Do you think society looks down on men who date larger women? (shoulders, nails)

[iknowftbll]

Originally Posted by theropod

I thought society praises for men being with large women. At least, they think the man is 'sympathetic'.

Some people do. It's actually a bit patronizing, though. On the one hand you have people who excoriate overweight women and the men that pursue them, on the other hand you have this group who falls all over themselves to tell you how great it is, and neither reaction is really warranted. I had a girl once tell me "I think it's great you are willing to date girls like her." she was referring to a bigger girl I was with that night. "Girls like her?" She was smart, attractive, fun to be around...Doesn't everyone want to date a girl like her? So her butt was a little bigger, and her belly was a little soft, and her boobs a little bigger. Gorgeous face...Yeah, I'm really taking one for the team, dating a "girl like her." You know what the best thing would be, really? To not be "accepted" or "frowned upon" but to not even be noticed any more so than any other couple out there. It wasn't out of sympathy I pursued overweight women, nor was it a lack of options. It was just a normal thing to do.

[RomaniGypsy]

Originally Posted by T_DC

Nice post.

I don't know about the part quoted above. I am sure that there are some guys who have a varied enough preference that it's probably not any port in a storm but enough ports and one includes you.

Honestly, if you ask a man what he REALLY likes as far as a woman's appearance, he will be able to give you his description of what constitutes a "ten"... or he might even tell you about a woman he knows who he feels is a "ten". Not long ago I was talking with a friend of mine about a woman he's been crushing on for seven years, and while I went item by item asking him about why he think she's ideal, he did confess that in the looks department, she is but a "nine" in his book... and he proceeded to name a woman he knows who is a "ten". (I have never seen the other woman, but the fact remains - he can tell ME that his crush is a "nine" - if he told HER that, how would she feel? A guy has two choices in a case like that - keep it a secret from his not-quite-a-ten girlfriend, or tell her. In the first case, he's keeping secrets... and that's ALWAYS a bad idea because sooner or later they come to the surface. In the second case, either she'll be offended or she will accept it because she has poor self-esteem. In neither case can anything good come of it.)

Originally Posted by T_DC

I knew a guy who stated that while many may have narrowed tastes he likes them slim to pretty think depending on the woman. That almost sounds like any port in a storm ir it would look that way if you saw his dating history but they were all cute girls with decent personalities. That was more his "type".

Slim to pretty THIN, or pretty THICK? Hard to tell. I'm guessing it's "slim to pretty thick". Again I state for the record that while that may be his allowable range, there is a point within that range that is ideal for him. "Cute" girls with decent personalities? Sometimes I think that "cute" is overused... often it is given as a compliment on one's appearance when "beautiful", "gorgeous", "handsome", "hot", etc. wouldn't qualify. (Heck, I use all kinds of complimentary words for my wife when talking about her appearance but she won't let me use "cute"... she says "'CUTE' is for CHILDREN!")

Every girl I ever dated was "cute" in her own way and had a decent personality. But in the privacy of my own thoughts, I knew what I preferred. The thinnest woman I dated in my adult years was 5'8" and 160 pounds... she had a lot of good stuff going for her and we dated for almost 1 1/2 years... but my eyes would invariably wander to the lovely large women I saw in the course of my daily life and I would feel guilty about that. It's not that I thought God would smite me for eyeing another woman, or that she would catch me doing so, but it was my feeling of "if my girlfriend knew that I'm more drawn to women who look like that one, she'd be hurt and mad... and rightfully so".

Originally Posted by iknowftbll

Some people do. It's actually a bit patronizing, though. On the one hand you have people who excoriate overweight women and the men that pursue them, on the other hand you have this group who falls all over themselves to tell you how great it is, and neither reaction is really warranted. I had a girl once tell me "I think it's great you are willing to date girls like her." she was referring to a bigger girl I was with that night. "Girls like her?" She was smart, attractive, fun to be around...Doesn't everyone want to date a girl like her?

You know, truthfully, this is one of the best fringe benefits of preferring fat women. Since they are generally considered less desirable than thin women, for reasons I have already mentioned, I don't have to worry about lots of other dudes wanting to date a girl like mine... and potentially hitting on her even when I'm around. I can go from zero to violent really fast whenever it appears that someone is attempting to abscond with anything that's mine. Plus, my wife doesn't want anyone else hitting on her either... and she specifically tries to avoid situations in which she is likely to find guys who would stare at her or hit on her.

Originally Posted by iknowftbll

So her butt was a little bigger, and her belly was a little soft, and her boobs a little bigger. Gorgeous face...Yeah, I'm really taking one for the team, dating a "girl like her." You know what the best thing would be, really? To not be "accepted" or "frowned upon" but to not even be noticed any more so than any other couple out there. It wasn't out of sympathy I pursued overweight women, nor was it a lack of options. It was just a normal thing to do.

I get what you're saying. But the crazy thing is that I have never heard this, even once. I've dated over 20 fat women in my lifetime and never once has anyone told me that they think it's great that I am with such a person. Thus, I wonder how prevalent this is.

[Adi from the Brunswicks]

Its his preference. Why should another person bother to stick their nose into his preferences.

Personally though, I'm usually not attracted to heavier women, sorry about that. But I'm not at all against men who are attracted to them. Why should I care about their thoughts ?

[CSD610]

Originally Posted by Pitt Chick

No.
As a member of society, I can confidently say that I do not care who you date.

^^^ and if "society" would keep it's opinions to itself about who dates whom for what reason a lot of folks would be much happier except, they could already be much happier if they would live their lives the way they want and tell society to tend to their own lives.

Personally I do not care what anyone in society thinks about anything I do in my life, their opinions do not affect my real life in any way shape or form and I have never before and never will compare myself or my Husband to any other human.

[iknowftbll]

Originally Posted by RomaniGypsy

You know, truthfully, this is one of the best fringe benefits of preferring fat women. Since they are generally considered less desirable than thin women, for reasons I have already mentioned, I don't have to worry about lots of other dudes wanting to date a girl like mine... and potentially hitting on her even when I'm around. I can go from zero to violent really fast whenever it appears that someone is attempting to abscond with anything that's mine. Plus, my wife doesn't want anyone else hitting on her either... and she specifically tries to avoid situations in which she is likely to find guys who would stare at her or hit on her.

And yet, in my experience I found a lot of the overweight women I pursued were no more receptive to my advances than any of the fit/athletic/lean ones I pursued. At first this surprised me. To be rejected by a "fat girl" was at first a huge disappointment. Eventually I realized it was no different than being rejected by any other girl. She had her preferences and I was not within her parameters. You can't fault a woman for that, really. I wrongly assumed at first that since I was interested in "fat girls" and they were not considered by society to be as universally appealing as other girls, they would just be happy to get attention from a reasonably attractive athletic type of guy. My point of failure was that these women valued themselves equally to other women (and rightfully so) despite society assigning a lesser "value" or desirability level.

Originally Posted by RomaniGypsy

I get what you're saying. But the crazy thing is that I have never heard this, even once. I've dated over 20 fat women in my lifetime and never once has anyone told me that they think it's great that I am with such a person. Thus, I wonder how prevalent this is.

I've encountered a lot of different reactions to my preferences. Some were genuine. Some girls were legitimately happy for their friend to have a guy she liked. Others were, like I said already, somewhat patronizing. Sort of a "I'm glad she found a guy but I'm glad it's not me." or "I'm so relieved she finally got herself a man." One woman I dated had a 13 year old daughter who literally begged me to marry her mother and that I wouldn't find another woman like her ever. One girl I dated had friends tell me how lucky I was to be with her. And then there were the "why would you date her?" reactions too. From women and men alike. I've had guys suggest I view myself as a 2nd or 3rd tier option to women for dating overweight women. It's interesting, really.

Hell, we even have a term for guys like me: Chubby chaser. Notice we don't have a term for guys who prefer blondes? Or athletic girls? Or a given ethnicity? But we have a term for men who prefer fat ones, further suggesting society's view that it is an abnormality.

[rainroosty]

I look down on society.

[lifesigns64]

Society/people look down on a lot of things, I don't pay a bit of attention to
what society/people think of my choices . . . but in answer to your question,
yes, I think people look down on anything that is not "perfect" or close to
perfect.

[cfa-ish]

Originally Posted by rainroosty

I look down on society.

So by transitivity, you look down on men who date larger women.
I look down on people like that. But I am a man who dated a large woman.
We just violated the laws of mathematics. Gee thanks for causing the universe to collapse.

[RomaniGypsy]

Originally Posted by iknowftbll

And yet, in my experience I found a lot of the overweight women I pursued were no more receptive to my advances than any of the fit/athletic/lean ones I pursued.

You may be right. Since I haven't asked out or otherwise pursued a "lean" woman since I was 17, I wouldn't be able to figure out if there is a difference between thin women and fat women where that's concerned. My guess, from what I have seen of people, is that fat girls think that a man who pursues them has ulterior motives... thinking things like "a guy wouldn't possibly want me the way he'd want a thin girl, so this guy is probably either a wack-job or he's only looking at me as though I might be an easy lay". As such, they'll reject such guys. Or... maybe they have as much self-confidence, on average, as any other type of woman out there and they refuse to settle! Who knows. I haven't studied it.

Originally Posted by iknowftbll

At first this surprised me. To be rejected by a "fat girl" was at first a huge disappointment. Eventually I realized it was no different than being rejected by any other girl. She had her preferences and I was not within her parameters. You can't fault a woman for that, really. I wrongly assumed at first that since I was interested in "fat girls" and they were not considered by society to be as universally appealing as other girls, they would just be happy to get attention from a reasonably attractive athletic type of guy. My point of failure was that these women valued themselves equally to other women (and rightfully so) despite society assigning a lesser "value" or desirability level.

I have been rejected by fat women and I never once had indignation due to being rejected by "a fat woman"... it was always disappointment over being rejected by the woman I wanted to date. Though this may sound cocky, I always thought "what's wrong with you that you can't see that I'm a good man, and that you should be honored to go out with someone who is going to treat you well?".

Originally Posted by iknowftbll

I've encountered a lot of different reactions to my preferences. Some were genuine. Some girls were legitimately happy for their friend to have a guy she liked. Others were, like I said already, somewhat patronizing. Sort of a "I'm glad she found a guy but I'm glad it's not me." or "I'm so relieved she finally got herself a man." One woman I dated had a 13 year old daughter who literally begged me to marry her mother and that I wouldn't find another woman like her ever.

Well, you have to love kids. She obviously thought very highly of you and did what she could think to do, in her 13-year-old mind, to promote her mom to you.

Originally Posted by iknowftbll

One girl I dated had friends tell me how lucky I was to be with her. And then there were the "why would you date her?" reactions too. From women and men alike. I've had guys suggest I view myself as a 2nd or 3rd tier option to women for dating overweight women. It's interesting, really.

Those dudes have never opened themselves up to the wonderful world of fat women. There are certain empirical advantages.

1) Fat women are harder to kidnap. It's cliche' but it's true. Can you imagine how many dudes it'd take to drag my 372-pound wife away? Guaranteed, they'd never get away with it without causing someone to call the police.

2) You know how, if you rub the same area a lot, on a person's body, the skin will either become raw or irritated? Fat women have a lot more skin area... meaning you can rub for much longer and you won't go over the same area so often that it gets raw or irritated.

3) Fat women tend to be tougher and stronger, if for no other reason than because carrying around all of that extra weight is like constant strength training. This means that they put up a better fight when you're horsing around (and if she outweighs you, her weight advantage may counterbalance your strength advantage), and it's much harder to hurt them unintentionally. This also applies to hugs - I'm a pretty strong dude, and the only person I've ever "hugged too hard" is my rail-thin mom. (And really... who am I going to hug harder... my mom, or my significant other?)

4) Adding on to #3, though I've never had sex with a thin woman, I would imagine that it's far more comfortable for a woman to have a man half her weight on top of her than it would be for a woman to have a man twice her weight on top of her.

5) You can actually SQUEEZE a fat woman and it feels nice and squeezy. Every time I tried to squeeze the first long-term girlfriend I had (who was 5'5" and 115 pounds), all I got was bones. It didn't feel all that good.

6) If you're the jealous or protective type, it's better to have a woman whom few other men will try to pursue. Some dudes have no scruples... they'll hit on a married woman just as easily as they'd hit on a single woman.

So let society look down upon me. I know the truth.

Originally Posted by iknowftbll

Hell, we even have a term for guys like me: Chubby chaser. Notice we don't have a term for guys who prefer blondes? Or athletic girls? Or a given ethnicity? But we have a term for men who prefer fat ones, further suggesting society's view that it is an abnormality.

Or an elite club.

It's sort of like what my ex-Marine high school history teacher once said - "how come, when you're in the Army, you're just in the Army... but when you're in the Marines, you're 'a Marine'?" When you prefer blondes, you prefer blondes. When you prefer fat women, you're a chubby chaser. Or... I prefer "fat admirer". "Chubby chaser" conjures up mental images of chasing fat women around the playground like we're in kindergarten again. I never chased a fat woman... but I sure have admired them since I was two years old.

[70's Music Girl]

OP in your post you mention it's kinda a double standard - it's sad to say but this seems to be the case. It's not fair at all, and I hope this consistent harsh judgement on women will stop.

Women need to give themselves more credit and embrace the beautiful goddesses they are.