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Old 06-25-2014, 04:24 PM
 
2,540 posts, read 3,309,734 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jade408 View Post
Yesterday I didn't put a ton of care in my appearance. I was tired. My skin was tripping out and I had dry patches (I probably have eczema and my skin hates me this week). I need to do laundry so all my favorite outfits put together were dirty.

I combed my hair into a ponytail, loaded up on moisturizer, put on a t-shirt, cardigan, skirt and loafers and called it a day. I didn't have the mental energy to do anything else.

My clothing was clean, my hair was combed. My outfit "matched." That is sufficient to look presentable. Makeup not required.
Great, nothing wrong with that. But you didn't go out in dirty pajama pants and with flesh spilling out of a cami three sizes too small. That's what we're talking about here.
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Old 06-25-2014, 04:36 PM
 
2,540 posts, read 3,309,734 times
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It also makes me sad sometimes when women just seem really clueless about style and what looks good on them. I'm not talking about running out for errands but like the ones that end up on 'What not to wear' - who pick out a 'style' that is entirely unflattering/inappropriate/just ugly and stick to only buying and wearing clothing in that style because they're afraid or unwilling to step out of their comfort zone. I'm especially puzzled at the women who are resistant to even *trying on* a new style like it's somehow going to change their personality or something. I know there are things I won't wear, but I'm willing to try on anything for the fun of it - it's just clothing, sheesh!

I had a former manager who was like that. Young, pretty girl. Could've been really attractive if she even put in a tiniest bit of effort. But a total tomboy, and all she ever wore, every day, were what looked like men's clothes. As in literally, baggy men's jeans or cords and oversized lumberjack shirts or sweaters, and hiking boots. Every.day. Lovely long hair that just hung there with no shape whatsoever and half-grown-out bad highlights, . Zero makeup. It just killed me, I wished I could nominate her for WNTW, lol! I kept looking at her and thinking how great she could look in actual women's clothing, tiny bit of makeup and a good haircut.
The saddest thing was that she really didn't seem like one of those outright tomboys who tend to be super confident and comfortable in their skin. If anything she seemed not confident, reserved and didn't seem to have great self-esteem. I think somewhere inside she would've liked to look more feminine but didn't know how to go about it, or was afraid to for some reason. Sad.
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Old 06-25-2014, 05:14 PM
 
2,181 posts, read 2,040,950 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilCookie View Post
It also makes me sad sometimes when women just seem really clueless about style and what looks good on them. I'm not talking about running out for errands but like the ones that end up on 'What not to wear' - who pick out a 'style' that is entirely unflattering/inappropriate/just ugly and stick to only buying and wearing clothing in that style because they're afraid or unwilling to step out of their comfort zone. I'm especially puzzled at the women who are resistant to even *trying on* a new style like it's somehow going to change their personality or something.
That's exactly what it would do to them, that's why its so traumatic(and transforming). Tons of people's identity is intimately tied to their physical appearance, which includes clothes. Put in philosophical terms, they are heavily identified with form.
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Old 06-25-2014, 05:25 PM
 
Location: Oakland, CA
26,897 posts, read 28,215,907 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilCookie View Post
It also makes me sad sometimes when women just seem really clueless about style and what looks good on them. I'm not talking about running out for errands but like the ones that end up on 'What not to wear' - who pick out a 'style' that is entirely unflattering/inappropriate/just ugly and stick to only buying and wearing clothing in that style because they're afraid or unwilling to step out of their comfort zone. I'm especially puzzled at the women who are resistant to even *trying on* a new style like it's somehow going to change their personality or something. I know there are things I won't wear, but I'm willing to try on anything for the fun of it - it's just clothing, sheesh!

I had a former manager who was like that. Young, pretty girl. Could've been really attractive if she even put in a tiniest bit of effort. But a total tomboy, and all she ever wore, every day, were what looked like men's clothes. As in literally, baggy men's jeans or cords and oversized lumberjack shirts or sweaters, and hiking boots. Every.day. Lovely long hair that just hung there with no shape whatsoever and half-grown-out bad highlights, . Zero makeup. It just killed me, I wished I could nominate her for WNTW, lol! I kept looking at her and thinking how great she could look in actual women's clothing, tiny bit of makeup and a good haircut.
The saddest thing was that she really didn't seem like one of those outright tomboys who tend to be super confident and comfortable in their skin. If anything she seemed not confident, reserved and didn't seem to have great self-esteem. I think somewhere inside she would've liked to look more feminine but didn't know how to go about it, or was afraid to for some reason. Sad.
Lots of women dress in super baggy and unflattering clothing because they attracted negative attention, particularly at a young age.

My little sister "developed" early and dressed in super baggy clothing through middle school and half of high school because she got picked on for her womanly shape.

I know other women who got sick of street harassment due to their "womanly curves" and started covering up.

In my 20s I went through a no skirts on transit phase because of just that. It was prompted by the fact that I was sitting waiting for the bus or whatever and some guy decided I just need him to caress my back and give me a massage after saying "hi." (and staring at my legs). So yeah, I wasn't too comfortable dressing cute. [and before anyone tries to blame it on my outfit, not that that is ok, it was like a conservative combo of a pencil skirt and twinset. Not exactly club wear)

Eventually I decided that it was their problem and not mine and went back to wearing skirts and dresses (My fave clothing item) but it took a few years.

Yes, I would like everyone in the universe to wear flattering clothing, no matter what their size is. But we have to realize that there can be complex reasons people don't.
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Old 06-25-2014, 07:16 PM
 
2,540 posts, read 3,309,734 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jade408 View Post
Lots of women dress in super baggy and unflattering clothing because they attracted negative attention, particularly at a young age.

My little sister "developed" early and dressed in super baggy clothing through middle school and half of high school because she got picked on for her womanly shape.

I know other women who got sick of street harassment due to their "womanly curves" and started covering up.

In my 20s I went through a no skirts on transit phase because of just that. It was prompted by the fact that I was sitting waiting for the bus or whatever and some guy decided I just need him to caress my back and give me a massage after saying "hi." (and staring at my legs). So yeah, I wasn't too comfortable dressing cute. [and before anyone tries to blame it on my outfit, not that that is ok, it was like a conservative combo of a pencil skirt and twinset. Not exactly club wear)

Eventually I decided that it was their problem and not mine and went back to wearing skirts and dresses (My fave clothing item) but it took a few years.

Yes, I would like everyone in the universe to wear flattering clothing, no matter what their size is. But we have to realize that there can be complex reasons people don't.
Eh, I guess everyone is different - because I've known plenty of women, especially those from my culture (Russian), who have always received plenty of attention, a lot of it unwanted, but that didn't prevent them from dressing to accentuate their looks.
And in my opinion, it shouldn't. There are always going to be creeps out there - they shouldn't dictate what you wear! I got approached by this much older dude one time, I was just wearing workout pants and he came up and started singing praises to my **s and hips , loudly, which was pretty embarrassing considering it was a public bus stop with people around. And he went on for like 20 minutes! I seriously didn't know how to get rid of him. But did that prevent me from ever wearing fitted pants again? Hell no, I just laughed about it with my husband afterwards.
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Old 06-25-2014, 07:39 PM
 
Location: Oakland, CA
26,897 posts, read 28,215,907 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilCookie View Post
Eh, I guess everyone is different - because I've known plenty of women, especially those from my culture (Russian), who have always received plenty of attention, a lot of it unwanted, but that didn't prevent them from dressing to accentuate their looks.
And in my opinion, it shouldn't. There are always going to be creeps out there - they shouldn't dictate what you wear! I got approached by this much older dude one time, I was just wearing workout pants and he came up and started singing praises to my **s and hips , loudly, which was pretty embarrassing considering it was a public bus stop with people around. And he went on for like 20 minutes! I seriously didn't know how to get rid of him. But did that prevent me from ever wearing fitted pants again? Hell no, I just laughed about it with my husband afterwards.
I have had plenty of occasions where so called nice comments escalate to something physically or verbally threatening. And I don't mean "damn girl you are hot" more like "stupid b, uppity n word do you think you are too good for me." That's not particularly pleasant. If it stopped at simple messages i wouldn't have been so concerned.
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Old 06-25-2014, 07:47 PM
MJ7
 
6,221 posts, read 8,215,109 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MissLadyLexi25 View Post
This is what I have been trying to get people in this thread to understand, you don't have to dress like your going to the club everytime you go out but making sure you look presentable with what you got.
Absolutely, I actually realized something the other day when I was donating food to the homeless. The homeless do so much with so little, and I thought I understood what that meant, but I really didn't until I saw it first hand. Homeless people have better daily regimens than some wealthy individuals.
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Old 06-25-2014, 08:31 PM
 
2,540 posts, read 3,309,734 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jade408 View Post
I have had plenty of occasions where so called nice comments escalate to something physically or verbally threatening. And I don't mean "damn girl you are hot" more like "stupid b, uppity n word do you think you are too good for me." That's not particularly pleasant. If it stopped at simple messages i wouldn't have been so concerned.
Well, I guess I've never lived in particularly dangerous neighbourhoods so I haven't encountered that sort of thing (for that matter I doubt any of the women I'm referring to do either as we lived in an extremely safe city). I wouldn't wear a miniskirt and heels to go for a walk at night in a sketchy part of town or anything, I'm talking about being out and about on a regular basis, in populated places, going to work, etc.
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Old 06-25-2014, 08:40 PM
 
Location: Northville, MI
11,882 posts, read 10,551,583 times
Reputation: 6312
Quote:
Originally Posted by jade408 View Post
I have had plenty of occasions where so called nice comments escalate to something physically or verbally threatening. And I don't mean "damn girl you are hot" more like "stupid b, uppity n word do you think you are too good for me." That's not particularly pleasant. If it stopped at simple messages i wouldn't have been so concerned.
I would recommend going with a male accomplice to those places. Its unsafe for women and children to venture into the hood at any time.
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Old 06-25-2014, 11:38 PM
 
Location: Oakland, CA
26,897 posts, read 28,215,907 times
Reputation: 26044
Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilCookie View Post
Well, I guess I've never lived in particularly dangerous neighbourhoods so I haven't encountered that sort of thing (for that matter I doubt any of the women I'm referring to do either as we lived in an extremely safe city). I wouldn't wear a miniskirt and heels to go for a walk at night in a sketchy part of town or anything, I'm talking about being out and about on a regular basis, in populated places, going to work, etc.
These weren't in dangerous areas! I am talking most recently in the financial district of San Francisco. I have also had bad experiences in white middle class suburbia. I grew up in middle class suburbia and live in a middle/upper middle class area of Oakland and spend most of my time in similar areas. I probably spend 30% of my time in "ok" areas where you run into harmless characters. I might go to a "dangerous" place 2 times a year. Maybe, that is likely an exaggeration. I don't go to the hood. I didn't grow up in the hood. I don't live in the hood now. And I don't have many relatives in the hood. Maybe a couple of distant cousins I have never visited. I have probably been to the hood and actually stopped and got out of the car 2-5 times ever.

It is very off topic for this thread but there big differences in the ways "white" women are street harassed vs "black" women are harassed. We get it much much worse, no matter what sort of neighborhood it is. The odds are you will never experience the extreme forms of street harassment that black women are (and darker latinas) because you are white. Meanwhile black girls who develop early are trained/taught that they are responsible for the attention and should dress accordingly.
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