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Old 07-25-2013, 11:45 AM
 
Location: Greater LA area
15,747 posts, read 11,772,160 times
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yes, would date somebody with a visible physical "flaw" or disability.

Especially when he gets a handicap plate and I can put it on mine as well
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Old 07-25-2013, 12:44 PM
 
Location: The last fluffy cloud on the horizon
284 posts, read 267,646 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
yes, would date somebody with a visible physical "flaw" or disability.

Especially when he gets a handicap plate and I can put it on mine as well
Oh, Eve....that's pretty messy...but super hilarious! It was just what I've needed all morning. Lol .

In response to the OP, I have learned in this life that you attract what you think you deserve. In the case of your cousin, I suspect he has let his insecurity prevent him from properly harnessing and displaying the depth of his true personality. As a med student myself, I see a lot of guys like him who are initially too timid to venture out....unfortunately, some of them develop terrible egos when they get even a little bit of respect and ultimately, have nothing concrete to offer in a relationship...except the honor/financial security that comes with being a doctor.

You need to help nip this in the bud. He could start out small (please don't expose him to the bar-scene just yet as >70% of the women start with the superficial and usually have an ulterior motive)... A classy set up like an art gallery or a coffee shop can be a nice start. Snooze-fest, I know, but classy women are generally more respectful and will probably have some commonality to build on.

Would I date a person with obvious physical flaws? My first inclination is to say an unequivocal "yes"...but I am honest enough to admit that there has to be some basic attraction...and usually if you are lacking in one area (ie looks, intelligence, wit/humor, etc) you could still be attractive if you are able to develop other aspects of yourself. I dated a bald guy who was initially very apprehensive of what I would think about his premature balding. However, he owned it and is by far one of the most interesting people I've met to date.

All the best!
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Old 07-25-2013, 12:56 PM
 
Location: Up in the air
19,126 posts, read 25,812,859 times
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As a person with physical flaws, yes, it will be FAR more difficult to get a partner or even have people interested in him.

That's just the way it is...most people will try to find a partner as close to 'normal' and 'perfect' as possible.
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Old 07-25-2013, 12:59 PM
 
Location: Greater LA area
15,747 posts, read 11,772,160 times
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I was just kidding!!

I was thinking of Desperate Housewives, when Carlos was blind and his wife shamelessly used the handicap sign on her luxury car when she went shopping. And she got ouf of the car (Maserati?) in her mini dress and high heels.

So funny.
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Old 07-25-2013, 01:12 PM
 
Location: The last fluffy cloud on the horizon
284 posts, read 267,646 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JetJockey View Post
As a person with physical flaws, yes, it will be FAR more difficult to get a partner or even have people interested in him.

That's just the way it is...most people will try to find a partner as close to 'normal' and 'perfect' as possible.
I agree that he is already at a disadvantage....but if his only issue is the congenital glaucoma with strabismus, I don't think his prospects are significantly diminished. He will just have to work hard on other areas as from a physical perspective, he may be found to be lacking. Obviously, this guy is already aware of this (med student...hello?) J/k. LOL, his cousin mentioned that he has nice abs

I can't tell you how fast I run away from a table when I discover that a guy is simply a pretty face and has nothing tangible between his perfectly pinned ears.

PS: Eve...Rest easy. From your first sentence, I already figured you were kidding.
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Old 07-25-2013, 02:21 PM
 
Location: In a house
13,258 posts, read 34,662,112 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WRolle View Post
So my cousin was born with glaucoma in both eyes. He has his life together, for all intents and purposes. He is currently in medical school. The problem is that, even though he works out and has a better abdomen than me, he has strabismus in one eye due to multiple surgeries. He already had surgery, but it had minimal impact. He says that girls automatically write him off due to his eye. He says that he has never been on a date but twice. I have a question for women, would you date a man with a minor deformity? He pretty much is on the road to success and takes care of himself.
I dated a guy who had polio when he was a little boy. He walked with a slight limp, one of his arms was incredibly weak, he couldn't grip anything with the fingers on that hand, and his eyes didn't look like a matched set. It didn't hinder my attraction to him in the least and in fact, I didn't even realize he had these "problems" until years after we'd known each other.

I have a friend whose husband has ALS - he is confined to a hospital bed, with tubes in every orifice (yes, I mean EVERY orifice), and has only the use of his eyes left to him, and a fully-functional and brilliant mind. He uses that mind, and eyes, to communicate via computer.

He's not capable of "dating" and he's been married to his bride for over 20 years, and they have an incredible daughter, and literally hundreds of friends and family who flock to him weekly. I can't imagine him ever lacking for love.
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Old 07-25-2013, 03:08 PM
 
Location: Up in the air
19,126 posts, read 25,812,859 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nallia1 View Post
I agree that he is already at a disadvantage....but if his only issue is the congenital glaucoma with strabismus, I don't think his prospects are significantly diminished. He will just have to work hard on other areas as from a physical perspective, he may be found to be lacking. Obviously, this guy is already aware of this (med student...hello?) J/k. LOL, his cousin mentioned that he has nice abs

I can't tell you how fast I run away from a table when I discover that a guy is simply a pretty face and has nothing tangible between his perfectly pinned ears.

PS: Eve...Rest easy. From your first sentence, I already figured you were kidding.
Agreed, he should do fine in the long run. I've found women are FAR more likely to overlook physical defects than men are.
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Old 07-25-2013, 04:27 PM
 
Location: ATL suburb
1,366 posts, read 3,606,609 times
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If he was old enough to be in med school and had NEVER had an actual date, there's another issue going on. Granted, his physical flaw does make things harder, but by your early to mid 20s, I'd be shocked if he hasn't found a woman who didn't care, especially given that he's in med school.

However, you said he's had 2 dates. For some people, even at that age, 2 isn't necessarily unusual. So, why has he only had 2 dates? How many has he asked? What type of woman is he approaching? Realistically, there are some women who won't give him the time of day. Period.

I knew guys who graduated college, never having had a date, much less a girlfriend or even first kiss. These were nice guys, and while not perfect physically, did not have an overly noticeable physical flaw. However, there were personality reasons why no girls were interested. In addition, the girls they were interested in were way out of their league, physically. There expectations were unreasonable.

I suspect there's a secondary reason for your cousin.
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Old 07-25-2013, 05:28 PM
 
Location: The last fluffy cloud on the horizon
284 posts, read 267,646 times
Reputation: 589
Quote:
Originally Posted by JetJockey View Post
Agreed, he should do fine in the long run. I've found women are FAR more likely to overlook physical defects than men are.
+1. I've been told a few times by male friends that they were surprised to meet some of my prior dates because "physically-speaking" it didn't make sense I'd be "into him" I think women are more likely to look beyond physical shortcomings than men. We're just deep like that

Quote:
Originally Posted by anadyr21 View Post
I knew guys who graduated college, never having had a date, much less a girlfriend or even first kiss. These were nice guys, and while not perfect physically, did not have an overly noticeable physical flaw. However, there were personality reasons why no girls were interested. In addition, the girls they were interested in were way out of their league, physically. There expectations were unreasonable.

I suspect there's a secondary reason for your cousin.
I agree, but you'd be surprised how crippling insecurity can be. Usually all it takes if for some tactless idiot to say something that cuts deep and every subsequent experience is tainted. Personally, I think this guy will be fine. With all the promiscuous nurses that run rampant in most hospitals desperate to "bag a Doc", it is only a matter of time before he is given that opportunity to date a variety of women (some of whom are already halfway in love with him)

Last edited by Nallia1; 07-25-2013 at 06:28 PM..
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Old 07-26-2013, 03:22 AM
 
Location: Lake Oswego, Manhattan, Aspen
3,138 posts, read 3,961,355 times
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I did: if you can consider a severely ringworm-scarred scalp and horrible posture to be deformities. And considering how ugly and pathetic I was, back then, I guess he picked something roughly equivalent, when he picked me.

We were in Bodybuilding 101, first semester, freshman year, at a fourth-rate Mississippi college. We both had bypassed the 100-level 'health' course, because we both were eager build ourselves up, to be less ugly. It was an employability consideration rather than for 'dating'. Neither of us had ever even seen romance or marriage as a possibility. We just wanted to look good enough to be hireable.

His mom was a caretaker at a hunting camp in the Louisiana swamps. Mine was a backwoods Mississippi prostitute with a predictable range of substance issues. We both arrived at that school in worn-out thrift store clothes. In the boonies, thrift stores carried nothing but washed-out stuff from K-Mart and the Dollar Stores. I looked pitiful. He looked pitiful. I'd been bullied. He'd been bullied nearly to death. It's harder for boys.

Anyway, in that room full of big, blond, beautiful (but kindly) jocks, we gravitated to each other. The two pitiful ones. I found out the advisors had placed him in one of the sciences. They'd placed me in Economics, when I'd managed to finally stammer... "I want to learn about rich people so I can work for them." (Up until that moment, I hadn't known about "majors").

So, anyway, we were a team from that moment on. We did whatever free things were offered on campus: An Interpretive Dance workshop, Biofeedback... I mean, we were both so amazed to finally have a friend, we hardly were thinking about anything else.

Then, a few weeks into the semester, preparing to leave to go to a free showing of 'Dr, Caligari's Closet', he accidentally brushed against me. I brushed back - less accidentally, and felt something rather large I wasn't expecting to be there. Hot damn!

The fact that we were both butt ugly made amazingly little difference. Two kids who'd never even considered romance as a possibility were going at it like wolverines. You can imagine how many times a day a couple of seventeen-year-olds can get busy. That's how many times. Every day. I was pregnant in a predictably short amount of time.

We were taking vitamins. We were eating far better at the cafeteria, than we had at home. We were lifting weights. And we were having an amazing amount of sex. All the vitamins flooding our systems, and all the hormones from exercise and sex, resulted in a late-onset growth spurt for him. He grew a few inches. And I think he grew a couple of inches, too.

By the time our first baby was born, I was married to a tall guy who was starting to turn heads. His buzzed hair grew out, into a beautiful blue-black mane. No more scars. His posture improved with lifting and with deliberate posture-improving exercises.

Then, with a bit of money saved-up from jobs we'd worked around campus, I got in a van with the Economics study group I'd organized. They were going to this little store in the Delta, called "SteinMart" - the original location. "Believe me, Gloria, we'll NEED the van." Mr. Stein, himself, was there, pulling damaged/returned items out of boxes from this place in New York, called Saks Fifth Avenue.

"Wait a minute! I know about Saks!"
As a kid, I'd scrutinized their ads in the society magazines I'd pulled out of the garbage, at the two "rich" houses in our "community" (the intersection of two rural highways). So, while the rest of Mississippi may have never heard of anything but DuckHead and Izod, I knew to be impressed by Pucci, Vittadini, Armani, Burberry, Fendi...

My little wad of cash bought two HUGE bags of Saks merch, at pennies-on-the-Dollar. Goodbye worn-out thrift store polyester: hello Italian Silk, Egyptian Cotton, and Scottish Cashmere. A stitch here, a bit of glue there... and I was dressing my dreamboat in Armani, Hugo Boss, Valentino, Fendi, Brass Boot...

We weren't pitiful little brown things, anymore. We were an attractive young minority couple: the kind University Presidents like to show off, and Governors like to be photographed with... and companies like to hire.

The rest is history. But if I'd been picky - or if he'd been picky - we'd probably both be working whatever bottom-rung jobs the least-successful people with our first degrees can get. We'd probably never have ever had a date... or been in love...

We'd not have formed a stable enough team to support each other through master's degrees, and Terminal Degrees. Investment properties? How would a single little nobody ever have the courage?

First came the partnership. Then came lust. Then came love. But if one of us had just held out for something better.... we'd both still be nobodies in the middle of nowhere.

I'm thinking there are some really dumb girls out there, who should be getting in on the ground floor, with your cousin. But ya know, there are some girls out there with minor deformities... but in good degree programs... who might be undervalued properties themselves.

Last edited by GrandviewGloria; 07-26-2013 at 03:31 AM..
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