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Old 06-10-2014, 05:29 PM
 
Location: Middle America
35,821 posts, read 39,419,773 times
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I like tattoos, have two, but am not interested in memorial tattoos for myself, personally. But I don't presume to judge others who choose those designs.
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Old 06-10-2014, 05:34 PM
 
Location: Montreal, Quebec
15,087 posts, read 11,532,114 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hotzcatz View Post
I'm not sure if this should be in the "grief & mourning" section or over here in Fashion and Beauty. Maybe it's a health thing and should be in the health section of CD, I dunno.

I've noticed a lot of folks getting "mourning" type tattoos. They will put the name of their deceased along with a date or something in a prominent spot as a tattoo. Has anyone else noticed this?

A waitress at one of our local cafes put the name and date of her mis-carrriage in huge letters on her arm. It's the only tattoo she has and she has this lovely perfect skin with this big black text on it now. Does she really want to go through the rest of her life explaining a mis-carriage? I think she lost it in her first or second tri-mester so it wasn't all that close to term, really.

Other folks put names and death dates on their arms, legs, etc. etc. Is this good? I mean, all they are ever going to think about is the day their deceased died. It's not like they put "Brunhilda - BFF" or anything, it's Brunhilda 6-6-2012 or some such. How could they get any more dismal than that? Why don't they tattoo something happier about their friend than that they died?
I'm trying to figure out how any of this is your business.
If you think it's creepy....don't get one.
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Old 06-10-2014, 06:02 PM
 
2,795 posts, read 3,158,930 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RedZin View Post
I know exactly how that feels, WildCard. My daughter would have turned 15 this summer. It's not something you ever get over. You just live with it.

Hugs..
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Old 06-10-2014, 06:10 PM
 
2,795 posts, read 3,158,930 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikantari View Post
You know, mine happened over twenty years ago, both of them. I think my mourning period is over, but every once in a while I still think of them.

You never meet that child but you carry them in your body, imagining what they will look like, imagining their growth.

How they will be as a toddler, growing up, etc. When you are pregnant, you think of these things and when you miscarry you mourn for the life that could have been that was lost.

Now I take medications that could cause certain birth defects, so I know my body probably rejected the fetuses because they probably would not have been able to live outside of the womb. I understand that. I still had to mourn the loss of two of my children.

The same here, I no longer grieve or ask why our son Eric was still born, I felt the things you listed above, it since has been replace with how he be today as his own person... Yes I think of him daily, like I do with all my children..I'm a mother! .

Last edited by WildCard~; 06-10-2014 at 06:26 PM..
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Old 06-10-2014, 06:11 PM
 
2,795 posts, read 3,158,930 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adi from the Brunswicks View Post
Hearing all the comments from women here made me shed tears. I feel so sorry for you all, and know how painful it is to lose someone before your very eyes. I went through the same when grandma died in front of my eyes.

To the OP: To some people like me, speaking or symbolizing their remorse relieves their hearts. For me, seeing something like a miscarriage happen, and bottling it up inside would surely make me explode with an array of negative emotions one day. The more I reveal what happened to others, the more comforted I feel over time. That's just my nature.
Sorry for your loss.
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Old 06-10-2014, 06:17 PM
 
2,795 posts, read 3,158,930 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kgordeeva
I completely agree. People are just way too sensitive these days and can't handle anything. I personally can't understand why a woman would mourn about a miscarriage for years and years. You never got a chance to even know him or her, so how can you be so devastated?

Says the person who has never had a miscarriage.


Quote:
Originally Posted by joe from dayton View Post
Says the person who has never had a miscarriage.
I agree~ We are mothers/ fathers .. I do believe the love we feel towards are children is the closes will ever get to understanding unconditional (agape) love~
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Old 06-11-2014, 01:51 AM
 
Location: Moku Nui, Hawaii
9,316 posts, read 17,976,237 times
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Well, I guess I used a wrong example, folks have gotten more into the whole miscarriage example than the more basic question of why folks would want to inscribe unhappy stuff on their skin.

The waitress had a new tattoo, the kind that's all still red around the edges. It was a name so we asked who it was, just as you'd expect anyone would, wouldn't they? Somebody has "Kaylee" freshly written on their arm in massively huge letters, wouldn't you inquire (nicely) about who "Kaylee" is? I mean, who'd expect anything so grim? An eight to ten week miscarriage isn't the answer that was expected, that's for sure. Maybe it was just sheer ignorance on my part to not expect an answer of that nature.

I was pretty shocked, actually, that anything that unhappy would be the subject of a tattoo. We expressed condolences of course but I didn't know how to ask her anything further about it, although she seemed real willing to chat about it. Is there any way to ask "why did you tattoo that on your arm?" without being insensibly rude and deserving of thrown coffee pots? I thought maybe the forum folks would know why someone would do that sort of thing. Been some interesting answers!

Other than writing unhappy events on themselves, I also don't understand the fascination with skulls as fashion icons, either. I thought maybe the two were related, she's of the age that she has lots of skull images, although none of them are tattooed.
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Old 06-11-2014, 01:54 AM
 
Location: Ohio
5,627 posts, read 4,647,700 times
Reputation: 6732
Quote:
Originally Posted by hotzcatz View Post
Well, I guess I used a wrong example, folks have gotten more into the whole miscarriage example than the more basic question of why folks would want to inscribe unhappy stuff on their skin.

The waitress had a new tattoo, the kind that's all still red around the edges. It was a name so we asked who it was, just as you'd expect anyone would, wouldn't they? Somebody has "Kaylee" freshly written on their arm in massively huge letters, wouldn't you inquire (nicely) about who "Kaylee" is? I mean, who'd expect anything so grim? An eight to ten week miscarriage isn't the answer that was expected, that's for sure. Maybe it was just sheer ignorance on my part to not expect an answer of that nature.

I was pretty shocked, actually, that anything that unhappy would be the subject of a tattoo. We expressed condolences of course but I didn't know how to ask her anything further about it, although she seemed real willing to chat about it. Is there any way to ask "why did you tattoo that on your arm?" without being insensibly rude and deserving of thrown coffee pots? I thought maybe the forum folks would know why someone would do that sort of thing. Been some interesting answers!

Other than writing unhappy events on themselves, I also don't understand the fascination with skulls as fashion icons, either. I thought maybe the two were related, she's of the age that she has lots of skull images, although none of them are tattooed.
"Why did you tattoo that on your arm?" - "to remember my daughter who died"

symbols can be easier to tell a story than words. They can tell a bigger story and you have a bit more freedom.
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Old 06-11-2014, 07:56 AM
 
Location: in your dreams
10,892 posts, read 13,025,620 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hotzcatz
Is there any way to ask "why did you tattoo that on your arm?" without being insensibly rude and deserving of thrown coffee pots?
Not really...I can't speak for everyone, but what I can say is that when you experience a significant loss, grief, or trauma- it changes you- forever. The change happens so drastic and deeply inside that sometimes a person may wish to mark themselves on the [physical] outside as a way to reflect and balance painful emotions.. It can be very difficult moving forward as your changed "self" when the rest of the world just goes on as if nothing happened.. * Leave your waitress alone if you wish to convey anything other than compassion or understanding. There is really nothing constructive about saying you think tattoos are stupid and ugly.
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Old 06-11-2014, 09:47 AM
 
8,825 posts, read 6,304,678 times
Reputation: 2352
Mourning is just another excuse for a tattoo. It replaces the one about "how the tattoo means so much to me and I spent years designing the tattoo, blah, blah".
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