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Old 04-05-2015, 08:01 AM
 
4,279 posts, read 3,291,281 times
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I want to be a full-fledged lady who looks and acts like she just stepped out of a conservative fashion magazine for women over thirty. I want to look and act the part perfectly, and I really am sort of obsessed with fashion and beauty. I work with teenagers who regard it heavily, and my coworkers always observe a "professional appearance," but to me seem like they went to charm school as girls. They automatically know how others are going to perceive them. I lack this ability; it may be because I'm mildly autistic, or it may be simply because I never learned.

My desires were reignited recently by watching another teen movie where the awkward girl transforms herself into someone else to reach her goal. It's amazing what people can do with makeup and how a person can apparently become someone else if he or she has good communication skills. Besides, I like to dress up. My mother used to encourage it, so it helps me remember her. I just don't have the skills or the time and money to experiment. I do need to start looking and acting like a professional lady, though, not like a kid. I feel like I'm stuck in kid mode. I'm obsessed with some of the things they're obsessed with (but really I'm obsessed with a need for success.) I feel like if I look and act the correct way, I'll be offered a job, because people will see what I can do.

Right now, I'm just not working toward my goals. Maybe this is better suited for the psychology forum. I have a lot of goals that I have not met, and I blame it on not being "woman enough." I like dressing up as a hobby, really, but lately I've been searching for a way to fit into society and using it as an imaginary unattainable solution.

Here are some questions that were on my mind:

Are there any services like charm schools, etiquette schools, or professionalism trainings available at an affordable price? I know of some things in my area, but I don't know of anything that will cater to my needs, really. Since there probably aren't any services like this in my area, how would I go about convincing someone to start something?

I feel like I need to copy female friends who dress and act professional, but I don't know where to find such people. Currently, I have no friends who are teachers or educated professionals. I wish I could find an affordable coach somewhere.
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Old 04-05-2015, 08:29 AM
MJ7
 
6,221 posts, read 8,196,741 times
Reputation: 6487
There are clubs around every major city that cater to your needs. Toastmasters for speech, and a few for dining etiquette, etc. You'll have to just join some clubs, it's rather simple. Although I have experience with some of them, I feel they actually can have negative effects on individuals. They are good for helping one communicate and act more polite, but they tend to take away from creativity and put you in a box (a small closed-minded one). This isn't true for the communication side, as communicating ideas can obviously lead to more creativity, just don't get too cold when you join, that's all.
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Old 04-05-2015, 09:32 AM
 
Location: Encino, CA
3,419 posts, read 2,897,062 times
Reputation: 5789
Quote:
Originally Posted by kmb501 View Post
I want to be a full-fledged lady who looks and acts like she just stepped out of a conservative fashion magazine for women over thirty..
Here you go. Going to be a world leader in just a couple of years.

http://media2.s-nbcnews.com/j/stream...ktop_large.jpg
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Old 04-05-2015, 10:32 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
10,863 posts, read 18,902,231 times
Reputation: 25113
Quote:
Originally Posted by kmb501 View Post

My desires were reignited recently by watching another teen movie where the awkward girl transforms herself into someone else to reach her goal.

If you mean Not Another Teen Movie, that was a parody and the transformation was basically a joke...take a beautiful girl, put her in glasses and horrible clothes and tie her hair back, then dress her in pretty clothes and do her hair for the party scene and suddenly she's beautiful.

Changes that you make will probably be gradual and they'll be more about how you perceive yourself than about getting your hair and makeup done for a big teenage party. My suggestion would be to wear your hair down, learn to use a flat iron if you don't already, start wearing some lipstick or lip gloss in a neutral shade, and make yourself smile at people.

If you want to try out a different style, go to the thrift stores and find some clothes that fit the style you're looking for. Then try wearing those clothes on the weekends and go places where you'll see other people and hopefully interact with them. You'll learn a lot about how well your look works by how people interact with you. Some styles will work for you and others will look too weird.
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Old 04-05-2015, 10:36 AM
 
35,121 posts, read 37,830,509 times
Reputation: 61840
Quote:
Originally Posted by kmb501 View Post
I want to be a full-fledged lady who looks and acts like she just stepped out of a conservative fashion magazine for women over thirty. I want to look and act the part perfectly, and I really am sort of obsessed with fashion and beauty. I work with teenagers who regard it heavily, and my coworkers always observe a "professional appearance," but to me seem like they went to charm school as girls. They automatically know how others are going to perceive them. I lack this ability; it may be because I'm mildly autistic, or it may be simply because I never learned.

My desires were reignited recently by watching another teen movie where the awkward girl transforms herself into someone else to reach her goal. It's amazing what people can do with makeup and how a person can apparently become someone else if he or she has good communication skills. Besides, I like to dress up. My mother used to encourage it, so it helps me remember her. I just don't have the skills or the time and money to experiment. I do need to start looking and acting like a professional lady, though, not like a kid. I feel like I'm stuck in kid mode. I'm obsessed with some of the things they're obsessed with (but really I'm obsessed with a need for success.) I feel like if I look and act the correct way, I'll be offered a job, because people will see what I can do.

Right now, I'm just not working toward my goals. Maybe this is better suited for the psychology forum. I have a lot of goals that I have not met, and I blame it on not being "woman enough." I like dressing up as a hobby, really, but lately I've been searching for a way to fit into society and using it as an imaginary unattainable solution.

Here are some questions that were on my mind:

Are there any services like charm schools, etiquette schools, or professionalism trainings available at an affordable price? I know of some things in my area, but I don't know of anything that will cater to my needs, really. Since there probably aren't any services like this in my area, how would I go about convincing someone to start something?

I feel like I need to copy female friends who dress and act professional, but I don't know where to find such people. Currently, I have no friends who are teachers or educated professionals. I wish I could find an affordable coach somewhere.
Aren't you in your 20's?
Why are you watching "teen movies"?
You really should just be who you are and quit trying to be someone you are not.
You can learn how to apply makeup and in my opinion the best way to learn is to do.
Get some makeup and start putting it on, lightly at first just to see how well you do and what amount is going to be right.
Get a friend to help you along to give you an opinion.
"Dressing up" is not a hobby unless you are 5 years old.
Go and try on clothing, get clothing that fits you well, have it tailored a wee bit if necessary.
You don't need to "copy" anyone, you just need to be who you are.
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Old 04-05-2015, 02:57 PM
 
4,279 posts, read 3,291,281 times
Reputation: 2874
Aren't you in your 20's?
Yes, I'm in my late 20s.

Why are you watching "teen movies"?
It was their assignment, so I started watching it at the school with them and got curious and continued watching it when I got home. Plus, I like teen movies; they're for my age group and a little younger and explore a lot of the issues young women face. What do you recommend I watch if I don't watch teen movies and sitcoms? Besides, the comedy and sarcasm are obvious, so there's also a pretty good template on how to interact with other people, and it gives me an excuse to loosen up.


You really should just be who you are and quit trying to be someone you are not.
That statement is confusing. From my standpoint I'm no one, only some interpretation of my accumulated knowledge and experiences. Who should I be if I shouldn't try to imitate someone? "Be yourself" surely isn't what you mean if you're dealing with someone who is used to social defeat, isolation, and miscommunication. By "being myself" I'm obviously missing key aspects of effective communication. Wouldn't it make more sense to glean from someone who seems to get it right?

You can learn how to apply makeup and in my opinion the best way to learn is to do.
Get some makeup and start putting it on, lightly at first just to see how well you do and what amount is going to be right.
Get a friend to help you along to give you an opinion.
You're assuming I have friends who actually wear makeup.


"Dressing up" is not a hobby unless you are 5 years old. Go and try on clothing, get clothing that fits you well, have it tailored a wee bit if necessary.
I disagree. A lot of women shop for new clothes and get their hair done as a pastime.

You don't need to "copy" anyone, you just need to be who you are.
See my response to question number three.
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Old 04-05-2015, 03:14 PM
 
4,279 posts, read 3,291,281 times
Reputation: 2874
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom View Post
If you mean Not Another Teen Movie, that was a parody and the transformation was basically a joke...take a beautiful girl, put her in glasses and horrible clothes and tie her hair back, then dress her in pretty clothes and do her hair for the party scene and suddenly she's beautiful.

Changes that you make will probably be gradual and they'll be more about how you perceive yourself than about getting your hair and makeup done for a big teenage party. My suggestion would be to wear your hair down, learn to use a flat iron if you don't already, start wearing some lipstick or lip gloss in a neutral shade, and make yourself smile at people.

If you want to try out a different style, go to the thrift stores and find some clothes that fit the style you're looking for. Then try wearing those clothes on the weekends and go places where you'll see other people and hopefully interact with them. You'll learn a lot about how well your look works by how people interact with you. Some styles will work for you and others will look too weird.
It wasn't that movie, but that's a nice illustration. Yes, I realize the teen movies are usually over the top, all or nothing, nonstop silliness, shenanigans, and nonsense, but it was funny, and it was enough to get me watching more ugly girl sitcoms and beauty tutorials and thinking more about the image I present to people and how to make it better. I keep telling myself that if I looked "normal" everything would be easier, including talking to people and making friends. Maybe I'm getting too old to worry about things like this, though, but something about me is off. It's probably the Autism Spectrum Disorder, but I think I would have more confidence, at least initially, if I could fit into female society a little better. I also think I could gain more respect from the kids if I could give them the impression that I was a sophisticated professional.
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Old 04-05-2015, 03:38 PM
 
Location: Subconscious Syncope, USA (Northeastern US)
2,367 posts, read 1,523,456 times
Reputation: 3814
Quote:
Originally Posted by kmb501 View Post
Aren't you in your 20's?
Yes, I'm in my late 20s.

Why are you watching "teen movies"?
It was their assignment, so I started watching it at the school with them and got curious and continued watching it when I got home. Plus, I like teen movies; they're for my age group and a little younger and explore a lot of the issues young women face. What do you recommend I watch if I don't watch teen movies and sitcoms? Besides, the comedy and sarcasm are obvious, so there's also a pretty good template on how to interact with other people, and it gives me an excuse to loosen up.


You really should just be who you are and quit trying to be someone you are not.
That statement is confusing. From my standpoint I'm no one, only some interpretation of my accumulated knowledge and experiences. Who should I be if I shouldn't try to imitate someone? "Be yourself" surely isn't what you mean if you're dealing with someone who is used to social defeat, isolation, and miscommunication. By "being myself" I'm obviously missing key aspects of effective communication. Wouldn't it make more sense to glean from someone who seems to get it right?

You can learn how to apply makeup and in my opinion the best way to learn is to do.
Get some makeup and start putting it on, lightly at first just to see how well you do and what amount is going to be right.
Get a friend to help you along to give you an opinion.
You're assuming I have friends who actually wear makeup.


"Dressing up" is not a hobby unless you are 5 years old. Go and try on clothing, get clothing that fits you well, have it tailored a wee bit if necessary.
I disagree. A lot of women shop for new clothes and get their hair done as a pastime.

You don't need to "copy" anyone, you just need to be who you are.
See my response to question number three.
You dont need makeup to look professional. When looking professional. sexy isnt on the menu, and makeup falls into sexy. My husband calls it 'war paint', lol. If you look washed out, and feel you need it, keep it simple and natural.

A sharp haircut. Long usually works out to be unkempt by the end of the day. Long also takes you back to the realm of young and sexy, which is not what you are asking for.

Higher necklines are in order. No cleavage. Skirts to fall slightly above, at or just below the knee. A heel is okay, but not a very high heel, unless maybe if you are very short. Sheath dresses, and blazers.

Colors can be important. Black skirts and pants with white shirts and a blazer. Dont wear too much black. Black represents you are hiding something - death - death is a mystery, hidden. If your hair is light, keep black to pants, and skirts.

Blue speaks to your loyalty. Brown is grounded. Wear what colors compliment your hair eyes and skintone.

It took me about 5 years to build an envious wardrobe. Start with basics and expand from there. Try to mix pieces that complment each other, and make your wardrobe look larger than it actually is.

The guy that posted photos of Hillary is pretty much spot on. She looks professional, but the colors make her more motherly looking than a world leader, imho.

Body language is important. 93% of what we communicate with others is non-verbal. 7% is words.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYWuVUH0J5Y

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODx5RXnQnas

Youtube is full of helpful videos.

Dress like what you want to be, not like what you are. Best wishes.

Last edited by ConeyGirl52; 04-05-2015 at 03:52 PM..
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Old 04-05-2015, 04:22 PM
mm4
 
5,712 posts, read 2,956,695 times
Reputation: 1941
There's an androgynous trend being pushed by the dark occult and globalist socialism to masculinize women and effeminize men. It has implications for the population reduction that they seek.

In a present day irony-saturated fashion industry many of these same styling cues are pushed. Big name designers are dressing and accessorizing women in what amounts to male golf-course and power lunch attire. Women are walking around looking like Arnold Palmer.

More recently I've noticed that some younger women may be borrowing from their mothers' stuff from the late 70s and 80s to bring back some of the femininity that's wholly missing from contemporary sales counters.
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Old 04-05-2015, 04:30 PM
 
Location: VA
203 posts, read 326,111 times
Reputation: 215
There is some good advice in this thread. I do have to say though that the people who are telling you to be who you are and stop trying to be someone else, do not understand your original post. I think a lot of people in their early 20's struggle with this self identification. This age is about defining yourself and figuring out what you like and what you don't like.

When I was your age, I went through some of the same things. I eventually started volunteering at places that appealed to me such as volunteering for a benefit ball and a local country club; volunteered for American Cancer Society; I gave my time to 'no kill shelters'. Through all of these and lots of other things, I developed a sense of where I am most comfortable, and what is difficult for me to deal with. Through that my sense of fashion matured. I went from thrift store funk, to Kate Spade and MaxMara. I don't go for trends but seek out interesting standards that fit my personality.

Good luck to you/
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