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Old 09-21-2013, 03:41 PM
 
52 posts, read 190,547 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u View Post
I'm not sure why some feel they are attractive because men hit on them.

Is there any reason why?
I think men will hit on anything walking, it doesn't flatter me.

I do think that when straight women go out of their way to tell me how beautiful I am those are the compliments that means something because I know they don't have any ulterior motives.

SN: I try to tell other women how beautiful they are too. It just adds a little smile to someone's day.
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Old 09-21-2013, 06:30 PM
 
43 posts, read 47,700 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u View Post
I'm not sure why some feel they are attractive because men hit on them.

Is there any reason why?

I've always been told I was pretty by men and by women. I guess its been validated for me, because I always get attention or have always been told by a variety of people that I was beautiful. A lot of the time I'm approached by very attractive men that I don't see approaching other women(even when I'm pushing my kid in a stroller). I'm often asked if I'm mixed(I'm an AA woman) as its often asked as if it is surprising that I'm a black woman that is attractive. All of these things have been ways that I confirm that I am attractive. Its been going on since I was a little girl and never has stopped.

Funny, today I had a little girl come up to me and tell me I was pretty.

Now how do I see myself? A majority of the time when I look in the mirror, I do think I am attractive.
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Old 09-22-2013, 02:34 AM
 
81 posts, read 112,780 times
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Quote:
I'm not sure why some feel they are attractive because men hit on them.

Is there any reason why?
Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilCookie View Post
Because men won't generally hit on random unattractive women
No, but most men will hit on a woman that is AVERAGE, since most men are average themselves. Men will typically approach women who he thinks is in his league and has a reasonable shot at getting. He doesn't necessarily need to find her attractive -- just not unattractive.
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Old 09-22-2013, 12:08 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,457 posts, read 16,408,211 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sharpie99 View Post
No, but most men will hit on a woman that is AVERAGE, since most men are average themselves. Men will typically approach women who he thinks is in his league and has a reasonable shot at getting. He doesn't necessarily need to find her attractive -- just not unattractive.
So average men never hit on attractive women? Or, if she's more attractive, do more men hit on her? If she's less attractive do less men hit on her? I rarely get hit on so does that make me ugly?

So, that's what we're trying to get to in this thread--how do you evaluate your own attractiveness? The only way I know of is to judge by other peoples' reactions. Looking in the mirror really doesn't help all that much b/c some days I look beautiful and other days not. Though I'm plump, I don't really see that so much in the mirror because over the years I've learned to adjust myself to see myself just so and then when I see a random pic of myself I go . But pix don't help all that much either b/c I've had pix of myself on dating sites that I thought looked beautiful but few responded. OTOH, "orange woman" gets a lot of dates and I have no idea how she'd do on an OL dating site but I've seen her pix on facebook and judging by the amount of posed pix she has on there, she thinks she's gorgeous. She's not but she has a beautiful figure.

When people post on here and say it doesn't matter, I just think they're being idealistic. No, I suppose it shouldn't and we should all find each other spiritually, but in truth it does matter very much and one of the reasons is that you're trying to find your "level" when you want to date. Like your average guy above--should he only hit on average women? How does he know to hit on average women if he doesn't know he's average?

If you're an average woman but don't know it, how do you know who to put signals out to w/o making as a$$ out of yourself or underrating yourself? What do you do if you're getting really confusing feedback, like average men passing you by and then very much above average and sometimes too young of men acting very interested? But only randomly. Or having a lot of men stare at you all the time but when you go to talk to them you can tell they're not a bit interested? What are they staring at? The thing at the end of my nose? (That's a joke--no thing at the end of my nose that I know of.)

Men want to know these things too so they don't make an a$$ out of themselves or underrate themselves either, and for them it's harder b/c in our culture they are still expected to make the first move and they're usually not as good at reading signals. Truth is, unless you're very outgoing you're stumbling around in the dark on this issue.
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Old 09-22-2013, 01:20 PM
 
2,540 posts, read 3,301,659 times
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I do find that the women who are super-confident, comfortable in their own skin, have bubbly, outgoing personalities, know how to flirt and make men feel good about themselves, and are generally convinced of their own fabulousness (like the 'orange woman' you mention) seem to have no problem attracting men regardless of what they look like. I guess if all men cared about was looks, you wouldn't see unattractive, overweight, acne-ridden, badly dressed women with 'average' or even attractive men - and I have seen those types of couples often. There are women (and men) who exude sexual energy and charisma in spite of not having conventionally attractive looks.

That said, and maybe because my personality is the complete opposite of that and I lean to being reserved and quiet as opposed to outgoing and bubbly, the women I've always admired and wished to be are the ones who are so beautiful that they can get away with being quiet and distant and reserved and yet still mesmerize men, the mysterious beauty type that's an enigma sitting quietly in the corner, soft-spoken with a shy smile; I've always thought that if I was a man, that would be the type of woman I'd be attracted to most.
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Old 09-22-2013, 02:53 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,457 posts, read 16,408,211 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilCookie View Post
That said, and maybe because my personality is the complete opposite of that and I lean to being reserved and quiet as opposed to outgoing and bubbly, the women I've always admired and wished to be are the ones who are so beautiful that they can get away with being quiet and distant and reserved and yet still mesmerize men, the mysterious beauty type that's an enigma sitting quietly in the corner, soft-spoken with a shy smile; I've always thought that if I was a man, that would be the type of woman I'd be attracted to most.
Are you sure that's what you want to be like? Maybe you already are. After all if she's sitting quietly in a corner mesmerizing men but they're too intimidated to approach, how would she know if they're mesmerized or not? She might be thinking she's too unattractive to have men hit on her while the men are assuming that anyone that looks that good is surely waiting for a husband or boyfriend. You read it on here all the time--men spouting off about how how beautiful women always already have someone, and yet I know know plenty of beautiful people who don't. There is another woman who comes to my dance group occasionally--she is probably the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and completely natural. The men will dance with her but they don't talk to her after. It's obvious to me that she's shy but the men all assume that she has someone. I found out she doesn't but do you think I'll tell any man that? Do I look crazy?
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Old 09-22-2013, 03:02 PM
 
1,871 posts, read 1,574,921 times
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People have told me I'm a handsome looking guy. I just don't see it. Don't think I'm ugly either though, maybe just average. I used to really care about it but now it is kinda like whatever. So easy for our minds to distort what is truly there.
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Old 09-25-2013, 10:18 AM
 
Location: all over the place (figuratively)
2,624 posts, read 2,111,724 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by missblue View Post
Beauty is extremly subjective.

I'm a female fashion and runway model and I see male models every day, at my agency, at castings, at shootings, at runway shows. Of course, most people would say 'Wow, you're so lucky to see all those handsome men every day' but I disagree. For me those men are great for pictures, they are great as models, have a nice body and a symmetric face, but I often find them too plain, too boring. I would never prefer any of those guys over my boyfriend, who has nothing to do with the whole modeling world. In my eyes he's a thousand times more beautiful, more manly, more interesting, and not just because I love him.

And to get the connection to the actual topic- Those men think of theirselves as incredibly handsome as sexy, because that's what people in their job are telling them every single day. The women as well, although I find them being more critical and competitive with their looks. It depends a lot on what people tell you, it's not just about 'realizing it yourself'.
For my part, I always considered myself as attractive and beautiful, but never as extremly amazing. When I first started to model I was permanently thinking 'These people must be kidding me. They're not serious about wanting to work with me'. I thought other girls are prettier, skinnier, taller. Now, I'm happy with myself. I still wouldn't consider myself as the hottest woman in the world, but I find myself beautiful and I know others do as well. And again, a big part is still subjectively. Only because one person finds you super attractive doesn't mean another one does.
Models usually aren't conventionally attractive. They often are chosen for looking slightly weird (e.g., very chiseled boyish male models), and the typical female mode is taller and skinnier than the female ideal because that stands out and it's easier to design clothes for a skinny body.

Anyway, first line - no way.
Physical attractiveness - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I think that underestimates the importance of pretty skin for women. Slightly doughy seems to be major, probably because it indicates youth and fat reserves and therefore fertility.
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Old 09-25-2013, 11:11 AM
 
Location: San Diego
2,858 posts, read 6,201,488 times
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First off, attractiveness for women and men are extremely different. Men for the most part go solely based off looks. Women go based off looks THEN see if theres more they like ala attitude, personality, etc. Looks don't matter as much for women as it does for men.

This "men don't hit on ugly girls" talk is bogus. I know some dudes who LOVE hitting on girls, even if they aren't interested them. Its like a game and they get better at flirting with practice. I'm gulity of doing that at retail stores and restaurants. I can tell when they are just being friendly or they go out of their way to ask me if I need help for a 2nd time.

Myself, I consider myself a 7.5 or 8. However, my looks are extremely polarizing. Some think I'm a 9 and others think I'm a 6.

If you are overweight, its much harder to be attractive to most people. Its like being a smoker, most people will find it unflattering.

If people say you look like a famous person...thats usually a good sign. Most famous people are famous for two reasons: they are amazing at their skill or they are very good looking and pretty good at their skill. People say I look like Sly Stallone all the time...world famous action star...can't be a bad thing right?
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Old 09-25-2013, 11:20 AM
 
Location: Greater LA area
15,736 posts, read 11,744,086 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u View Post
I'm not sure why some feel they are attractive because men hit on them.

Is there any reason why?

Seriously?
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