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Old 04-08-2015, 09:05 PM
 
2,062 posts, read 1,325,490 times
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Sometimes I see beautiful people (female specially) & then I will look at myself in the mirror in bathroom and feel so Bla. Especially when I see beautiful, fit & intelligent girls then I compare myself to her & wonder "who would bother looking at me when such beauties are around".

How do you manage thoughts like that? I know the saying "if we put all our problem in pile & saw others problem, we will pick ours back up'. I am sure beautiful smart females have their own problem too & I shouldn't compare myself to others. But at times I wonder, I am so average. I can't help but compare
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Old 04-08-2015, 09:32 PM
 
Location: Earth
4,549 posts, read 3,502,401 times
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It's normal to feel blah. Many do. Not everyone was 1st in line when good looks were handed out, and even with that, not everyone was just born with charisma and confidence. Some average women who aren't knock-outs are still very confident though, and they know how to joke around and talk to people. So that draws people to them. Friends and Lovers

So personality can factor in. I hear stories about very attractive women who hardly get noticed simply because they're shy or quiet. Sometimes, they have a case of bitchy resting face, where they look angry or mean, but aren't trying to. So some have an uninviting look, even if they're totally sweet.

So, don't feel too badly. If you look in the mirror and feel yuck, think about some things you can do or try with your look. I assume you're a female poster lol So, you can try different hairstyles to see what compliments your face. Try different colors and things with make-up. Then look at the clothes you wear. If you like them, rock them. If not, and if you have the spending money, go shopping and pick out some nice outfits.

If by chance, you're a male poster, same can work, sans the make-up lol Try some different hair styles, new clothes. I feel bad for men. They are a bit more limited when it comes to enhancing features. As women have make-up for that.

But I know how you feel. I feel the same way. With dating, the guys I like aren't interested, but the guys I care nothing for will be the ones to approach, notice, or flirt. I get called pretty and complimented alot, but again, it's never by men I am interested in. Just family, friends, guys I don't care about, and other women. So that does nothing for my self-esteem. So, I am very shy. Rarely do I speak to someone first. If they come to me, then good. And the thing I am most self-conscience about, I can't change with tons of risks, and things in that department are already bad.

But, I try the stuff I advised for you. Make-up, nice clothes, and hair. I ordered some wigs I am going to try and see if they work. I like long thick hair that frames my face, since I think my face is too fat, and my hair isn't thick nor long enough to frame well as I' would like. I also think my nose is too big. But not much to do about that right now lol With saving money, I may get a reduction later.
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Old 04-08-2015, 09:57 PM
 
2,062 posts, read 1,325,490 times
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Yea I am a female poster. Sometimes I get motivated & focus on improving myself as your post suggested. But other times I feel like I have to put so much work into myself just to look decent/noticeable + I have to be extra nice and extra accommodating because I wasn't born with the right height/weight/ structure.
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Old 04-08-2015, 10:27 PM
 
Location: Earth
4,549 posts, read 3,502,401 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by keraT View Post
Yea I am a female poster. Sometimes I get motivated & focus on improving myself as your post suggested. But other times I feel like I have to put so much work into myself just to look decent/noticeable + I have to be extra nice and extra accommodating because I wasn't born with the right height/weight/ structure.
It's fine though. True it's not fair that some are just hot and/or charming and others are not. But least you're putting in some effort, that's good. Unlike people who wanna whine, but don't do any kind of work. Even the beautiful people have to put in lots of work to stay that way. Constant dieting, self-discipline, exercising. Then after a while, looks fade. Now some may fade sooner than others, but after a while most people will start to look eh, unless they die before that happens.

I think, if I wear good make-up, I look decent. Exercise may be able to help you. It's supposed to release the same chemicals/endorphin as sex. So working out could do to improve confidence, when you can look at yourself and admire a toned nice body. I started doing that. I am not fat, but I am not slim and toned either. So I started with small exercising I can do at home. And try to avoid over doing it, because that's how you hurt yourself lol So you may been in shape. But the work-out in itself can start to help once you get into the groove of it.

So it's natural to backslide and feel the resentment, or discouragement. But the key is trying not to stay there for long, because then it turns into bitterness, and depression, which I had at 19 where all I did was cry and sleep, and barely ate-had to force myself to do that.

Then hobbies can be good. Something productive to focus your energy on when the bad moods come in. Like Art is something I like. If I feel a bit upset, I just work on some digital projects, sketching and coloring. Or listening to some upbeat music. I was born in the 90s, but I like music from the 70s and 80s. Karma Chameleon is a nice one imo.

So, it's all about trying to keep busy. Do thinks to augment your look, but also try to engage in hobbies and activities that make you feel happy, or accomplished. You may have to do some research and find some new things to try. But it's a shot.

Do you work, or go to school? If you're in school, be sure to get top grades. A great career is certainly good. Something you're good at that pays well, and you have your independence. A well-rounded adult.

Being down on your looks sucks. But sometimes, while focusing on improving them is good, improving other areas in your life can help. Things you have even more control over.

All this is stuff I am working on now. Sometimes I feel very nice. Other times, some sour moods come in. But I try to be more optimistic.
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Old 04-08-2015, 10:29 PM
 
Location: las vegas
186 posts, read 171,287 times
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Just like you think certain features are beautiful others might not agree. Everyone has a different taste when it comes to physical beauty. Just like what you think is beautiful others find distasteful. All you can do is be the best you can be and stay positive. That way when people like you they like you for who you really are.
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Old 04-08-2015, 10:35 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
13,487 posts, read 11,027,157 times
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Don't worry about it. Average is what most guys go for
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Old 04-08-2015, 10:44 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
3,510 posts, read 2,794,198 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
Don't worry about it. Average is what most guys go for


Pretty much. I'll go for average looks and outstanding personality over gorgeous and completely boring everytime. If she's more on the feistier side, even better. Not a fan of pushovers at all.
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Old 04-08-2015, 11:09 PM
 
Location: Approximately 50 miles from Missoula MT/38 yrs full time after 4 yrs part time
2,257 posts, read 3,169,580 times
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Default Opinions from an 83 yr old male...........................

My job for 40 years put me in a position of having contact with approx 20 to 25 women per week: i.e. secretaries, receptionists, certain departments heads and female upper-management. Over the years, I decided that the following (2) attributes were what "caught my eye" and attracted me to some women more than others.

...A very attractive pair of eyes that were "properly accentuated" with expertly chosen make up.

...A beautiful set of teeth that were part of a stunning smile that was radiant.

Obviously other attributes such as: hair style, attractive hands, a nice figure and an appealing voice were noticed and carried various degrees of importance.................but IMHO, the first two mentioned above were the most important.

But as the saying goes: "Your mileage may vary
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Old 04-08-2015, 11:20 PM
 
Location: Earth
4,549 posts, read 3,502,401 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Montana Griz View Post
My job for 40 years put me in a position of having contact with approx 20 to 25 women per week: i.e. secretaries, receptionists, certain departments heads and female upper-management. Over the years, I decided that the following (2) attributes were what "caught my eye" and attracted me to some women more than others.

...A very attractive pair of eyes that were "properly accentuated" with expertly chosen make up.

...A beautiful set of teeth that were part of a stunning smile that was radiant.

Obviously other attributes such as: hair style, attractive hands, a nice figure and an appealing voice were noticed and carried various degrees of importance.................but IMHO, the first two mentioned above were the most important.

But as the saying goes: "Your mileage may vary
Well I am already disadvantaged there. Since my eyes can't be straight at the same time. So my eyes would have to be tolerated, but I doubt anyone would "like" them. Teeth are fine though lol. So that's good. Horrible teeth can really mess a person up. Depending.
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Old 04-09-2015, 02:52 AM
 
3,460 posts, read 1,980,913 times
Reputation: 7859
Quote:
Originally Posted by keraT View Post
Yea I am a female poster. Sometimes I get motivated & focus on improving myself as your post suggested. But other times I feel like I have to put so much work into myself just to look decent/noticeable + I have to be extra nice and extra accommodating because I wasn't born with the right height/weight/ structure.
HI, I will try this without sounding demeaning, as it certainly isn't meant to be.
~As the one poster said, DO something about what you don't like or what makes you feel Blah.

~KEEP the "motivation" going! Don't just "sometimes" be motivated!

~They say it takes two months {used to be considered less} time to CHANGE habits. SO TAKE the time, and DO the changes you can/want.

~Sounds like you are overweight. If not, ignore this one. LOSE the excess weight. It IS HARD, I know {i am going through it now}. YOu have to change your mind/thoughts about food and find out WHY you eat to excess. Then CHANGE that thought pattern on eating and food. It may take those 2 months or more, but it CAN work {I know, I am doing it now}. Try cutting your eating to 1/2 what you are doing now.

~OTHER issues: it still takes 2 months to change behaviors and thought patterns that may be destructive or that you want to change.

~Look up "cognitive therapy" or "cognitive distortions" online and find out HOW to recognize self-defeating thoughts, HOW to ANALYZE those thoughts, HOW to CHANGE those thoughts and HOW to operate with a DIFFERENT thought pattern. OFr example; saying or thinking "I am stupid". THAT is the SELF-DEFEATING thought. ANALYZE it: are you REALLY stupid? did you finish HS? GED? Did you accomplish other "smart things"? CHANGE that thought to "I have accomplished X and X and X So I AM fairly intelligent". Then OPERATE under the changed thought -"I am smart at many things" and OPERATE as though you ARE smart. It may take those 2 months to operate under that NEW THOUGHT pattern! It HELPS if you WRITE DOWN your distorted thoughts, the analyzation, and the new improved thought pattern you wish to adopt.REview daily!

~excersize: even simply walking around the block can be a real "changer" both in terms of help to lose weight, to tone up muscles, and a change in outlook as you view the world around you! If you aren't ready for the treadmill yet, you can at least walk aroud the block. I do it, with a cane no less! Try something like Tai CHi, it's low impact, and is great for reducing stress,, improve mobility and felxibilty, etc!

~ confidence: work on your confidence! It may be hard if you have been "put down" or "guilted" about something/s. I used to have little self confidence unless I was at work. Then I married a highly confident person, and my confidence level changed. Thing IS, I ALWAYS had the ability to improve my confidence in me! It just took my spouse to bring it out better! Walk TALL AND straight upright! PULL those shoulders up and back to a good posture stance, and your head will automatically be held high! A simple change in stance can exude confidence!

~WOrk on self-improvement: learn a NEW WORD every day. Close your eyes, flip open the dictionary, and point to a word. LEARN IT. USe it. OR find an online "word of the day" mailing to sign up for.
~DO the same for a daily QUOTE. TRy to find online "Inspirational quotes" or "Motivational Quotes' sites and look up one a day! If you find one you like particularly, write it down, or print it off and post it by your bathroom mirror and repeat it every morning, noon and night when you are in there, and put a copy in your purse so you can review it if need be while out and about. In time you will have it memorized!

~MAKE A LIST OF THE things you really want to change. then check them off as you accomplish or improve greatly on that item.

~ I wish you great luck! TRY new things, and DON'T be disappointed if you don't suceed the first time, just try try again!
Then perhaps you will fall in love wiht the NEW IMPRIVED you! DON'T GIVE up, it TAKES time...give it that time!
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