U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Fashion and Beauty
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-22-2015, 11:48 AM
 
Location: NYC
11,824 posts, read 7,695,291 times
Reputation: 12814

Advertisements

Many years ago, I made the mistake of giving a female co-worker a compliment. I said along the lines that she looked really fit and I was issued a warning citation from HR dept that person took it that I was trying to hit on her. She knows that I have a gf too, even the HR person knows me well said that they're going to let it go because they know that I didn't have any intention.

But, it's ok when women say that to a guy or another gal that they look good today or they look fit while guys can't say anything to women in fear that they'll get reported on.

If women want equality, how can such double standards exist?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-22-2015, 11:56 AM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,426 posts, read 35,718,901 times
Reputation: 38829
Sometimes it is not WHAT you say but HOW you say it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-22-2015, 11:57 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
21,465 posts, read 22,706,474 times
Reputation: 45139
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
Sometimes it is not WHAT you say but HOW you say it.
And WHEN you say it and WHY you say it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-22-2015, 11:57 AM
 
1,931 posts, read 1,159,413 times
Reputation: 9146
I agree with Pitt Chick. Also, telling someone "Hey, I like your necklace," or "Your hair looks great today," is different from "You look fit" which is basically saying you were checking out their body...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-22-2015, 12:00 PM
 
Location: Bel Air, California
20,344 posts, read 20,428,723 times
Reputation: 31588
it's best just not too be too complimentary, "hey, you're not that hideous looking at all today" is generally considered safe
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-22-2015, 12:07 PM
 
Location: NYC
11,824 posts, read 7,695,291 times
Reputation: 12814
It was polite and I'm never the person to hit on someone openly with that sort of compliment, it was just a frank compliment in a conversation. Of course I never say it again at work but I hear women say the same thing to each other and I've gotten compliments from women saying that I always look fit and no issues.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-22-2015, 12:10 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
72,675 posts, read 64,140,481 times
Reputation: 68458
Quote:
Originally Posted by Murk View Post
I agree with Pitt Chick. Also, telling someone "Hey, I like your necklace," or "Your hair looks great today," is different from "You look fit" which is basically saying you were checking out their body...
This. Even "nice outfit!", or "beautiful dress!" would be better than telling someone they're fit.

What does "fit" even mean? Lots of women are slim and trim. That doesn't mean they work out or run regularly or engage in any physical activity that would make them "fit". I've been told by other women that I'm "athletic" at times in my life when I wasn't at all engaged in any exercise program. I don't know what that's supposed to mean. Where do people get this? How do you even know she's fit, OP? Did you take her blood pressure and measure her heart rate after putting her on a treadmill?

Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-22-2015, 02:43 PM
 
11,780 posts, read 8,209,779 times
Reputation: 3425
Quote:
Originally Posted by vision33r View Post
It was polite and I'm never the person to hit on someone openly with that sort of compliment, it was just a frank compliment in a conversation. Of course I never say it again at work but I hear women say the same thing to each other and I've gotten compliments from women saying that I always look fit and no issues.
That's because you didn't make it an issue, but that other woman did. You can't know that a double standard even exists until you know that HR will treat complaints from men and women differently.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQnNH7I07RY
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-22-2015, 03:08 PM
 
5,574 posts, read 5,535,320 times
Reputation: 16468
Quote:
Originally Posted by vision33r View Post
But, it's ok when women say that to a guy or another gal that they look good today or they look fit while guys can't say anything to women in fear that they'll get reported on.
Says who? Not according to my HR dept.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-22-2015, 03:21 PM
 
Location: San Francisco
2,279 posts, read 3,729,752 times
Reputation: 4001
Commenting on how fit someone's body looks is essentially admitting "Hey, I've been checking out your body."

Compare this with safer compliments, such as:

- "I love that shade of blue you're wearing!"

- "Cool necklace, it looks antique, is it?"

I honestly cannot see why anyone would feel share their opinion about a coworker's body at work - regardless of whether the body in question belongs to a male or female.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Fashion and Beauty
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top