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Old 12-14-2014, 08:26 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
10,860 posts, read 18,883,731 times
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Do you think you might be obsessing over it to give yourself an excuse for failure? Or maybe focusing on the way you want to be seen so much that you don't pay attention to the interactions you have with people, which leads to that "off" feeling?

I was bullied when I was a kid. I was abused by my mother. It colored my perception of how I deserved to be treated. There were and are plenty of people willing to be my friends, I just had to believe that I was worthy of being someone's friend and that I had interesting things to say, before I could form friendships. That feeling of being worthy might be what you're looking for, but you focus on your appearance, feeling that if you just look nice enough, you'll be good enough for people to be your friend. Instead, you need to work on your self-esteem. Make a list of your good qualities and read it over often. Tell yourself that you are a good person and you deserve to have good things happen to you.

A lot of people just want a friend who's a good listener...you don't have to be hip, stylish and entertaining to be that kind of friend, just listen when they talk without asking them a million questions, then they get comfortable talking to you and talk to you more often, then next thing you know, you're friends with the person.
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Old 12-14-2014, 10:00 PM
 
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Maybe that's sort of my issue, but the kids try to turn it back on my looks, so I become quite a bit self-conscious. Plus, it also has to do with a strong desire for female bonding. When my mom was alive, she tried to make me obsess over my appearance, and I always rejected her. I didn't think it was important and thought she was just trying to control me because she never gave me a good reason for it. Once she left us and I entered the world of work, I learned the hard way that she was just trying to help. I've always had trouble keeping things clean, neat, and organized, though, and that even applies to my clothing and physical appearance. I would really like a big sister or mommy-type to help criticize, evaluate, and teach me. I don't know where to find those kinds of people, though, so I just sort of retreat into my fantasy world to comfort myself.

It probably does go far beyond my looks, though. It's possible I just don't know how to communicate with people. I had a pretty lonely childhood just because I did not know how to talk to and interact with other children. It hurt a lot to be excluded by them, and I kind of feel like I relive some of that even as an adult. I went a few years in high school without having any friends. I had mostly frenemies and bullies. I told myself that if I was just "cool" enough, I would have friends, but that never happened, and I didn't grow much, because I was afraid of my circumstances.
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