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Old 06-08-2014, 03:54 PM
 
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I wouldn't worry about it.
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Old 06-08-2014, 04:08 PM
 
Location: MN
1,306 posts, read 1,345,172 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mnseca View Post
I wish I knew! I think one thing is that the bride and most of the guests were from another country. It's probably mostly cultural. However, there were other Americans there who were dressed the right way. I asked one them how she knew and she said she asked another guest and they told her. She must have been more detailed in her asking than I was.
It has to be cultural. My family's full of immigrants who get decked out in glitz and glamor for weddings. Pretty much any people from my heritage have the tendency to really dress up for wedding. My in-law at my own wedding later told me they had no idea my side would have been "so dressed up." One of them jokingly remarked to me "you can tell they don't live around here." I wouldn't sweat it. It's so easy to feel the shock of looking out of place but you made an effort. People have told me they showed up to a wedding after mountain biking with dirt on their bodies. It could be worse!
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Old 06-08-2014, 04:13 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mnseca View Post
and I even asked one of my relatives involved in planning the wedding if a relatively simple dress would be OK, and she told me it was fine as she did not plan to wear anything too fancy herself (I guess she didn't consider her gown all that fancy).
This person may be your relative but is not your friend.
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Old 06-08-2014, 05:05 PM
 
3,153 posts, read 2,848,160 times
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Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
I had another thought...
Was it a theme wedding? Princesses... or Cinderella's Ball... or something like that?
No, no theme. If there was, "prom night" would have been appropriate.
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Old 06-08-2014, 09:49 PM
 
Location: East of the Mississippi and South of Bluegrass
4,099 posts, read 3,390,521 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vintage_girl View Post
It has to be cultural. My family's full of immigrants who get decked out in glitz and glamor for weddings. Pretty much any people from my heritage have the tendency to really dress up for wedding. My in-law at my own wedding later told me they had no idea my side would have been "so dressed up." One of them jokingly remarked to me "you can tell they don't live around here." I wouldn't sweat it. It's so easy to feel the shock of looking out of place but you made an effort. People have told me they showed up to a wedding after mountain biking with dirt on their bodies. It could be worse!
I agree that perhaps this may have been the case...and the fact that the OP said she had asked a relative and was not given information that it would be a 'black tie' event...not 'nice' in my opinion.
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Old 06-08-2014, 10:01 PM
 
Location: MN
1,306 posts, read 1,345,172 times
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Originally Posted by HomeIsWhere... View Post
I agree that perhaps this may have been the case...and the fact that the OP said she had asked a relative and was not given information that it would be a 'black tie' event...not 'nice' in my opinion.
I would ask the relative later on why I wasn't informed of how formal the dress code would be. If the relative forgot, I'd give them a pass this once...but then from here on out, inquire a lot more about the dress code. From someone in the wedding party. For my wedding, I told people it was semi-formal to formal. If I had told my soon-to-be in-laws it was outright formal, it would have really scared them off so I allowed for flexibility. But I TOLD them when they asked, and even when they didn't.
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Old 06-08-2014, 10:04 PM
 
Location: Ohio
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I have always wore dressier clothes to weddings. I wouldnt think to show up in a prom dress unless the invite said so. At our wedding and vow renewal people wore dress casual, we didnt list anything on invite about dress.
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Old 06-08-2014, 10:22 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Ohky0815 View Post
I have always wore dressier clothes to weddings. I wouldnt think to show up in a prom dress unless the invite said so. At our wedding and vow renewal people wore dress casual, we didnt list anything on invite about dress.
I have to say I would not have wanted women to show up to my wedding dressed like they were at this formal wedding - they would have totally outshone me! Even my bridesmaids weren't as dressed up as what I saw the other night. I put on my invitations that people could wear whatever they felt comfortable in. People showed up in the usual assortment of semi-formal and cocktail dresses.
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Old 06-08-2014, 10:55 PM
 
Location: California
29,597 posts, read 31,914,576 times
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My cousin had a "black tie" wedding a few years back and the ladies did not wear gowns like you are describing. I sure didn't, I wore a short sheath dress too, with tights and flats. I didn't feel out of place at all (that's really dressed up for me anyway). Some of the older gals had beaded dresses and tops, which I guess pass as fancy, but I don't recall anyone being over the top dressy. Many men had on a tux, some had on a suit, some just jacket and tie because that's what they own. I wouldn't expect anyone to pay money to buy or rent clothing to wear for a couple hours as a guest.
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Old 06-09-2014, 09:23 AM
 
2,516 posts, read 7,549,787 times
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Event, venue, and start time are indicators of dress code, and were once the only indicators that guests would receive. People simply understood what to wear by the what, the when, and the where. The formality of the actual invitation is also a clue. In modern society, we expect invitations to tell us what to wear, but, traditionally, it is not proper etiquette.

"Nice hotel" can mean a lot of things, but if the wedding is being held at 5 p.m. or later in one of the more formal venues available in that locale, a woman should assume at least cocktail attire (which is not interchangeable with a day dress, "day" being the operative word). Under no circumstances would I attend a wedding-- even an informal one-- wearing the dress I wore to work that day. For me, it isn't about whether the dress is clean or suitable; I simply consider attending a wedding an honor worthy of, at least, a change of clothes.

When in doubt about proper attire, ask the host. However, be prepared to hear "Whatever makes you comfortable," and be likewise prepared ignore it. People are generally uneasy telling others what to wear unless they can make the stricture sound like fun (see: theme parties), which is probably why they began stating the dress code on invitations in the first place. The point of dressing up for a special occasion is not be comfortable; it is to honor the dignity of the occasion. If someone doesn't want to go somewhere unless he can dress "comfortably," or in his own personal version of "dressy," then he should probably decline the invitation.
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