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Old 12-08-2014, 09:42 AM
 
2,029 posts, read 1,431,976 times
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Forgive me for asking, but why are groomsman and bridesmaids expected to pay for their own tuxs and dresses after someone else has asked them to be in THEIR wedding? I would think that if you were spending thousands of dollars on a wedding anyway, and you were ASKING someone to be in YOUR wedding, that you would cover the cost of their outfit for them to do it. I know that for the past few decades, this has been common practice, but in my opinion, this makes no sense. It seems like an outdated tradition/expectation that hasn't kept up with the times, and that needs to change. Especially considering how much things cost these days. What do you all think?
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Old 12-08-2014, 11:17 AM
 
Location: USA, California
36 posts, read 27,781 times
Reputation: 93
It's all completely cultural. In some places the bride and groom pay, and some places they don't. As a bride, I simply can't afford to shell out another $400+ for my 4 bridesmaids dresses. With that in mind, I realize they're not made of money which is why I'm working with them to find dresses within their budgets, and giving them over a year to purchase them. You say I'm spending thousands ANYway like I just have cash to throw around. I don't. I'm saving up VERY strictly to be able to pay for everything else, and as I mentioned, adding on the girls' dresses just won't be feasible. My girls know I don't just grow cash in my backyard, and they know I'm asking them to stand with me because I love them and want them with me.
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Old 12-08-2014, 04:21 PM
 
406 posts, read 224,755 times
Reputation: 91
I've always had to pay for mine. I just rented one because this old boy doesn't own any threads like that. Had to be careful to not damage or slop any food on it as well. They charged you extra for such damage.

For awhile there, it seemed as though I was always getting invited to friends and family weddings. I'm glad that tapered off in recent years. I don't like wearing one of those monkey suits.

When everyone was drinking those fancy mixed drinks at the reception, I'm in the back drinking cold beer. I didn't eat the foo-foo snacks either. I'm headed right for the steaks and shrimp. LOL


Had to get my moneys worth....alright. LOL
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Old 12-08-2014, 05:15 PM
 
Location: Mostly in my head
19,634 posts, read 53,495,108 times
Reputation: 18543
I never heard of the wedding couple paying for the others' outfits.
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Old 12-08-2014, 05:27 PM
 
Location: Middle America
35,817 posts, read 39,361,269 times
Reputation: 48613
I have purchased my own bridesmaid dress in every wedding that I've been in. The understanding is that when you agree to be in the wedding party, the role comes with a degree of financial outlay. I have actually declined being in someone's wedding party, because at the time (student), I could not financially commit to the role, in terms of the travel and lodging involved and the cost of attire. Remember that oftentimes, wedding party members also end up sharing the cost of various festivities related to the wedding, depending on how elaborate things are. Being in somebody's wedding can be quite expensive, and it's something to consider when you agree to perform that role.

When I got married last winter, my bridesmaids purchased their own attire, but they were not required to purchase a particular dress, shoe, accessories, etc. I selected the color, but they were able to choose a dress that fit their taste and budget, and I didn't care what shoes they wore, how they did their hair, etc. So the amount they chose to spend was up to them. I did gift each of them with a matching keepsake necklace to wear during the ceremony, and of course supplied their bouquets, which were simply baby's breath tied with a ribbon. My husband and all but two of his groomsmen are U.S. Navy Chiefs, and they all wore their dress blues, no tuxes. The two civilian groomsmen wore dark suits that were similar enough in design to the E-7 and up dress blues, so none of the guys had to buy/rent anything.
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Old 12-08-2014, 05:29 PM
 
Location: Middle America
35,817 posts, read 39,361,269 times
Reputation: 48613
Mods might wanna move this to the wedding forum.
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Old 12-09-2014, 04:30 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 28,526,733 times
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You can always decline being in the wedding.

Either way you are going to have to wear clothing to the wedding if you plan on going. Should they pay for your outfit if you are not in ht e wedding party?
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Old 12-09-2014, 09:27 AM
 
Location: Back at home in western Washington!
1,500 posts, read 3,752,364 times
Reputation: 3217
I haven't been in a wedding in more years than I care to recall . However, I did not buy / rent a dress for either wedding I have been in. I was told that "because the bride wanted specific dresses for her bridesmaids, that she would pay for them". (Something along those lines anyway). The other wedding, the dresses were rented and paid for by the brides family.

When I got married, I picked the colors I liked and then asked the groomsmen and bridesmaids if they would like us to pay for something for them to wear or if they could cover it. All of them chose and covered the cost of their own outfits with the exception of one groomsman.

In my mind, the difference is: a bride choosing the color, dress, shoes, accessories, etc...and then insisting that the wedding party fork out the bucks to buy all the required gear so they can have the privilege of being in the wedding (at that point, I wouldn't consider it an honor or privilege because I would feel taken advantage of) versus a bride choosing a color or theme and then giving free rein to her wedding party to buy what they want within those guidelines. This allows the wedding party participants to choose and buy what they can afford, as well as something they may be able to wear again.

If I was asked to be in a wedding like the first example...I would decline.
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Old 12-09-2014, 01:12 PM
 
Location: Palm Beach County
614 posts, read 1,404,482 times
Reputation: 457
[quote=Mentallect;37561102]Forgive me for asking, but why are groomsman and bridesmaids expected to pay for their own tuxs and dresses after someone else has asked them to be in THEIR wedding? I would think that if you were spending thousands of dollars on a wedding anyway, and you were ASKING someone to be in YOUR wedding, that you would cover the cost of their outfit for them to do it. I know that for the past few decades, this has been common practice, but in my opinion, this makes no sense. It seems like an outdated tradition/expectation that hasn't kept up with the times, and that needs to change. Especially considering how much things cost these days. What do you all think?




The etiquette is that the bridal party pay their attire and whatever celebration is being planned for her bachelorette. However, it depends on the people, finances and if there was a verbal indication that some one and/or family would take care of any wedding-related expenses.

If you can't afford to be in the wedding party, then tell them so and just be a guest.
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Old 12-09-2014, 09:18 PM
 
Location: Fredericksburg, Va
5,119 posts, read 12,720,764 times
Reputation: 7221
I payed for my bridesmaids dresses....but it's traditional to have the participants pay. Doesn't seem fair, but that's how it is.
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