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Old 06-09-2014, 06:32 PM
 
Location: California
29,613 posts, read 31,923,958 times
Reputation: 24744

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As someone who had a miscarriage I still get the OP and don't think it's being insensitive to ask questions like this. People need to stop being so raw about everything. PEOPLE CAN ASK QUESTIONS!!

I also wonder about the mindset of having miscarriage tattoos all over your arm (don't get all fizzy, I have a right to wonder about whatever the hell I want) And no, not all woman are "devastated for life" when having one. I'm not, it's a real common thing and I wouldn't want that marked all up on my body to have to explain to everyone. Oh yeah, you do have to explain tattoos too and can't be complaining when people ask about them.

See how we set ourselves up to constantly be mad at other people?
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Old 06-09-2014, 06:45 PM
 
Location: The point of no return, er, NorCal
6,916 posts, read 4,229,909 times
Reputation: 8906
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceece View Post
As someone who had a miscarriage I still get the OP and don't think it's being insensitive to ask questions like this. People need to stop being so raw about everything. PEOPLE CAN ASK QUESTIONS!!

I also wonder about the mindset of having miscarriage tattoos all over your arm (don't get all fizzy, I have a right to wonder about whatever the hell I want) And no, not all woman are "devastated for life" when having one. I'm not, it's a real common thing and I wouldn't want that marked all up on my body to have to explain to everyone. Oh yeah, you do have to explain tattoos too and can't be complaining when people ask about them.

See how we set ourselves up to constantly be mad at other people?
Why does it matter what other people choose to do to their own body in the first place? Everyone mourns and grieves their own way. This is her way.

No one "has to" explain anything they don't want to. They don't need to divulge anything. They can decide when and where to share whatever information they wish about their choice in tattoos or body modification.

Asking a question, an honest one, is one thing, thinly or not so thinly veiled judgments and criticism is another. Do you want someone critically questioning you about your grieving process or whatever else that may be personal to you? I know of a number of women who were not completely devastated by their miscarriages. They expressed sadness and disappointment, but it was not a life-altering experience or event. And there are those where the opposite is true. Is one grieving process more "right" than the other? Can those who were devastated rightfully say and question the others' heart and emotions or claim they're X or Y because they grieved a different way? No.

You and everyone else are within your right to grieve your own way or process events in your life in your own way. And you're free to not mourn whatever losses you face in the form of a tattoo. See how that works?
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Old 06-09-2014, 07:33 PM
 
Location: Northville, MI
11,882 posts, read 10,529,842 times
Reputation: 6312
Hearing all the comments from women here made me shed tears. I feel so sorry for you all, and know how painful it is to lose someone before your very eyes. I went through the same when grandma died in front of my eyes.

To the OP: To some people like me, speaking or symbolizing their remorse relieves their hearts. For me, seeing something like a miscarriage happen, and bottling it up inside would surely make me explode with an array of negative emotions one day. The more I reveal what happened to others, the more comforted I feel over time. That's just my nature.
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Old 06-09-2014, 08:34 PM
 
Location: Chicago
825 posts, read 1,287,218 times
Reputation: 1692
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceece View Post
As someone who had a miscarriage I still get the OP and don't think it's being insensitive to ask questions like this. People need to stop being so raw about everything. PEOPLE CAN ASK QUESTIONS!!

I also wonder about the mindset of having miscarriage tattoos all over your arm (don't get all fizzy, I have a right to wonder about whatever the hell I want) And no, not all woman are "devastated for life" when having one. I'm not, it's a real common thing and I wouldn't want that marked all up on my body to have to explain to everyone. Oh yeah, you do have to explain tattoos too and can't be complaining when people ask about them.

See how we set ourselves up to constantly be mad at other people?
I completely agree. People are just way too sensitive these days and can't handle anything. I personally can't understand why a woman would mourn about a miscarriage for years and years. You never got a chance to even know him or her, so how can you be so devastated?
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Old 06-10-2014, 01:43 AM
 
Location: California
29,613 posts, read 31,923,958 times
Reputation: 24744
Quote:
Originally Posted by Metaphysique View Post
Why does it matter what other people choose to do to their own body in the first place? Everyone mourns and grieves their own way. This is her way.

No one "has to" explain anything they don't want to. They don't need to divulge anything. They can decide when and where to share whatever information they wish about their choice in tattoos or body modification.

Asking a question, an honest one, is one thing, thinly or not so thinly veiled judgments and criticism is another. Do you want someone critically questioning you about your grieving process or whatever else that may be personal to you? I know of a number of women who were not completely devastated by their miscarriages. They expressed sadness and disappointment, but it was not a life-altering experience or event. And there are those where the opposite is true. Is one grieving process more "right" than the other? Can those who were devastated rightfully say and question the others' heart and emotions or claim they're X or Y because they grieved a different way? No.

You and everyone else are within your right to grieve your own way or process events in your life in your own way. And you're free to not mourn whatever losses you face in the form of a tattoo. See how that works?


People can and will do whatever they want, everyone else can judge and criticize. It's pretty much a universal truth and I'm not immune from it.

Tattoos for miscarriages scream "help" to me and if it was someone close I'd try to get it for them. That's my thinking, but I'm not going to go around saying it to a strangers face. I have manners along with my brain. I really don't mean to be rude here either but this is the place to say what I think.
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Old 06-10-2014, 04:59 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 28,532,606 times
Reputation: 19578
Quote:
Originally Posted by kgordeeva View Post
I completely agree. People are just way too sensitive these days and can't handle anything. I personally can't understand why a woman would mourn about a miscarriage for years and years. You never got a chance to even know him or her, so how can you be so devastated?
You know, mine happened over twenty years ago, both of them. I think my mourning period is over, but every once in a while I still think of them.

You never meet that child but you carry them in your body, imagining what they will look like, imagining their growth.

How they will be as a toddler, growing up, etc. When you are pregnant, you think of these things and when you miscarry you mourn for the life that could have been that was lost.

Now I take medications that could cause certain birth defects, so I know my body probably rejected the fetuses because they probably would not have been able to live outside of the womb. I understand that. I still had to mourn the loss of two of my children.
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Old 06-10-2014, 05:00 AM
 
Location: Middle America
35,819 posts, read 39,375,570 times
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Anybody CAN criticize whomever they want, but people who are critical of parents' memorials to deceased children are a "special" kind of critical.
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Old 06-10-2014, 05:04 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 28,532,606 times
Reputation: 19578
I thought of this thread yesterday as I walked through the grocery store. You know, I get tattoos that have meaning to me, for me.

I know what I will get for my grandmother, and for my mother I will probably get a lone tiger lily. I am still putting the thought into what I will get for my father.

I have lost them all, and I do still mourn them each and every day. The pain of their loss never goes away, while over the years it does fade a little.

I have to wonder if some of the people just don't like tattoos in general. I feel like others do not feel a fetus is a person.

So many others do. I know I sure do.
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Old 06-10-2014, 08:57 AM
 
Location: The point of no return, er, NorCal
6,916 posts, read 4,229,909 times
Reputation: 8906
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
Anybody CAN criticize whomever they want, but people who are critical of parents' memorials to deceased children are a "special" kind of critical.
Precisely.
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Old 06-10-2014, 11:54 AM
 
Location: in your dreams
10,892 posts, read 13,016,851 times
Reputation: 15317
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adi from the Brunswicks View Post
Hearing all the comments from women here made me shed tears. I feel so sorry for you all, and know how painful it is to lose someone before your very eyes. I went through the same when grandma died in front of my eyes.

To the OP: To some people like me, speaking or symbolizing their remorse relieves their hearts. For me, seeing something like a miscarriage happen, and bottling it up inside would surely make me explode with an array of negative emotions one day. The more I reveal what happened to others, the more comforted I feel over time. That's just my nature.
Made me cry too... I would have a 7yr old now if things had gone smoothly, but they did not and I am lucky to be alive. I didn't need a tattoo to remember that since I have a physical scar from the surgery that saved my life when the life growing within me had already died.... I do have a tatt inspired by the loss of my best friend though. For me, getting the tattoo meant that I had overcome the hardest, most rock-bottom place in my grieving and had already begun climbing up from the depths of my own personal dispair... That in itself was a miracle.. So a big ol F-U to the op and anyone else.... Lol
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