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Old 06-10-2014, 08:58 AM
 
Location: Oakland, CA
26,867 posts, read 28,137,614 times
Reputation: 25975

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Quote:
Originally Posted by War Beagle View Post
In Oakland, you could wear a burka and you would still receive lewd comments.
Not exactly. There is a range of behavior, and a loosely related class element to the whole thing. But not 100%. I.e. I know when walking past the sketchy bar in my neighborhood the odds of comments are really high based in the crowd that bar attracts. Walking past my neighborhood tiki bar, odds are pretty low. In downtown San Francisco, North Beach and the mission district the odds are high. In the Marina district of SF not so much. Unfortunately it is sad that we all have the sort of rankings and behave accordingly.

But let me be clear, getting comments has little to do with living in Oakland, I have heard then in just about every community I have been to at some point. And my early experiences were in a middle class suburban community in a nice neighborhood.

*it is an unfortunate rite of passage for most black girls and women. Even ones like me who grew up in white middle class suburbia. (I live in a middle to upper middle class area of Oakland now)

Last edited by jade408; 06-10-2014 at 09:24 AM..
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Old 06-10-2014, 01:36 PM
 
Location: MN
1,306 posts, read 1,344,403 times
Reputation: 1578
Quote:
Originally Posted by sirron View Post
This is an excellent point.

And then, they are stoned. We can't win.
I'm thinking the "we can't win" is the reality. I know a lot of women don't welcome looks or compliments when they dress tastefully because they associate that behavior with "slutty looking." It's unfortunate we live in an age where a woman cannot dress nicely and wear a figure flattering outfit without worrying about lewd comments.
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Old 06-10-2014, 03:19 PM
 
4,579 posts, read 6,140,145 times
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For all the women who complain about the looks men give them just wait. I once talked to a woman and she said the worst part about aging is becoming invisible. She said when she was young men would talk to her all the time and give her approving looks but as she got older men didn't pay as much if any attention to her.

The sad part was that included her husband. I sat next to her on a plane and she thanked me for talking to her while on the flight. I was like damn.. During the whole flight the husband said nothing to her.

Now if course it's not that extreme for all but for all age is an equalizer. Looks fade for all.
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Old 06-10-2014, 07:06 PM
 
Location: MN
1,306 posts, read 1,344,403 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Caltovegas View Post
For all the women who complain about the looks men give them just wait. I once talked to a woman and she said the worst part about aging is becoming invisible. She said when she was young men would talk to her all the time and give her approving looks but as she got older men didn't pay as much if any attention to her.

The sad part was that included her husband. I sat next to her on a plane and she thanked me for talking to her while on the flight. I was like damn.. During the whole flight the husband said nothing to her.

Now if course it's not that extreme for all but for all age is an equalizer. Looks fade for all.
With a spouse you're going to need a lot more than looks to be able to talk. Older men typically don't look at women around their age anyway; they prefer the younger ones.
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Old 06-10-2014, 07:36 PM
 
Location: New Zealand and Australia
7,458 posts, read 11,122,379 times
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Women IMO can look just as sexy dressed not revealing compared to revealing. As a general rule I prefer when she leaves something to the imagination. That applies to every situation, except one on one intimacy.
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Old 06-10-2014, 07:48 PM
 
Location: MN
1,306 posts, read 1,344,403 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dave nz View Post
Women IMO can look just as sexy dressed not revealing compared to revealing. As a general rule I prefer when she leaves something to the imagination. That applies to every situation, except one on one intimacy.
It's good to see not all men are preoccupied with seeing more skin
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Old 06-10-2014, 07:55 PM
 
4,877 posts, read 4,562,089 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vintage_girl View Post
Same thing goes for men who get with their wives and the wives gain a ton of weight; hate to break it to you but a man does find it less attractive compared to when their wife was thinner.
or

Quote:
Originally Posted by Caltovegas View Post
Now if course it's not that extreme for all but for all age is an equalizer. Looks fade for all.
It's called biology unless we find a cure.
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Old 06-10-2014, 09:59 PM
 
2,797 posts, read 2,511,845 times
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I get the gist of your question and will say it behooves men to be respectful in their acknowledgement of a woman's beauty when seen. A good example, I recall from a discussion among a church group a long time ago was if you look once, that's fine it's only natural, if you keep looking and are leering / lewd (undressing them with your eyes) that's not proper. Instead one should think of the woman as those you hold most dear: your wife, daughter, sister etc.... now how would you feel? If you have a conscience, most men who are in a relationship will ratchet those 'initial' feelings down and move on to whatever they were doing and simply say internally "wow" thanks for crossing my path and reminding me my primal drive is still functioning.

When I see a woman who looks nicely dressed or simply looks attractive to me, I most always give my best friendly smile (along with smiling eyes, i.e the 'non leer'). Occasionally if the context of the situation seems fitting I will compliment them on their dress: 'That dress / outfit etc... looks great on you', ' You look exceptionally lovely today'.

Then you have the dynamics of men in groups who tend to engage in bawdiness, with different cultural standards / training of respect for the opposite sex. It seems certain ethnicities will overtly leer, although this may also be more socio economic class based behavior. Funny story, I'm riding up an escalator there's a young black man ahead of me and ahead of both of us a very fine specimen of feminine pulchritude (I just had to use that word!). Well, as we got to top and the woman went her way, the young black man gave a nice lingering gaze, and as I came up behind he turned and noticed I saw him looking at the beauty and he gave me this look of (you caught me) half shrugged and said we're all the same under the skin, and I broke out a grin and said, "yes we are". Some of us mask it better.

There is also the dynamic of the lack of parenting and good moral upbringing (i.e. generations raised on TV / Mass media as babysitter) so you will find poor conditioning in response to visual attractive stimulation that tends to be juvenile and base in nature, since, it seems to be the standard of current mass media sit-coms for so called laughs.

At it's most basic, everyone wants to be desired. Some have unrealistic expectations of how it should be reflected (both sexes deserve blame here). At other times there simply is an absence of the concept of class -either never taught - or, acculturated to a low standard whereby anything goes when you see an attractive woman: verbalization, catcalls et al).

As general rule, I think more men - in today's politically gender contentious environment, tend to show more restraint in saying anything to a woman about her appearance for fear of bizarre reprisals due to reading something into a glance that isn't there. Many men can appreciate women's beauty for just that, like a nice painting / sculpture at a museum.

As for women and how they dress, it makes me think of this old post:

Men: What do you consider sexy-trashy and sexy-classy?
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Old 06-10-2014, 10:16 PM
 
4,579 posts, read 6,140,145 times
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All this sounds great but women have to understand if you wear yoga pants we are going to look.
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Old 06-10-2014, 11:19 PM
 
354 posts, read 403,969 times
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The difference between creepy and not creepy is the attractiveness of the man

But I especially hate those ugly women who think that if someone is looking at you it's because they're attracted to you...not everyone likes fat and ugly and trashy!
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