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Old 06-09-2014, 01:04 AM
 
Location: Moku Nui, Hawaii
9,316 posts, read 17,951,460 times
Reputation: 7980

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I'm not sure if this should be in the "grief & mourning" section or over here in Fashion and Beauty. Maybe it's a health thing and should be in the health section of CD, I dunno.

I've noticed a lot of folks getting "mourning" type tattoos. They will put the name of their deceased along with a date or something in a prominent spot as a tattoo. Has anyone else noticed this?

A waitress at one of our local cafes put the name and date of her mis-carrriage in huge letters on her arm. It's the only tattoo she has and she has this lovely perfect skin with this big black text on it now. Does she really want to go through the rest of her life explaining a mis-carriage? I think she lost it in her first or second tri-mester so it wasn't all that close to term, really.

Other folks put names and death dates on their arms, legs, etc. etc. Is this good? I mean, all they are ever going to think about is the day their deceased died. It's not like they put "Brunhilda - BFF" or anything, it's Brunhilda 6-6-2012 or some such. How could they get any more dismal than that? Why don't they tattoo something happier about their friend than that they died?
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Old 06-09-2014, 01:14 AM
 
Location: Ohio
5,627 posts, read 4,635,095 times
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First of all as a mom who has suffered a miscarriage- HOW INSENSITIVE OF YOU! " I think she lost it in her first or second tri-mester so it wasn't all that close to term, really"!!! It doesnt matter if the baby was born or not- she lost her child and that is a GREAT way to remember her child! She WANTS to talk about her child she lost.

Secondly, its not walking around hanging on to the person you lost, its a way to remember them and talk about them.

Tattoos tell a story.
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Old 06-09-2014, 01:21 AM
 
Location: Moku Nui, Hawaii
9,316 posts, read 17,951,460 times
Reputation: 7980
One or two out of ten pregnancies end in mis-carriage (10 - 20%), it's almost a "normal" hazard of pregnancy. Some cultures don't even officially name the child until they are a year old due to high infant mortality rates.

Is she going to want to continue to dwell on it ten years from now? As a single almost mom, is it a good thing to write in huge letters on her arm? She's not the only one getting these types of tattoos, though. It just seems terribly morbid to write a death date on yourself.
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Old 06-09-2014, 01:24 AM
 
Location: Ohio
5,627 posts, read 4,635,095 times
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Yes 10 years from now, she will remember and want to talk about that child. Im at the 5 year mark from my last miscarriage and it still aches.
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Old 06-09-2014, 05:31 AM
 
Location: Middle America
35,817 posts, read 39,346,783 times
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I can't really understand why somebody would want to pass judgment on how another person copes with this type of loss. Talk about asinine.
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Old 06-09-2014, 09:22 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 28,520,978 times
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I see a lot of 'mourning' tattoos and I see nothing wrong with them. I see tattoos representing life as well. Is that ok or better?

I have one niece with her sons footprints, name, and birthdate on her back and it is a lovely tattoo. It represents my great nephews life. I think that is wonderful.

My nephews wife has almost the same exact tattoo for her baby girl who died at I think 6months or so old. While this child died, the tattoo still represents her life and the love her mother had for her, for whatever little time she had with her on this earth.

Is there a reason that is not ok? With or without the tattoo she will never forget the life and death of this daughter.

People who do not have or do not like tattoos usually never understand that in most cases, tattoos are much deeper than just the ink on their skin. They have personal meaning to the individual wearing them.

I have tattoos, and while no one else knows it, they tell a life story. They are about my journey in life, may the times be good or bad.

People see my tattoos and they just see a peacock here, a lotus there, etc. That is all those things are to them, but to me they represent a time in my life. A time that will never change.

Do I want to be reminded of a bad time in my life? Why not? When I am reminded of bad times in my life it makes me realize how wonderful my life is now.

When I see these death tattoos I see the mourning of a soul. I do not see the ruining of beautiful skin.

I am going to get something for my grandmother. It will not be her name or date of death, but something in her handwriting that only has meaning to me and no one else.

Oh sure, there will be people like the OP out there to be judgmental but do I care? NOPE!
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Old 06-09-2014, 09:28 AM
 
Location: in your dreams
10,892 posts, read 13,010,885 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hotzcatz
It just seems terribly morbid to write a death date on yourself.
It's only seems "morbid" to you because that person's life experience did not happen to you.. Therefor, you do not understand.
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Old 06-09-2014, 10:24 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
10,860 posts, read 18,883,731 times
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I don't think any of us have any right to judge how someone copes with a loss. You can't know how much that loss means to someone or what they need to do to feel like they're healing.

I had a couple of miscarriages before I had my children, and it was very upsetting at the time, but the years and the successful pregnancies I had afterwards have faded those memories. I don't think I would choose to record the dates of those miscarriages on my body, and I didn't think of it at the time, but that doesn't mean it was the wrong choice for your waitress. You also don't know if that's her only tattoo, under her uniform she might have a lot of tattoos and she just decided to make the most meaningful one the only visible one so far.

Also, it doesn't matter if she's single or not, doesn't mean that the pregnancy she lost was unwanted.
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Old 06-09-2014, 11:13 AM
 
2,795 posts, read 3,151,636 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ohky0815 View Post
First of all as a mom who has suffered a miscarriage- HOW INSENSITIVE OF YOU! " I think she lost it in her first or second tri-mester so it wasn't all that close to term, really"!!! It doesnt matter if the baby was born or not- she lost her child and that is a GREAT way to remember her child! She WANTS to talk about her child she lost.

Secondly, its not walking around hanging on to the person you lost, its a way to remember them and talk about them.

Tattoos tell a story.
Agree.. I have miscarried with our first, it was heartbreaking , yes I was grift stricken....We had three more children all healthy, then became preg with twins lost one going into the 1 month, later lost the second during labor. A son Eric... I had one friend say, at least you have three other kids, like some how Eric could so simple be replace .... He was a life, even tho it was short he has forever change ours , not a day go by he doesn't come to mind to least once. it's been 23 years! ..... As for tac my daughter in law has one on her shoulder for her grandmother she loved deeply has since past, other is my daughter friend lost a sibling to cancer at 17, it's above her heart with his name and a saying and a dear friend Ho lost a daughter shortly after birth, he has her tac on his arm with name date...
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Old 06-09-2014, 11:26 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 28,520,978 times
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Wow. This thread makes me want to get the tattoo in honor of my grandmother even more.

All of you who lost a child in miscarriage, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost two as well.
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