTUS)



Pauletta Washington (wife of Denzel)


B.Smith (restauranteur, former model, entrepreneur)



Tanya Sergei (wife of actor Ivan)



Mellody Hobson (president of an investment firm with long time love George Lucas)



Naomi Campbell (and her billionaire boyfriend)



I could go on and on....
 
Old 08-18-2012, 01:56 PM
 
Location: Up North
3,404 posts, read 7,252,467 times
Reputation: 3036
I just think the original post of this thread is just complete and utter BS. Nothing I said was offensive. If people look at the post I was responding to, we were talking about women who dye their hair blonde.


I was not saying lighter women are better looking than darker woman or "You're pretty for a black girl".


Nyanna, go ahead and start self-pitying threads all you want but don't use me as a racist example...an example that doesn't even work if people actually read what I'm saying and responding to.


I'm no racist...I may not be black, but does that take away my right to admire the beauty of a woman who appeared to be mixed? Would it have only been politically correct if I said she was of a very dark complexion with black hair?


What if I said the most beautiful woman I have seen since moving to Boston was blonde hair and blue eyed? Could you have started a thread about that as well?
 
Old 08-18-2012, 01:59 PM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,757 posts, read 32,896,894 times
Reputation: 11780
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikantari View Post
When you see this lovely little girl on the street in about 15 years, will you hate her? Because she is not black enough, or not white enough? I don't see black or white, I see a lovely little child. Oh, she is gonna knock the socks off of men of all races. She is my cousins daughter, a very fair skinned white woman. Her father is a very dark skinned black man. I would say about the color of Wesley Snipes. Yes, another black man choosing a white woman. Who cares. I wish I had pictures of my nieces. I have another cousin who is very fair skinned with red hair and married to a very dark black man. Their son is very light and their daughter looks black.

This is what someone was trying to explain to you. Even when two black people have children together, there is no telling what their skin tone is going to be. just like with my cousins kids. One looks black, one looks white.

I hope that by the time this little girl grows up, people will get over the woe is me and see people for what they are. People. The OP has race issues. Race issues against her own color, and everone else in the world.
I don't have any daughters, but if I did they'd look like her.
 
Old 08-18-2012, 02:51 PM
 
499 posts, read 614,214 times
Reputation: 549
Quote:
Originally Posted by jade408 View Post
I think people get things a little confused. For some people, being mixed is considered attractive. it doesn't matter how the mix turns out. It is just the fact they are mixed.

In reality some mixed people ate attractive (Lenny Kravitz comes to mind). And some aren't at all (Tiger Woods).

The thing is, for some of us darker people, we get those backhanded compliments. Like, you are pretty for a <insert your subtype here>.

It is very easy to get a complex about it if you hear it all the time.

Especially the skin tone issue. One of my good friends is white/Filipino. She is really pretty. She also looks "whiter" with green eyes and medium brown hair. Her sister is darker in skin tone with brown eyes and darker hair. She tells me that in her family she is considered the prettiest because she is lighter. In reality her and her sister look exactly the same other than the differences in skin tone and hair color: both are really attractive. But her sister was the one pegged with the "little brown girl" nicknames.

Or we can just look at the case of Brazil. It I'd about 60% black there. But the only ones we see/hear about are the ones that look like Giselle Bundchen. And not the ones that look more like me.

It really just gets super annoying.
So what? For lots of women, just hearing that a guy is under 5'10 is a turn off.

So what? For lots of women, seeing a guy with a beer belly who is bald and out of shape is a turn off.

So what? For lots of women, they will choose the not so good looking taller guy over the super handsome shorter guy.

So what? In Television, you rarely see a "sexy" Asian man, "sexy" Indian man, or "sexy" Short man (Tom Cruise is not "short", he's just shy of average) taking the lead and being the one who women objectify. Rarely do you see an out of shape guy being objectified, at most paired up in a sitcom...........

I have brothers and cousins who are taller and they were treated better growing up, getting free passes on a lot of stuff, getting hired faster, etc, etc, etc.

Think it doesn't create a problem for us shorties?

I'm not Indian, but how many Indian men do you see all over the media who aren't made fun of, made to portray nerds, or anything else the opposite of the Alpha Male.

It's not just the dark-skinned women who deal with this B.S.

Doesn't matter the history of it all, what matters is that CERTAIN GROUPS ARE STIGMATIZED
 
Old 08-18-2012, 03:06 PM
 
Location: Astoria, NY
3,053 posts, read 3,427,485 times
Reputation: 2475
There's some truth in the middle of this discussion.

I agree that it's easy for non-black people to tell dark skinned people what they should and shouldn't be sensitive about. Colorism does exist, and people are victimized by it.

That said, when people tend to keep pinpointing and focusing on one thing and pretty much viewing it as the root of many different sorts of issues in their lives, they are more than likely very wrong.

I'm a black woman, and I never really think about such things until people bring it up. I feel attractive and content, and I don't want to be blonde haired or blue eyed. Though I will blonde it up sometimes like now!
 
Old 08-18-2012, 03:08 PM
 
3,517 posts, read 5,441,583 times
Reputation: 5566
Quote:
Originally Posted by Walter002 View Post
So what? For lots of women, just hearing that a guy is under 5'10 is a turn off.

So what? For lots of women, seeing a guy with a beer belly who is bald and out of shape is a turn off.

So what? For lots of women, they will choose the not so good looking taller guy over the super handsome shorter guy.

So what? In Television, you rarely see a "sexy" Asian man, "sexy" Indian man, or "sexy" Short man (Tom Cruise is not "short", he's just shy of average) taking the lead and being the one who women objectify. Rarely do you see an out of shape guy being objectified, at most paired up in a sitcom...........

I have brothers and cousins who are taller and they were treated better growing up, getting free passes on a lot of stuff, getting hired faster, etc, etc, etc.

Think it doesn't create a problem for us shorties?

I'm not Indian, but how many Indian men do you see all over the media who aren't made fun of, made to portray nerds, or anything else the opposite of the Alpha Male.

It's not just the dark-skinned women who deal with this B.S.

Doesn't matter the history of it all, what matters is that CERTAIN GROUPS ARE STIGMATIZED

Mmmkay, but this thread isn't about short men, but there are many other threads discussing the discrimination against shorter men or you can start your own. You don't get to write off one group's discrimination by pointing out another group's discrimination.
 
Old 08-18-2012, 03:29 PM
 
2,818 posts, read 5,153,488 times
Reputation: 3758
Quote:
Originally Posted by nyanna View Post
Thank you for affirming that I have bad hair because its kinky textured. Now I know how you really feel about black women

Well darkskin and bad hair affects my life in a lot of ways. I'm always abused and being disrespected. It is the cause of my depression and I don't even want to leave the house to go to work somedays. But I have to.
Having curly hair is the cause of your depression? Do you realize what you're saying? Do you have any sense of proportion? Do you realize how many people would thank heaven every day of their only "problem" was having curly hair?

I think your problem is much deeper than that. I really doubt you are abused on a daily basis for having curly hair and dark skin as you say. Where do you live - in a KKK camp?

Learn to love yourself.
 
Old 08-18-2012, 04:21 PM
 
499 posts, read 614,214 times
Reputation: 549
Quote:
Originally Posted by UnexpectedError View Post
Mmmkay, but this thread isn't about short men, but there are many other threads discussing the discrimination against shorter men or you can start your own. You don't get to write off one group's discrimination by pointing out another group's discrimination.

Yes I sure can, and I just did it! The point is, LOTS OF GROUPS OF PEOPLE ARE CONSIDERED OUT OF THE MAINSTREAM, ARE STIGMATIZED and as such it is EASY FOR THOSE GROUPS TO FEEL LESS ATTRACTIVE if they buy into all of the media B.S.

This "problem" isn't exclusive to black women, and colorism is just one of MANY ISMS that can ostracize people on the meat market.

You can't feel sorry for people like Nyanna, b/c you can put guys who may want to date her in front of her, and she will write them off for something she finds unattractive in them, which is her right..... But seriously.... WTF are you complaining about then. In dating we are allowed to like what we like. PERIOD.

It's like a starving man complaining about the food pantry only serving bread and not raisin bread.

Plenty of black women on this board ACKNOWLEDGE colorism, but they don't let it consume themselves, and they go on to live fulfilling lives full of companionship and all kinds of successes.

Same with the other discriminated groups.
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