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Old 01-23-2015, 11:51 AM
 
9,352 posts, read 8,745,131 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosh01 View Post
During decades of sexual harassment training at work, it was drummed into us that your comment or the intent of your comment is irrelevant. The only thing that counts is how it was received. If the woman thinks she's being harassed, she is being harassed and the guy will be punished. She is in charge.

It is not a two way street. I was in a situation many years ago where one of the women who worked for me began to leave me crazy love notes. She was crazy and it developed into a Fatal Attraction kind of thing. She even contacted a friend of mine and told him I was in love with her but couldn't admit it to myself because I was married. I immediately went to my boss with the first note and kept everyone, including my wife, informed every step of the way. Was anything done to her? Of course not. Everyone was too afraid to make an issue of it and I was very afraid that it would become a "he said, she said" kind of thing where I would lose for certain. Finally, my wife and I talked with her husband who reigned her in somehow and she soon left the company.

If you think the male/female thing in the workplace is balanced you are being very naive.
I agree! That was pounded into our heads as well: "It's how it's perceived." The entire anti-harassment situation has gotten out of hand. I do agree there are instances wherein a company should protect an employee if comments/actions go too far. It's gotten so bad that even if a male coworker smiles at a female coworker she can claim he is sexually harassing her. . . and they take her at her word. Ludicrous.

And what happened to you at work with the wacky gal, is just one example where HR should have been there for you. And I too have seen the double standard as well.

I questioned about emotional harassment at work; specifically when one of the managers was continually harassing and embarrassing those in her department who were not her "pets". I was informed that the anti-harassment policy had nothing to do with managers picking on employees, and to just 'get over it'.
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Old 01-23-2015, 12:25 PM
 
11,780 posts, read 8,214,888 times
Reputation: 3425
Quote:
Originally Posted by katie45 View Post
I agree! That was pounded into our heads as well: "It's how it's perceived." The entire anti-harassment situation has gotten out of hand. I do agree there are instances wherein a company should protect an employee if comments/actions go too far. It's gotten so bad that even if a male coworker smiles at a female coworker she can claim he is sexually harassing her. . . and they take her at her word. Ludicrous.
Doubtful. At most they would pay lip service to the woman in question if the guy just gave her a normal smile.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosh01 View Post
A woman could say either to a man and he'd not think anything of it. Both are benign. I've had people say, "nice suit" many times over the years, but they were always being sarcastic.
That's because guys don't complain. Guys don't even complain when they actually are harassed, but that has no bearing on whether the company would take action.
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Old 01-23-2015, 12:36 PM
 
Location: Birmingham
11,790 posts, read 12,645,459 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vision33r View Post
No way, she's not my type. At the time she's probably a couple of years older than me. She's known as a maneater around the office gossip, she does the hunting. She probably reported me because she probably had a bad day and wanted me to back off.

I know she probably didn't really wanted to have a conversation with me but she's the chatty type herself and couldn't stop yapping with me and I was comfortable enough to just mention that she looked fit.

Then all the more reason to not have anything to say to this person that isn't professional and doesn't involve work. You should have known better, and "fit" is not an appropriate comment to share with a coworker.
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Old 01-23-2015, 12:37 PM
 
Location: Northville, MI
11,882 posts, read 10,532,785 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
And expecting the workplace to be professional isn't necessarily "uptight." Women will get remarks about their appearances all the time (as if their appearance is up for public comment,) but at work, that's not why she's there. If you want to pay a compliment, say "that report was really impressive" or "I like that comment you made in this morning's meeting."
I have talked about common interests to women during lunch break at my techie internship. You don't have to be all that formal unless the talk is with higher ups.

Last edited by Adi from the Brunswicks; 01-23-2015 at 12:55 PM..
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Old 01-23-2015, 03:38 PM
 
Location: San Francisco
2,279 posts, read 3,733,033 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adi from the Brunswicks View Post
So ladies, have you ever complimented a guy for his looks.
Not at the workplace, nor would I do something to someone who was on the job (and therefore a captive audience), ie. salesperson, wait staff, etc. It's just not appropriate.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ovi8 View Post
To be honest, how uptight and on the defensive can a woman be that she can't take an honest "you look fit" as simply a compliment and make her day that much better? Some people are just robots.
Yeah, but how often is the "You look fit" or similar remark paired with a leer, knowing look, or looking her body slowly up and down? When you can't even walk down the street without being harassed by construction workers, you get pretty hypersensitive to the issue.

I'll use myself as an example - I am very, very busty. Let's suppose someone wants to tell me they like my sweater. Picture the following two scenarios:

1) "Hey, Wry! Great sweater, I love the color!"

2) "Hey, Wry!" **slowly looking up and down my body and staring at my chest*** "Great . . . uh . . . sweater." ***continue staring at my chest.***

Big difference between the two.
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Old 01-23-2015, 03:44 PM
 
Location: Northville, MI
11,882 posts, read 10,532,785 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wry_Martini View Post
Not at the workplace, nor would I do something to someone who was on the job (and therefore a captive audience), ie. salesperson, wait staff, etc. It's just not appropriate.



Yeah, but how often is the "You look fit" or similar remark paired with a leer, knowing look, or looking her body slowly up and down? When you can't even walk down the street without being harassed by construction workers, you get pretty hypersensitive to the issue.

I'll use myself as an example - I am very, very busty. Let's suppose someone wants to tell me they like my sweater. Picture the following two scenarios:

1) "Hey, Wry! Great sweater, I love the color!"

2) "Hey, Wry!" **slowly looking up and down my body and staring at my chest*** "Great . . . uh . . . sweater." ***continue staring at my chest.***

Big difference between the two.
#2 is creepy at work. I'll give you that.

And did you mean busty or busy. From earlier posts, I recall you always had a lot of work to get done.
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Old 01-23-2015, 05:05 PM
 
3,153 posts, read 2,851,801 times
Reputation: 8670
Quote:
Originally Posted by apexgds View Post
Not in a professional setting.

About complimenting men - All the time. I compliment clothes mostly, or a new haircut. I think I would stop short at "fit," though....even from a woman to a man, it's either creepy or suggestive.
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Old 01-23-2015, 06:04 PM
 
8,139 posts, read 5,704,475 times
Reputation: 11527
Never compliment a female coworker on their physical appearance. I make a point of not even being particularly friendly to female coworkers until I determine that they aren't wackadoo in the head.
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Old 01-23-2015, 06:58 PM
 
Location: NYC
11,829 posts, read 7,707,929 times
Reputation: 12814
At my current job, it appears women and gays can openly make comments about looks. All the men are buttoned down and never mentions anything about gays and women in fear of corporate policy violation.

Because of this most of the men do not eat or socialize with the women at all.
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Old 01-23-2015, 10:28 PM
 
Location: H-Tine, Texas
6,742 posts, read 3,872,364 times
Reputation: 8522
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
This. Even "nice outfit!", or "beautiful dress!" would be better than telling someone they're fit.

What does "fit" even mean? Lots of women are slim and trim. That doesn't mean they work out or run regularly or engage in any physical activity that would make them "fit". I've been told by other women that I'm "athletic" at times in my life when I wasn't at all engaged in any exercise program. I don't know what that's supposed to mean. Where do people get this? How do you even know she's fit, OP? Did you take her blood pressure and measure her heart rate after putting her on a treadmill?


Yeah, OP, as benign as your compliment probably was, it's just a safe bet not to say anything along those lines to a female colleague.

This is why I don't bother to give out harmless compliments to women, outside of the ones I know like my family members. Some women will just overanalyze things to death.

I've been told my colleagues lately that I'm looking bigger and more muscular and I say, 'thanks' and don't make an issue out of it.

Then again, I'm a guy.
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