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Old 04-06-2015, 06:33 PM
 
5,413 posts, read 4,835,384 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kmb501 View Post
My idols are unattainable and include people like Tina Fey, Terry Hatcher, and many other smart sophisticated socially savvy pseudo-sadistic ladies and gentlemen on television. I say they're unattainable, because I'm not a mean person. I'm also not very funny, yet I admire the strength and sophistication of the mean girl. I wish I could be *her* or at least a much more confident and wittier version of me. I've gotten better, but I'm no comic. I wonder when I see people able to take a shot at a stranger and get laughs instead of scowls. I sometimes get scowls and frowns when I try to be nice. I love to play, and I like it when people play with me. My looks, though, might have something to do with this. People, for whatever reason, may respond better to me and give me more of the benefit of the doubt if I look like a strong sophisticated woman.

I also want to have the looks of a strong wise socially competent woman. I want to look like I know how to take care of myself and put others in their place. I want to look like I know about the world and how to operate in it. I'm not there right now. I will admit, though, I have made improvements. I can at least hold my head high when those kids at my job decide to take cheap shots at me. I've even admitted that I like some friendly banter, so maybe I'm improving.
Oh dear.....I think you need professional help for self esteem issue before you go about trying to be the perfect lady.....which by the way...not even the celebs you hold in too high esteem are.
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Old 04-06-2015, 07:14 PM
 
Location: Georgia
4,515 posts, read 3,790,726 times
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Do a Google search on your idols with and without makeup -- honestly, so many of them, you would not recognize them on the street if you passed them, they would look just like every other woman -- maybe a little more casual, maybe a little more fashionable, maybe a little more confident, maybe a little more distracted . . .

Being a lady isn't how you dress or how you apply lipstick. It is an attitude of kindness and consideration for others, and a strong sense of self-worth and confidence n who you are and your place in your world.

If you need advice on dressing, avail yourself of the personal shoppers that many department stores have. Tell them what you are trying to achieve, and then see what they come up with.

And if you have no idea how to apply make-up, you can call a make-up store like Mary Kay, Bare Essentials etc. and book some time for a make-over. Or, find a make-up artist who can spend a couple of hours with you teaching you what looks good on you, and how to apply it.

Don't forget your hair -- good grooming starts with a good haircut and attention to styling, no matter how simple the style.
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Old 04-06-2015, 07:45 PM
 
8,268 posts, read 8,536,406 times
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This is kind of sweet. I think some people would mock your goal, but I think it's kind of nice. Most people don't seem to aspire to be better than they are.

There are definitely charm schools and etiquette classes, but I have no idea about prices.

A "lady" would probably wear well-made clothes, but not flashy clothes, not cheaply made clothes. They'd likely be classic clothes, and they would fit well. (It's amazing how few women know how clothes should fit.) If you're on a budget, you can find classic cuts at end-of-season sales at good department stores.

But being a lady has very little to do with how you're dressed - much more having go to with how you act. A "full-fledged" lady would speak well, with reasonably good grammar, no much slang, and not much vulgarity or cursing. And she'd be courteous and gracious.

You might like the book, Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior.

And then you need to be on the lookout for classier friends.
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Old 04-07-2015, 02:18 AM
 
118 posts, read 125,462 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kmb501 View Post
I want to be a full-fledged lady who looks and acts like she just stepped out of a conservative fashion magazine for women over thirty. I want to look and act the part perfectly, and I really am sort of obsessed with fashion and beauty. I work with teenagers who regard it heavily, and my coworkers always observe a "professional appearance," but to me seem like they went to charm school as girls. They automatically know how others are going to perceive them. I lack this ability; it may be because I'm mildly autistic, or it may be simply because I never learned. UGH you're not autistic! sheesh dump that old chestnut. You're normal! It is not weird to be fascinated with your "thing". Don't apologize for having a desire- and a nice one at that. It is not "autism" to be oblivious on how to act etc. - this is a learned skill. It is not something that comes naturally.

SNIP

Are there any services like charm schools, etiquette schools, or professionalism trainings available at an affordable price? I know of some things in my area, but I don't know of anything that will cater to my needs, really. Since there probably aren't any services like this in my area, how would I go about convincing someone to start something? Not for an affordable price! I know of one in the UK, not sure what it's called or how to find it BUT...there is a magazine UK-based that probably has some charm school/etiquette training in the Help Wanted/Situations Wanted ads in the Classifieds section The Lady Magazine | Longest Running Women Magazine UK yep- a magazine just for YOU! PS- shhh! The Duchess of Cambridge is currently running a help wanted ad for an assistant in that very magazine

I feel like I need to copy female friends who dress and act professional, but I don't know where to find such people. Currently, I have no friends who are teachers or educated professionals. I wish I could find an affordable coach somewhere.
I would start just by reading older publications on etiquette and social situations- maybe from early '60s even as old as early 1900s- Emily Post and so on. Leticia Baldridge (sp?) is another famous manners lady.
Hmm visit older people and see how they act, speak and present themselves. A lot of people from past generations adhered to standards that are low to non-existent today. All because of the "hey man live and let live" propaganda. You MAY also check out business women's organizations in your area and see if any women would like to give you some lessons at no cost at all- if you are honest about what you are wanting to do (and you sound honest and good-natured to ME) maybe someone will help you. I personally would love to- but I think you really can find out what you want to learn all on your own through careful research.

If you are having a hard time PM me- I will try to find time in my schedule to do some web searches for you on etiquette etc or whatever it is you are looking for.

Good for YOU and what you are doing is not weird. It's cool. And ignore the mean comments about "stop being something you are not" we are ALL "something we are not"- if we weren't, we'd be all walking around nude eating food with our fingers and generally acting like cave men!
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Old 04-07-2015, 08:49 AM
 
4,279 posts, read 3,303,500 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by macluffy View Post
You're not Autistic! Sheesh, dump that old chestnut. You're normal.
Um, I was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, and I did and still do have a very hard time making and keeping friends. Really, ASD / Asperger's explains a lot about the trouble I have, so I don't think you are correct in saying I'm not autistic. I was surprised to find out myself, but that does explain a lot of problems I had socializing as a child. I suffered from ridiculous social anxiety. Once I was failing a math class, but I was so afraid to approach the teacher's desk and ask for help that I just let it happen. I was often a target of vicious bullying, teasing, and verbal abuse throughout my school experience. I tasted social defeat and rejection early; this all started in kindergarten. Most of my peers rejected me and tried to hurt me. They thought I was crazy because I was a little different. The reputation followed me. I withdrew into my own little world and got so preoccupied with daydreaming about my interests that I hardly noticed the rest of the world existed. These strange obsessions lasted for years and years, but they at least helped me forget the abuse.

Last edited by krmb; 04-07-2015 at 09:10 AM..
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Old 04-07-2015, 07:14 PM
 
162 posts, read 112,075 times
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1. Not too flashy, neutral makeup or one statement focus like a bright(er) lip or a smokey(er) eye.

2. Clothes that are all a similar tone. Well fitted, tailored. Goods bras and support too. Polished women never have saggy boobs or thongs hanging out/

3. Polished hair. Doesn't matter if it's up or down as long as it's in place and looks kept.

4. When it comes to acting in public, if you don't know how to act in a situation, remain fashionably aloof. It gives you an air of mystery. Another hint is, don't complain about personal things or talk about them too much. Sloppy words can make even the most polished ladies unposh. Try not to swear. It really give you brownie points even with the most sailor mouthed people. I stopped swearing in public and people who didn't know me before the age of 20 gave me loads of compliments.

5. Jewelry. AGain nothing that looks flashy or costumey. Go for classic or opulent

6. Nails!! MOST IMPORTANT. Studies have shown that people notice hands second only to the face. Polished or manicured nails are a must.

Basically if you have a large budget, this will all be easy, if you are limited, you will need to get creative with the less expensive clothing and learn how to do your hair and make-up really well.

Good luck
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Old 04-07-2015, 07:42 PM
 
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I think I mentioned somewhere before that I have an aversion to makeup. I don't know if I will ever get up enough nerve to actually wear it. I feel like everyone can tell that I have it on, and I don't like the idea that I might break out. If at all possible, I think I should try something that will make my face look polished without makeup (or with very very light makeup) so that I don't have to deal with my nerves.
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Old 04-08-2015, 01:07 AM
 
14,790 posts, read 13,506,627 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kmb501 View Post
I think I mentioned somewhere before that I have an aversion to makeup. I don't know if I will ever get up enough nerve to actually wear it. I feel like everyone can tell that I have it on, and I don't like the idea that I might break out. If at all possible, I think I should try something that will make my face look polished without makeup (or with very very light makeup) so that I don't have to deal with my nerves.
try tinted moisturiser, and if using the right tone/applied correctly it should not look like you are wearing any. I use bare minerals makeup and it is quite light.

ORIGINAL SPF 15 Foundation | Makeup with Sunscreen | bareMinerals
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Old 04-08-2015, 05:56 AM
 
3,881 posts, read 4,587,386 times
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If you don't like makeup, wear a bright blouse or scarf to brighten your face, and smallish earring with sparkle to them. Try Aveeno face lotion (any drugstore) that has a mild skin brightener to even out your skin tone so you look your best without makeup. You could try a lip stain which adds just a mild wash of color on your lips; Burt's Bees makes some.

For clothing, use the help of the salespeople. Go to a store geared to professional women about your age: Ann Taylor and Ann Taylor Loft, White House/Black Market, etc. Tell the salesperson your budget and have her put together 2-3 complete outfits each within that budget and then pick the one that looks best on you. Then have her select pieces that will expand that one outfit (a different skirt, a cardigan, whatever) that you can consider to come back and purchase at a later date or use as inspiration for thrift store shopping.
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Old 04-08-2015, 07:25 AM
 
162 posts, read 112,075 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kmb501 View Post
I think I mentioned somewhere before that I have an aversion to makeup. I don't know if I will ever get up enough nerve to actually wear it. I feel like everyone can tell that I have it on, and I don't like the idea that I might break out. If at all possible, I think I should try something that will make my face look polished without makeup (or with very very light makeup) so that I don't have to deal with my nerves.
Sorry I didn't read through the whole thread. I got tired of reading about the people telling you to "be yourself."

I would try some tinted moisturizer. It will even out your skin tone and you wont feel made up. You won't even feel it on your skin. Also, lip gloss or lipstick. There are a lot of non sticky brands out there. These are two small things that will help you out tremendously and they won't feel restrictive.

If both of those don't work, make your hair and your clothing the center focus.
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