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Originally Posted by Libertine The Great
Thing is, I want to date the kind of girls who put a lot of stock on looks like sorority types. The kind who are good looking themselves, pretty faced, and have the whole blonde california girl look going for them. I don't care if they are bad people as others say but I want the power to be able to attract those kinds of girls.
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You don't care if they are bad people?
It seems to me that your attitude toward dating is that you want a trophy girl so that others will look at you with envy in their minds. Do you have any idea what the girl would think, if she knew that that was what you wanted? I know that guys and girls alike do not want to be "wanted" only for their looks. That gets real old, real fast. Again I say that if this is your attitude, you won't be able to keep a girl for very long after attracting one. She will discover that you don't care what kind of person she is (meaning: you don't have any interest in WHO she is as long as you get WHAT she is on the outside) and she will dump you like a bag of grass clippings.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Libertine The Great
excellent advice here, read it 5 times, living by it for months now and will continue to do so.
ya the problem is getting the money for the nose job but I will get enough soon, I am confident about that
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Dude, it's going to be money out the window. You can change the appearance of your nose through surgery but there ain't a surgeon in the world who can change your mindset.
And here's something else to consider. Even the "sorority girl" types will lose their looks eventually. You ever seen a 50-something who still looks 22? I've never even seen a 40-something who can pass for that... even if she's Oriental! The point is that looks fade away, fairly quickly. I play music for nursing homes on a regular basis and I have never once seen an elderly person who looks college-age. I've never even seen one who looked MIDDLE age. If you put this much emphasis on looks and none at all on what's on the inside, you are going to find yourself extremely depressed as both you and your wife age and her once-stunning looks start to fade in favor of wrinkles, age spots, gray hairs, spider veins, sagging breasts, you name it. Not only will YOU be depressed, but your wife will be depressed as well. I should know - I taught the son of a woman who was ditched for that reason.
Here's the story. She and her husband had dated since high school and when I met her, she was around 40 years old. By that point she and her husband were on the rocks. (I think she got drum lessons for her son as a way to distract him from the reality of what was happening between her and her husband.) Her husband was a major in the military, and whenever he deployed, his wife and son stayed behind at home. This lady started becoming friends with my wife and me, so she would tell us her story in bits and pieces. Looking at her, you could tell that she was once the type of "stunner" you talk about. She still looked good for being in her early 40's (factoring out that she was not of the type of appearance to which I myself would ever be attracted), but she'd never fool anyone into thinking she was in her 20's. As time went on, her husband became more and more irritable toward her. He became insistent that she lose weight (despite how she hardly had any weight to lose), get on an exercise program, dress a certain way, etc. He would ask her constantly if she had been exercising. She said it was a very stressful few years for her, though she did what she could to make him happy.
It was all for naught. He cheated on her while on deployment, with a 22-year-old Philippine woman. Said woman got pregnant, and eventually bore his child. His wife, bless her heart, was prepared to forgive him and move on... but he didn't want that. He wanted to be with his new lady. So, they got divorced, and shortly thereafter, he married the new lady.
Midlife crisis? Obviously. Why else would he divorce the woman he'd been with for 23 years, when she'd done nothing wrong to him, in favor of the new girl? (He even admitted later on that she'd done nothing wrong, when he had a brief period of remorse for what he'd done to her.) Furthermore, why would a 22-year-old woman want to date and marry a 40-something guy who definitely looked 40-something? He wanted her looks, she wanted his money. End of story.
And in another 15 or so years, when the once-22-year-old is in her 40's and no longer passes for being in her 20s despite her Asian heritage, what's he going to do? He'll either ditch her in favor of some other gold-digging chick who would get with a 60-something grandpa just to have his money, or he will realize that even he doesn't have enough money to attract a 20-something at his age... so he'll stay with his aging wife and be miserable because she is losing her looks - the one thing he really wanted in a woman.
Contrast that to a scene I saw at church 11 years ago. A 70-something Mexican man stood up and started talking about his wife... who was a 70-something Mexican woman. (Why am I putting any emphasis at all on the ethnicity of the people, in these stories? Because some ethnicities "age well", generally speaking, and some don't. Asian adults usually look younger than they are. Hispanic adults usually look older than they are. That's just the way it is, for better or for worse.) This lady __definitely__ looked her age and more... as did the man. He gets going about how great his wife is, and at one point said that she was more beautiful to him now than she was 50-some years ago when they first met. I didn't get that at first (she may have been in her early to mid 70's but she could've passed for 90) but thinking about it later, I did. They'd been together for a half century and were obviously still happy in their relationship. They'd raised TWELVE KIDS together. Essentially, they had a rock-solid foundation and their shared experiences cemented a bond between them that was unbreakable. Her beauty may well have been physical to him even at that time - I never asked him - but it sure as heck also came from the good life they had together.
Which husband would YOU rather be?
The guy who needs a new wife every 15-20 years because the one he has no longer looks like a college chick?
Or the guy whose wife is faithful to him, supportive of him, and in all ways a great partner for him, even though after 50 years of marriage she looks like an "old lady"?
You have to think about this. I know that you didn't respond to my first long post (for which I've received MANY reps, by the way) because it ran counter to the way you currently think. You practically worshiped the poster who told you to get a nose job and mentioned how much it'd cost. I'm stating for the record that even if you get a nose job, or whatever other physical alterations you seek, YOU WILL NOT BE HAPPY for any length of time with the ladies you land unless you change your mentality as well. I'm not going to say for certain that you're shallow, because I don't know you, but it smells like that is probable. We all start out shallow and eventually we grow up, hopefully to be "deep". Don't make the mistake of failing to become "deep". You're 20 years old now... and if you're like me, in seemingly no time at all you'll be staring down your approaching 34th birthday and you'll realize that you are no longer like you were at age 20.
When I was 20, I could lift as much weight as I wanted to lift, my skin looked "young", I didn't have any gray hairs, and my metabolism was much higher. Very soon, I will be 34. I haven't been able to lift to my heart's content for quite a while, essentially because I'm getting old (or, at least, so said the trainer, whose professional evaluation I'm inclined to believe). My skin is drying out and getting more wrinkly, seemingly by the day. I have quite a few gray hairs now, including one that likes to stick STRAIGHT OUT IN THE FRONT even after I brush my hair. I still have a good metabolism but it's nowhere near where it was at age 20. Everyone tells me I look good for my age and still bounce around like a younger person... which may be true... but I know for myself that I'm aging. Even my wife, who is but 29 years old, has noticed signs of herself aging. (I never notice that stuff.)
It will happen to you. It will happen to any woman you date.
I'm not saying you shouldn't seek a woman who is physically beautiful to you - you certainly should - but you should put more emphasis on who the woman is. That's what will likely remain forever. Her looks WILL change. Plastic surgery doesn't prevent the aging of the body. (If it did, why do all of those celebrities who've had numerous plastic surgeries STILL look old when they get old?)
Stop worrying about looks so much. If you are that picky about a woman's looks, she's going to be that picky about YOUR looks. And how would YOU feel if your wife were no longer attracted to you because you're starting to look old? Think about this for a minute. Say that she manages to remain looking young for a while, and you don't. Now the woman to whom you're still attracted starts demanding that you do this and that with your appearance... plastic surgery, exercise, hair dye, you name it... and you know that she's insinuating that she won't be attracted to you if you don't do these things. How would you feel about that?
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