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Old 09-20-2013, 08:18 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,457 posts, read 16,412,550 times
Reputation: 13154

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Quote:
Originally Posted by LuckyGem View Post
Nobody, but NOBODY should wrap their self worth around something so superficial as how they look. When you do that you reduce your self worth.

Physical beauty is subjective, temporary, meaningless.

It is truly an unbalanced manner of perception. How beautiful are you? Compared to who? I'm attractive, but how attractive am I really? C'mon. Someone else's opinion of how you look should NEVER be a measurement of your self worth.
I agree with your last sentence but I do not agree that your looks are meaningless. For one thing, people who are healthy are much more likely to be attractive than those who are not and health is def not meaningless. For another thing, attractive people have more choices in potential partners and if they're married, they'd like for their partner to be proud of them and not leave for someone prettier. Not that that's always or even usually the case--I always think of Sandra Bullock. Some spouses simply don't know how to stay home.

Also, my experiences have been similar to those of EvilCookie and you internalize that stuff and you might realize that you're being silly but you feel that way anyway. I say you are what you are and as long as you're not evil, why worry about it?

But, as I mentioned earlier, life has taught me how futile it is to base my self-worth on the reactions of others around me and yet I still can't help but tingle with a thrill when a man sees me and does a double-take, even if I don't find him attractive. And when I see someone that is my age and that I consider my attractiveness level, whatever that is, and he is not even remotely interested, I tell myself that he's gay or married. So sue me. It's simply the way I'm made and no rational argument is going to change that fact--not even when I hit 90 and I'm holding hands with the cutie in the wheelchair next to me.
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Old 09-20-2013, 08:38 PM
 
8,195 posts, read 10,212,024 times
Reputation: 7485
I don't see how the OP needs to get a life because she asked this question.

As someone pointed out,attractiveness dictates everything,from marriage partners,to friends,and even though they didn't mention this,how teachers treat you in school,your income,to even how parents treat you,to how strangers and customer service treats you,etc.

There are studies done on this.

I've experienced this stuff my whole life,and to the people who keep saying personality matters,well, on what planet are you all from?

If that was the case,Susan Boyle would be a very popular singer(more than she is anyway)

Back to the question,I think I'm going to have someone record me from the front,and from there I can see what others see.
I always saw an average person in the face,but obviously based on how others act toward me,I'm unattractive to them.
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Old 09-20-2013, 08:45 PM
 
43 posts, read 47,708 times
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I've always seen myself as pretty attractive. And it's always been validated because I get hit on and make heads turn the majority of the time I go out--it's been like this since I was a little girl. I suppose I've gotten use to it. My biggest issue is questioning whether a guy is really interested in me because of my personality and intelligence, versus if he just likes me because of how I look(which the latter is always happening.).
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Old 09-20-2013, 09:29 PM
 
20 posts, read 59,557 times
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Beauty is extremly subjective.

I'm a female fashion and runway model and I see male models every day, at my agency, at castings, at shootings, at runway shows. Of course, most people would say 'Wow, you're so lucky to see all those handsome men every day' but I disagree. For me those men are great for pictures, they are great as models, have a nice body and a symmetric face, but I often find them too plain, too boring. I would never prefer any of those guys over my boyfriend, who has nothing to do with the whole modeling world. In my eyes he's a thousand times more beautiful, more manly, more interesting, and not just because I love him.

And to get the connection to the actual topic- Those men think of theirselves as incredibly handsome as sexy, because that's what people in their job are telling them every single day. The women as well, although I find them being more critical and competitive with their looks. It depends a lot on what people tell you, it's not just about 'realizing it yourself'.
For my part, I always considered myself as attractive and beautiful, but never as extremly amazing. When I first started to model I was permanently thinking 'These people must be kidding me. They're not serious about wanting to work with me'. I thought other girls are prettier, skinnier, taller. Now, I'm happy with myself. I still wouldn't consider myself as the hottest woman in the world, but I find myself beautiful and I know others do as well. And again, a big part is still subjectively. Only because one person finds you super attractive doesn't mean another one does.
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Old 09-20-2013, 11:15 PM
 
8,195 posts, read 10,212,024 times
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I'm not sure why some feel they are attractive because men hit on them.

Is there any reason why?
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Old 09-20-2013, 11:30 PM
 
2,540 posts, read 3,302,757 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u View Post
I'm not sure why some feel they are attractive because men hit on them.

Is there any reason why?
Because men won't generally hit on random unattractive women...yes, there are freaks and desperate pervs and such, but the majority of normal men will try to approach at least average-attractiveness women and up, if you're not talking about a relationship built up from friendship or other close interaction.
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Old 09-21-2013, 12:34 AM
 
Location: Czech Republic
2,385 posts, read 5,570,641 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilCookie View Post
Because men won't generally hit on random unattractive women...yes, there are freaks and desperate pervs and such, but the majority of normal men will try to approach at least average-attractiveness women and up, if you're not talking about a relationship built up from friendship or other close interaction.
Right...
If I was a man, why would I hit on someone who doesn't attract me ?
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Old 09-21-2013, 03:50 AM
 
8,195 posts, read 10,212,024 times
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I don't know,I have seen men hit on unattractive women when there were prettier women in the room.

Why does a man have to be a desperate freak or a perv if he hits on unattractive women?

(Which as I understand,attractiveness is subjective)
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Old 09-21-2013, 09:15 AM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,457 posts, read 16,412,550 times
Reputation: 13154
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u View Post
I don't know,I have seen men hit on unattractive women when there were prettier women in the room.

Why does a man have to be a desperate freak or a perv if he hits on unattractive women?

(Which as I understand,attractiveness is subjective)
Well one thing you have to realize is that men don't perceive attractiveness in quite the same way that women do. I've gotten many positive comments on my looks from women and the majority of them are not gay, but less so from men. Women are always saying that I'm so pretty I must get a lot of attention from men. I don't. They tell me I look just like Meryl Streep--have had that comment at least 50 times in the last year but maybe women find her a lot more attractive than men do.

But there's a woman in my dance group who is not the tiniest bit pretty as far as I'm concerned. She is my age and when I look at her, my first perception is that she's orange, lol. Orange hair, orange skin (spray tan?), orange teeth. No boobs at all. But she's tall and has a dancer's grace and very toned and the men are all over her. I do think that most people are more attracted to a toned body but some guys like boobs don't they? LOL, as you can surmise, I'm a bit on the plump side. And more reserved than she is. And I'm not orange.

Also, some women are just flirtier and as a woman you wouldn't see that and if you have a pretty women who's not as flirty and a not as pretty women who is flirty, the men are going to see it as they have a better chance of getting somewhere. I was feeling extra full of myself one night and had at least 3 men following me around and it was fun but not my usual way of relating to the world.

As you can see, I've wasted way too much time thinking about this stuff. Some women just never grow out of being "boy crazy."
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Old 09-21-2013, 11:16 AM
 
Location: Prospect, KY
5,288 posts, read 17,488,273 times
Reputation: 6515
Quote:
Originally Posted by LuckyGem View Post
Nobody, but NOBODY should wrap their self worth around something so superficial as how they look. When you do that you reduce your self worth.

Physical beauty is subjective, temporary, meaningless.

It is truly an unbalanced manner of perception. How beautiful are you? Compared to who? I'm attractive, but how attractive am I really? C'mon. Someone else's opinion of how you look should NEVER be a measurement of your self worth.
Yep, this.
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