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Old 06-25-2013, 08:35 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 30,334,400 times
Reputation: 28965

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"Ok folks, I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui". Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, trans-sexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual - bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban world!

Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butt, belch, spit, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture wars: the Retrosexual movement.

The Code :

A Retrosexual, no matter what the woman insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.

A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.

A Retrosexual DEALS with IT. Be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)

A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.

A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "*****" in the title.

A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.

A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major re-invention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a foo-foo little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.

A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak tree chipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.

A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.

A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie - and ONLY a Windsor knot.

A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.

A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can - or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you are.

A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that you are riddled with fear. Guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to shoot.

Crying. There are very few reasons that a retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet ( fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part.

A retrosexual man's favorite movie isn't "Maid in Manhattan" (unless that refers to some foxy French maid sitting in a huge tub of brandy or whiskey), or "Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood." Acceptable ones may include any of the Dirty Harry or Nameless Drifter movies (Clint in his better days), Rambo I or II, the Dirty Dozen, The Godfather trilogy, Scarface, The Road Warrior, The Die Hard series, Caddyshack, Rocky I, II, or III, Full Metal Jacket, any James Bond Movie, Raging Bull, Bullitt, any Bruce Lee movie, Apocalypse Now, Goodfellas, Reservoir Dogs, Fight Club, Cool Hand Luke, etc...

When a retrosexual is on a crowded bus or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, hell, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.

A retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner.

A retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged in a serious healthy relationship - I.E. hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance.

A retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.

A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20 mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride on a plow berm.

A retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he damn well wanted it to land.

A retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except officers above 2nd Lt .) NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.

A retrosexual man doesn't need a contract, a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him.

A retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT."

Author Unknown
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Old 06-25-2013, 08:50 PM
 
7,099 posts, read 23,892,964 times
Reputation: 7248
A person is a MALE only when he makes me feel like a FEMALE.

I don't know or care what you call him, but a lot of what I see on TV is not Male. Why they want to be or be seen like that is beyond my understanding.
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Old 06-25-2013, 09:11 PM
 
Location: Czech Republic
2,385 posts, read 5,570,641 times
Reputation: 788
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sage 80 View Post
^^^^ Clean and neat is fine for me.

I don't know if this is metrosexual or not, but I like a man who's polished in appearance. To me, that means no body odor; clean, trimmed nails; healthy, white teeth; neat hair; a close shave, and trimmed facial, nose, and ear hair; clean, pressed clothes; clean shoes. These make a man more attractive, imo.

However, there's polished, and then there's prissy.

Prissy is overly concerned with his looks, beauty treatments and keeping up with fashion--one who gets beauty treatments like eyebrow shaping, body-hair trimming or waxing, facials, polished nails, and excessively into fashion, and such. All those things would be a huge turnoff for me.

Except for the polished nails, and occasionally plucking strays from my eyebrows, I don't do any of those things.

So, if he's more "girly" than me, forget it.
My sister's boyfriend is prissy. He spends so much money waxing his whole body, so when you look at him he's totally hairless. He also has facials every month for his skin maintainance. He doesn't eat any carbs, just meat and salad and works out 3 times a week. Yes he is good looking, he looks like a model but I think if it's me, I will be hesitant to date him. He's more vain than me.
My sister got the usea of waxing from him. He is more girly than her or any girl.
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Old 06-25-2013, 11:08 PM
 
2,798 posts, read 2,514,285 times
Reputation: 6165
Anyone who models themselves and emulates the archetypes being portrayed in todays mass media is in sad shape.

The false dichotomy being portrayed is purposely polarizing: 'Neanderthal / caveman' harsh - effeminate male (whatever label you want to slap on it) compassionate etc....

Please watch this BBC documentary to better understand where these false dichotomy's are coming from, and how they are being used to mold and socially condition the populace.


The Century Of The Self (FULL: Episodes 1-4) - YouTube

The problem is all these labels are primarily attempts to segment the population into profiles to 'program' and enable selling stuff via 'demand creation'.

Personally, I think those during the enlightenment period had the right idea toward human development with the promoting of the "Renaissance man" as the ideal to strive for. These were not cave man or effeminate as defining but rather aspiring to elevate oneself in as many ways as possible. Holding up intellect, skill, use and application of the mind and ones talents to promote achievement in individuals across various disciplines and arenas. It seems now that most everything is designed to dull mankind. imho
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Old 06-26-2013, 05:52 AM
 
Location: Powell, Oh
1,847 posts, read 3,931,484 times
Reputation: 1061
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
"Ok folks, I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui". Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, trans-sexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual - bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban world!

Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butt, belch, spit, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture wars: the Retrosexual movement.

The Code :

A Retrosexual, no matter what the woman insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.

A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.

A Retrosexual DEALS with IT. Be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)

A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.

A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "*****" in the title.

A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.

A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major re-invention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a foo-foo little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.

A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak tree chipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.

A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.

A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie - and ONLY a Windsor knot.

A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.

A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can - or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you are.

A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that you are riddled with fear. Guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to shoot.

Crying. There are very few reasons that a retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet ( fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part.

A retrosexual man's favorite movie isn't "Maid in Manhattan" (unless that refers to some foxy French maid sitting in a huge tub of brandy or whiskey), or "Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood." Acceptable ones may include any of the Dirty Harry or Nameless Drifter movies (Clint in his better days), Rambo I or II, the Dirty Dozen, The Godfather trilogy, Scarface, The Road Warrior, The Die Hard series, Caddyshack, Rocky I, II, or III, Full Metal Jacket, any James Bond Movie, Raging Bull, Bullitt, any Bruce Lee movie, Apocalypse Now, Goodfellas, Reservoir Dogs, Fight Club, Cool Hand Luke, etc...

When a retrosexual is on a crowded bus or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, hell, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.

A retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner.

A retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged in a serious healthy relationship - I.E. hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance.

A retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.

A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20 mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride on a plow berm.

A retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he damn well wanted it to land.

A retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except officers above 2nd Lt .) NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.

A retrosexual man doesn't need a contract, a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him.

A retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT."

Author Unknown
YES!!!

Thanks for the laugh. I loved reading this.
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Old 06-26-2013, 08:11 AM
 
1,463 posts, read 1,812,845 times
Reputation: 2481
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
Crying. There are very few reasons that a retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet ( fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part.

A retrosexual man's favorite movie isn't "Maid in Manhattan" (unless that refers to some foxy French maid sitting in a huge tub of brandy or whiskey), or "Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood." Acceptable ones may include any of the Dirty Harry or Nameless Drifter movies (Clint in his better days), Rambo I or II, the Dirty Dozen, The Godfather trilogy, Scarface, The Road Warrior, The Die Hard series, Caddyshack, Rocky I, II, or III, Full Metal Jacket, any James Bond Movie, Raging Bull, Bullitt, any Bruce Lee movie, Apocalypse Now, Goodfellas, Reservoir Dogs, Fight Club, Cool Hand Luke, etc...
What about Marley & Me? And can he cry at that? I mean, it was about the death of a pet so it could sort of count, right?
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Old 06-26-2013, 08:52 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 30,334,400 times
Reputation: 28965
Quote:
Originally Posted by DR2012 View Post
What about Marley & Me? And can he cry at that? I mean, it was about the death of a pet so it could sort of count, right?
As long as it's not a fish! I don't think mice, rafts, parakeets or hamsters count either.
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Old 06-26-2013, 08:58 AM
 
1,463 posts, read 1,812,845 times
Reputation: 2481
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
As long as it's not a fish! I don't think mice, rafts, parakeets or hamsters count either.
LOL! OK I'm not a man (retrosexual) but I feel better because I don't like to cry at movies anyway and I never do but wow Marley & Me really got me! But no, not a fish or any of those others.
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Old 06-26-2013, 10:13 AM
 
4,236 posts, read 3,030,690 times
Reputation: 6947
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hermosaa View Post
My sister's boyfriend is prissy. He spends so much money waxing his whole body, so when you look at him he's totally hairless. He also has facials every month for his skin maintainance. He doesn't eat any carbs, just meat and salad and works out 3 times a week. Yes he is good looking, he looks like a model but I think if it's me, I will be hesitant to date him. He's more vain than me.
My sister got the usea of waxing from him. He is more girly than her or any girl.
Good luck to your sister with that one.
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Old 06-26-2013, 11:00 AM
 
Location: Grand Rapids, Michigan
1,936 posts, read 3,340,577 times
Reputation: 1862
reminds me of a South Park episode
Attached Thumbnails
What do you think about Metrosexual Men ?-metro.jpg  
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