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Old 11-14-2013, 08:45 AM
 
3,072 posts, read 4,060,473 times
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It's one thing to have plastic surgery to correct or alter a particularly troublesome spot (broken nose, boobs after nursing, etc) but if you want surgery to be KNOWN or to be that crowdstopper, then surgery will be disappointing. Maybe in the short term things will change, but if you really feel your identity must revolve around your looks, what are you going to do as you age?

When I was 20, I was a real bombshell. I'm in my 30's now and had a few kids, I still look great compared to most women my age, but I don't get the same headturns that I did at 19 with my youth. I'm glad I found other sources of identity than just my looks, because I would start to get real disappointed as time went on.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to look good but there is a big difference between wanting to look nice or even surgically 'touch up' and wanting to be a showstopper as a way of life.

I went to high school with a girl who was truly one of those. Playboy magazine and everything later on. Last time I saw her, she was out with Gene Simmons (ick). At our age now, her fame is truly fading. The gigs have stopped, no more video hoe (too old), the propositions (!) from rich rock stars are gone, and now what? Thank goodness she loves her photography because you really can't rely on your looks forever.
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Old 11-14-2013, 09:12 AM
 
15 posts, read 16,470 times
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If everyone was "good looking" we'd be a boring world. I knew someone who was so ugly, but he was a doctor and he was short. but, he was so powerful that it made up for everything.
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Old 11-14-2013, 09:21 AM
 
3,072 posts, read 4,060,473 times
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2 and a half words... Kevin O'Leary.
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Old 11-14-2013, 10:57 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
21,470 posts, read 22,718,925 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Padgett2 View Post
At 20, you don't even have your adult look yet. Try growing up a bit more. Too soon for corrective surgery. Are you sure that you have been "looked down on" because of your looks? Your imagination could be working overtime.
Definitely. You haven't grown into your looks yet. Sound like you need an "It gets better" video, because it really does.
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Old 11-14-2013, 12:04 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
10,864 posts, read 18,910,587 times
Reputation: 25118
Quote:
Originally Posted by Libertine The Great View Post
Nightlysparrow nailed it.

After years of being looked down upon because of my appearance I am willing to go through plastic surgery to improve it. Now I am a young guy, 20 yrs old, so that might have to do with me being around so many shallow people but in the end I don't want people to respect me for my mind or what I say. I want to be the Channing Tatum or the Brad Pitt in the room. As I said, in the back of my head I know the genetics aren't there. Yet what I do know is that surgery exists that can make up for it. I don't have any facial deformities or anything severe that surgery can't fix.

Do you guys think I should give it some time and wait until I grow into my looks or should I get surgery as soon as I can? I have read about guys like Leonardo DiCaprio and Henry Cavill growing into their looks, same with Cristiano Ronaldo. Yet my problem is that I have a round face so that makes things exponentially worse for me in this regard.
Your face is still changing at that age. Surgery to just make you good-looking in general, not to change one feature that bothers you, might end up looking weird as you grow into your looks.

What about changing other things that aren't permanent? Colored contact lenses, highlights in your hair, that kind of thing. When I look at good-looking celebrity guys, that's really what seems to be different, better hair cuts, highlights, maybe an unusual eye color. The actual faces don't seem to be that unique, it's how the whole look comes together.

Here's an article about face shapes and hairstyles Men's Face Shapes Secrets & Tips
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Old 11-14-2013, 01:00 PM
 
Location: I live wherever I am.
1,935 posts, read 3,495,192 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Libertine The Great View Post
I am a fairly miserable guy. On one hand I want to be good looking and feel that I have the potential in me to be a good looking guy. On the other hand I know that genetics gave me a really bad hand (round face, big nose, and almond eyes).
What's so bad about that? All you have to do is find a woman who likes a guy who has a round face, big nose, and "almond eyes" (whatever that is).

I knew a woman who liked "endomorphic" men... basically, dudes who looked almost childish. I can't really explain it. She liked her men to appear like big kids. Whatever. To each her own.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Libertine The Great View Post
People have described me as intelligent, charming, cool guy, and I have had a lot of good things said about me.
Those things, o Libertine the Great, are what will win you the love of a great woman. It wouldn't matter how you looked. You could look like [insert the name of the man you think is the best-looking man alive], and if you were a jerk, you might attract women superficially but you'd never be able to keep one.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Libertine The Great View Post
Yet, I want to be known by society for my looks.
The grass ain't greener on the other side of the fence. I consider myself a good-looking guy... of course we're all good-looking, but I'm going on the reactions I've gotten from women starting around age 16. I was never the most in-demand dude out there, but that's because I'm not a sports hero.

Simply put, I often attracted women based upon their perceptions of something good that I brought to the table. Sometimes it was looks, sometimes it was other things. Being pursued by women who were nowhere near what I really wanted was a pain in the butt. I didn't want to be surrounded by women. Since my teenage years, I have dated with the purpose of finding a wife. I never wanted to "casually date". That's too risky in any of many ways.

You're best off being known by society for how good a person you are. Let's say that you looked like [that same "great-looking guy"] and you were tragically killed tomorrow when a bus flattens you. As a result, your funeral must be closed-casket. Would you want the guests at your funeral to talk about how great you looked, or would you want them to talk about how great of a person you were?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Libertine The Great View Post
Like when people describe me, I want handsome, good looking, and attractive to be one of the qualities they list.
It's all relative. If you looked like [that SAME "good-looking guy], there'd still be people who thought you were ugly. For example, I read all the time about Angelina Jolie... how everyone wants to look like her. I don't get it. To me, she's only one tiny step above "circus freak". Evidently few share my opinion... which is fine. She deserves love, and attraction, as does every human being. But you can't win 'em all. It doesn't matter what you do. Lose weight, and the ladies who preferred you fat will mourn. Stay fat, and the ladies who would want you to be thin won't be satisfied.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Libertine The Great View Post
I have definitely considered plastic surgery and do plan on looking more into it and finding the money to get it. Like I don't even want to be good looking just to attract women, because I know money, confidence, and a lot of other things can do that. I want to be good looking to be good looking alone, so I can be labeled as handsome and often be known for my looks.
I don't know you, but I suspect that you have an issue with being shallow.

If you get plastic surgery, you'll look hideous only a few years down the road. Just stay natural and find a lady who thinks you're attractive.

I often use this example - my wife is just shy of 400 pounds at 6'3". She's mostly butt... she could sit on a yardstick, oriented horizontally, and bury the whole thing. You know many dudes who would want to date someone of those proportions, as opposed to someone of Angelina Jolie proportions? I don't either. However, my wife is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I'm not just saying that, either. I ask you this - how many guys does she need to be so enamored with her looks? One's enough, I say. Any more than that and we'd both be inconvenienced... and perhaps more agitated than that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Libertine The Great View Post
Problem is somewhere in my mind, I have a hard time stopping this obsession. I think it has to do with me being bullied or joked about for my looks while growing up (I was fat and geeky but I lost a lot of weight now).

How do I handle this problem?
You sound a lot like me. Want to know what I looked like as a kid?

-fat
-taller than almost everyone else
-buck teeth (and eventually braces)
-acne
-huge glasses
-pale

You want to know what else?

-I had ZERO athletic ability. (I was asthmatic and had a documented gross motor deficiency.)
-I was unusually intelligent - the quintessential nerd.
-I had ZERO pop culture awareness - I rarely even knew about what was considered "cool".
-I was picked on more than anyone else in my entire school, for many years.

If there was ever anyone who should have been broken by that, it was me. Perhaps I'm still scarred... we all bear the scars of our experiences. But yet, I came out of it pretty well. Though I'm still a bit porky, weightlifting built me up to better proportions. Though I'm still taller than almost everyone else, that's no longer a bad thing. The buck teeth and braces are ancient history. Acne - we all get it occasionally. The glasses vanished in favor of contact lenses. I'm still pale but that's by choice. My athletic ability is still marginal, but I can throw down with most people my age. I'm still a nerd. I have some pop culture awareness and I hate pop culture... so let's figure that I don't have that "cool" aspect either. I'm no longer picked on.

People grow up. Your job must be to find someone who is attracted to you exactly as you are. The first step - rid your mind of every last thought about getting plastic surgery or drastically altering your looks. Lose weight and bulk up if you want to, but keep it at that. The second step - become totally happy with who you are. The way you can do that is to recognize that God made you this way... and therefore you were best formed as you are. Get that far and watch as the women come your way. For me the change was almost instant, at age 15. I just decided that "cool" was what I made of it, and nobody was going to tell me what "cool" was. By that point, I was still fat, bespectacled, pockmarked, inept in athletics, nerdy, yadda, yadda, yadda. But I had no trouble getting girls.
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Old 11-14-2013, 01:34 PM
 
11,432 posts, read 19,452,773 times
Reputation: 18135
Quote:
Originally Posted by Libertine The Great View Post
I am a fairly miserable guy. On one hand I want to be good looking and feel that I have the potential in me to be a good looking guy. On the other hand I know that genetics gave me a really bad hand (round face, big nose, and almond eyes).

People have described me as intelligent, charming, cool guy, and I have had a lot of good things said about me.

Yet, I want to be known by society for my looks. Like when people describe me, I want handsome, good looking, and attractive to be one of the qualities they list. I have definitely considered plastic surgery and do plan on looking more into it and finding the money to get it. Like I don't even want to be good looking just to attract women, because I know money, confidence, and a lot of other things can do that. I want to be good looking to be good looking alone, so I can be labeled as handsome and often be known for my looks.

Problem is somewhere in my mind, I have a hard time stopping this obsession. I think it has to do with me being bullied or joked about for my looks while growing up (I was fat and geeky but I lost a lot of weight now).

How do I handle this problem?
It's pretty simple. If you have all this time to obsess over your looks, you have too much time on your hands.

Get busy. Volunteer at a homeless shelter, and animal shelter, or start learning a new craft -- like woodworking, or sewing, or cooking. And learn it to get really good at it. Take more classes in it. Or work on your genealogy and learn history as you go.

Basically, you need to stop focusing inward on yourself and start focusing outward on other people and the world around you. This will do two things. You will be happier AND that happiness will attract happier more positive people to you.
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Old 11-14-2013, 01:35 PM
 
Location: Mostly in my head
19,639 posts, read 53,524,973 times
Reputation: 18549
I am beginning to think Libertine is of Asian descent, since he talks about round face and almond-shaped eyes. My daughter-in-law is Filipina and my son thought she was beautiful when he met her - so do I!
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Old 11-14-2013, 03:41 PM
 
Location: Winter nightime low 60,summer daytime high 85, sunny 300 days/year, no hablamos ingles aquí
700 posts, read 1,141,408 times
Reputation: 1122
Don't wallow in your misery on the Internet in the company of strangers.
Your problems are fixable. Let's look at then one at a time:

1) Round face.
Round face is the result of fat and bone structure. While you cannot (easily) do much about the bone structure, you can lose some of your face fat. Get serious about your training (not 'fitness' - fitness is for little girls) program.
Run, swim, bicycle, lift weights, in other words *train*. HARD! Set a very specific goal, ex. "I want to run a half-marathon in 8 months"
Get your body fat down to 10% or so, and chance are your face will get leaner and narrower.
As a bonus - you will get an athletic body (major +++ when it comes to looks), and endorphins psychological boost as well.

- A fallback option: grow properly trimmed beard.
Google Leonardo DiCaprio -guy with a notoriously round, fat face. Find his pictures where he has a beard, as seen in the movie 'The Aviator", not the goatee. Tremendous (positive) difference, isn't it? Don't listen to voices "ah, but beards are not fashionable" They will be for you!

2) Big nose.
Get a nose job. A quick google search reveals average nose job cost in US is $4493
us+nose+job+average+cost
While not spare change, it's not a fortune, either. If you really want it, you will find the money. Don't listen to scaremongers "it won't work". It works for 99% of people, and so it will for you.

3) Everything else. #1 and #2 will do wonders for your self-confidence - you may no longer need any "therapeutic counselling". Otherwise, do what men do.
DO SOMETHING! Plant a tree. Build a house. Help an old lady across a street. Adopt a homeless animal from a shelter. Fly to Mars. Make a lot of $$$. Make a movie. Build a robot. Start your own company. Volunteer. Clean the bathroom. Take a nap.

Now, put down the keyboard. Sign up for Cross Fit program. Then look for a plastic surgeon. Go.

Last edited by skiffrace; 11-14-2013 at 03:59 PM..
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Old 11-14-2013, 05:00 PM
 
3,043 posts, read 6,303,432 times
Reputation: 2039
I thought of this thread when I was watching a talk show where 2 gentleman had $100,000 worth of surgery. One looked like a human ken doll and the other like Justin Beiber. I understand you are not thinking that extreme but they had a psychologist on who was stating there is inner issues going on.
OP before you change anything appearance wise I would work on your self esteem because you sound very critical of yourself. Also try to focus on the parts you do like. Back in the day I used to model and hated it because I felt ugly even when people told me I was pretty. I understand for myself there are self esteem and other issues that cause me to feel insecure. I am always amazed when people think they are so beautiful or attractive. My mom is like that and she is really pretty but for the life of me I never understood thinking that of ones self.
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