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Old 11-12-2013, 07:34 PM
 
54 posts, read 61,244 times
Reputation: 37

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I am a fairly miserable guy. On one hand I want to be good looking and feel that I have the potential in me to be a good looking guy. On the other hand I know that genetics gave me a really bad hand (round face, big nose, and almond eyes).

People have described me as intelligent, charming, cool guy, and I have had a lot of good things said about me.

Yet, I want to be known by society for my looks. Like when people describe me, I want handsome, good looking, and attractive to be one of the qualities they list. I have definitely considered plastic surgery and do plan on looking more into it and finding the money to get it. Like I don't even want to be good looking just to attract women, because I know money, confidence, and a lot of other things can do that. I want to be good looking to be good looking alone, so I can be labeled as handsome and often be known for my looks.

Problem is somewhere in my mind, I have a hard time stopping this obsession. I think it has to do with me being bullied or joked about for my looks while growing up (I was fat and geeky but I lost a lot of weight now).

How do I handle this problem?
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Old 11-12-2013, 10:01 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
10,863 posts, read 18,902,231 times
Reputation: 25113
Start lifting weights (to give you something healthy to obsess about instead of wishing for surgery). Get some nice clothes, and a good cologne. A guy who is muscular and in shape, dresses well and smells good, doesn't have to be good-looking to be attractive.
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Old 11-12-2013, 10:11 PM
 
54 posts, read 61,244 times
Reputation: 37
the clothes and perfume are all handled, I pay attention to fashion

as for the gym, I do workout but yes I need to take it more seriously now
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Old 11-12-2013, 10:57 PM
 
3,043 posts, read 6,302,039 times
Reputation: 2039
Have you thought of going to therapy? I ask cause you stated you are a miserable guy and to me there may be other issues going on then just your issues around your appearance
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Old 11-12-2013, 11:04 PM
 
6,230 posts, read 9,515,264 times
Reputation: 7520
If you've got the personality, the style, the cologne, and overall "suave" factor, your pretty much set. Not everybody is going to be born with model looks. Most people aren't. Be grateful for what you do have. Some people don't have all their limbs. Some people are physically disfigured. Some people are born deaf or blind. Be grateful for the fact that all your limbs are in tact, you are not disfigured, you have eyes to see and ears to hear, a place to live and food to eat. And according to what your saying, you have all the qualities that make people like you. Congratulations. You're a very fortunate human being. Your better off than 2/3 of the world. Be grateful for your life and enjoy what you've been given rather than trying to compare yourself to some unrealistic standard. And understand looks are fleeting. Most attractive model-like people only have those looks for a good 10 years before it goes downhill. Nobody stays young forever. So you contemplating getting plastic surgery to look like something that your body will not maintain isn't the smartest idea.
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Old 11-13-2013, 08:17 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
40,973 posts, read 32,696,264 times
Reputation: 57074
Plastic surgery won't make you happy, because the SOURCE of your unhappiness is not your looks - it's something deeper inside you. Please get some counseling to get to the bottom of this issue. Otherwise you will end up like Michael Jackson, with your nose sliding off your face. He didn't need plastic surgery - he needed therapy to address his very unbalanced view of himself, and his obsession with how he looked. If you don't tackle the root cause of your issue, you will waste a lot of money at the very least, and may actually do more harm than good to yourself in the long run.

Congrats, by the way, on the weight loss! Sounds like you're on the right track as far as maximizing your health and the physical characteristics you already have. Oh, and the others who said this were right on target so I'll repeat it - a man who is in shape, dresses well, smells good, and who has a great smile and a calm sense of self confidence has all it takes to be considered VERY attractive. You're off to a great start!
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Old 11-13-2013, 10:11 AM
 
Location: Mostly in my head
19,636 posts, read 53,511,196 times
Reputation: 18549
Find a good therapist! Sometimes you have to try a few before you click with one.
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Old 11-13-2013, 11:08 AM
 
Location: Oakland, CA
26,877 posts, read 28,163,256 times
Reputation: 25993
I agree about the therapy. And nothing like helping others to give you new perspective. Maybe volunteer for habit for humanity? You might make some new friends too.
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Old 11-13-2013, 03:38 PM
 
Location: Up in the air
19,126 posts, read 25,798,792 times
Reputation: 16226
Quote:
Originally Posted by jade408 View Post
I agree about the therapy. And nothing like helping others to give you new perspective. Maybe volunteer for habit for humanity? You might make some new friends too.
Yep. It sounds like the OP may have body dysmorphia and should probably see someone about it.
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Old 11-13-2013, 03:49 PM
 
Location: TOVCCA
8,273 posts, read 10,521,331 times
Reputation: 11853
Well, I have seen family and friends improve their self-esteem through various cosmetic surgeries. Such surgeries are popular because in the vast majority of cases, they have a positive result---otherwise, the procedures wouldn't be so prevalent. There were $11 BILLION worth of them in 2012. All those people didn't have a mental health disorder.
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