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Old 01-22-2015, 05:10 PM
 
Location: Alexandria, VA
10,715 posts, read 19,061,208 times
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Ignore him, total caveman
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Old 01-22-2015, 05:44 PM
 
26 posts, read 23,386 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Murk View Post
I agree with Pitt Chick. Also, telling someone "Hey, I like your necklace," or "Your hair looks great today," is different from "You look fit" which is basically saying you were checking out their body...
i don't think you have to check someone out to know what they look like. that's ridiculous. and saying "you look fit" could be similar to "hey, i like your necklace" because you're complimenting on her effort and character. at least where i'm from, being told you look fit is a huge compliment because you're telling someone that their efforts in looking better or being healthier are successful. complimenting on someone's eyes or chest, now that would be different.


there really isn't any context given here and i have to agree that it could change the situation. women do get hit on a lot, i agree, but a lot of women don't know how to take a compliment, too. so if one is going to argue that he could have acted rudely then they'll have to admit that he could have acted kindly as well since the details don't really explain either case (except for the hr department, maybe). and i'm not saying that anyone has to be thankful for every compliment they receive (that should not be the case) but sometimes people can act rude when someone is being genuinely nice to them. people are individuals, men don't act one way and women don't either.

however, like i said, there really isn't much context so there is nothing else i can add to the conversation unless you provide more details, op. there are double standards for both sexes but i'd like to add that not all women agree with them nor do they support them. i certainly do not.
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Old 01-22-2015, 05:55 PM
 
2,096 posts, read 2,941,170 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vision33r View Post
Many years ago, I made the mistake of giving a female co-worker a compliment. I said along the lines that she looked really fit and I was issued a warning citation from HR dept that person took it that I was trying to hit on her. She knows that I have a gf too, even the HR person knows me well said that they're going to let it go because they know that I didn't have any intention.

But, it's ok when women say that to a guy or another gal that they look good today or they look fit while guys can't say anything to women in fear that they'll get reported on.

If women want equality, how can such double standards exist?
I am guessing that it exists because men take it as the woman wanting them and letting them know. I bet if men reported it to HR something would be done.
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Old 01-22-2015, 06:01 PM
 
Location: Where the sun always shines
1,866 posts, read 2,417,288 times
Reputation: 3376
Quote:
Originally Posted by vision33r View Post
Many years ago, I made the mistake of giving a female co-worker a compliment. I said along the lines that she looked really fit and I was issued a warning citation from HR dept that person took it that I was trying to hit on her. She knows that I have a gf too, even the HR person knows me well said that they're going to let it go because they know that I didn't have any intention.

But, it's ok when women say that to a guy or another gal that they look good today or they look fit while guys can't say anything to women in fear that they'll get reported on.

If women want equality, how can such double standards exist?
Its nonsense. Your are considered a creep or wrongly hitting on a women depending on her level of attraction to you. Unless I hear something first offering a green light, I really dont trust women on the job nowadays
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Old 01-22-2015, 06:21 PM
 
Location: Purgatory
6,317 posts, read 4,442,883 times
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A co-worker of mine who recently lost over 100 lbs once asked me what to do after she got a compliment like that. I'm a female and told her to ignore it. The way this woman put it, it was almost as though no one had made a comment like that to her in her life.

Walk a mile in a semi-attractive "fit" females shoes. They get comments like that daily, even in professional work places. I was even once asked in an interview if i was "sensitive" to compliments. Most women DO NOT REPORT IT because it is so common place and they are worried about their jobs.

OP, my advice to you is to stop making comments like that. You never know how it will be interpreted and where the line in her mind is.
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Old 01-22-2015, 06:26 PM
 
2,799 posts, read 2,515,649 times
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It was years ago you paid a compliment and was reported to HR and now you are asking?

Friendly tip:
1) When complimenting a woman on her appearance keep it generic
2) Only compliment women you know reasonably well or have a good sense of their personality
3) Since it wasn't to hit on the woman, think of what you'd say to your mom or sister if you were complimenting them
4) And much like email etiquette 'when in doubt don't send it' - in this case - don't say it.

I agree many have gotten too sensitive to every little thing, but if you value your work place keep compliments about anyone's appearance to a minimum or use examples as others have mentioned. I have on occasion meant to compliment a woman, and she was mature enough to simply tell me herself it made her uncomfortable so I did not do so anymore. That's ideally how it should work - the running to HR as third party thing should only occur if the persons been told and they continue to do so.

I do occasionally compliment female co workers. I used to have a female co worker with beautiful auburn hair and I complimented her a few times on colors of clothing that looked great on her. Had a funny incident in workplace a few months back when one female (A) mentioned to another female that her 'skirt' looked sassy. Female B, "is that good or bad?". Female A sort of flummoxed, "good" Female A turning to engage Employee C (male) overhearing it. Employee C, "well I would say good".

Employee D coming upon the discussion, is asked what do you think, "Well it could be good or bad depending on the context. Sassy could be sassy as in irritating - as in a sassy verbal response, or it can be good as in connoting sexy". Employee D deftly leaves the scene of the discussion of "what does sassy mean", in regards to a females colorful skirt, while getting a nice glance from B.

Here's one to try in a work environment, talk about the Myers Briggs test and then say, "I can tell you're an EOFP" When she asks what that is say, "Epitome of Feminine Pulchritude".
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Old 01-22-2015, 06:32 PM
 
Location: New Yawk
8,652 posts, read 4,790,877 times
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Some people are more self conscious and sensitive about having their body commented on.
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Old 01-22-2015, 06:47 PM
 
Location: West of Louisiana, East of New Mexico
2,494 posts, read 1,854,719 times
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What you say is not as important as WHO you say it to? If a woman finds you attractive and/or "likes" you as a person, she may smile, blush and say thank you at your comment. If a woman is neutral towards you, doesn't know you or doesn't like you, that sort of comment could get you into big trouble.

I never comment on how a woman looks unless she asks me for my opinion. If you're really tight with a female coworker, this probably isn't an issue since you're friends.
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Old 01-22-2015, 07:10 PM
 
460 posts, read 626,707 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scooby Snacks View Post
Exactly. Of course you could always go with the absolute worst compliment ever. Many husbands have made the mistake of saying this to their wives, and these five words are frequently the first step toward a divorce:

"You look fine in that outfit."
That's 6 words.
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Old 01-22-2015, 09:36 PM
 
Location: Northville, MI
11,882 posts, read 10,529,842 times
Reputation: 6312
You might want to talk about something else.

I always talk about common interests and throw a compliment somewhere in the middle. Most don't even notice it.
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