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Old 05-09-2015, 07:26 PM
Qvx Qvx started this thread
 
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I have a distorted view of my physical appearance. I've been told I am ugly by my family members, some friends and strangers. However, I never had any problems getting attention from guys since I can remember. These guys are usually physically attractive, but then some of these guys will tell me later how ugly I am as well. I do get looks from people, mostly from men. I do not dress or act promiscuous. I don't make friends easily even though I am a nice person, and people are not nice to me right away like I have heard that beautiful people often experience. It takes time for people to realize that I'm actually a nice person and it's usually a word they describe about me after getting to know me.

So I do not know if when people look at me, they are looking at me because I look odd, ugly or if they find me attractive. I grew up believing I was ugly and pretty at the same time. If I think I look good, then somebody will usually prove me wrong. When I look in the mirror, I do think I look good, but the camera tells me a different story and so do some people tell me otherwise. I feel like I have two faces literally. My face is very asymmetrical. One side looks like beauty while the other side is the beast, which can look like a monster sometimes.
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Old 05-09-2015, 07:40 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
10,860 posts, read 18,875,631 times
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I think you're thinking way too much about this.

Some people don't have a conventionally attractive face but they have a very interesting look...maybe that's you.

If people aren't being nice to you when they first meet you, it might be more that you're giving off unfriendly vibes, worrying more about what someone thinks about your appearance than about actually meeting them and focusing on what they're saying, or maybe something simple like you just need to smile more.
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Old 05-09-2015, 07:45 PM
 
Location: Tampa
55 posts, read 31,406 times
Reputation: 39
Everyone has there own idea of what is attractive. So it is hard to say what your issue is. Some people look like a million bucks but put them in front of a camera and they never take a good picture. Some people that do not have a perfect look can take a good picture. I am not sure why that is but it happens.
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Old 05-09-2015, 08:24 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
13,471 posts, read 11,020,697 times
Reputation: 23955
I need a pic to better understand your situation?
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Old 05-09-2015, 09:48 PM
 
Location: Middle America
35,817 posts, read 39,334,463 times
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There is no "knowing if you are attractive or not," because nobody is empirically attractive.

"Attractive" is a subjective term, subject to the whim and opinion of the observer. Attractive to me is perhaps not attractive to you. We don't all find the same things attractive. One person finding you attractive is no guarantee that the next person does. Different people are attracted to different things.

Trying to quantify it and assign a label is pointless, and obsessing about whether or not your are attractive and whether or not others think you are attractive is a sign of disordered thinking.
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Old 05-09-2015, 10:44 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
72,636 posts, read 64,111,757 times
Reputation: 68376
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
I need a pic to better understand your situation?
He always says this, OP. Any excuse for a pic.


If you get positive attention from guys, and they initiate conversations with you, you're attractive. It's possible to be attractive, but not photogenic. The camera tends to exaggerate asymmetry, or rather, the brain filters some of that out, when we look at others. So when we see a photo of the person, it can seem like the photo doesn't look like them.
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Old 05-09-2015, 11:27 PM
 
Location: Europe
2,731 posts, read 1,955,489 times
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Some guys say "you are ugly" if you are not willing to give sex for them or please them (as they would be master of the worlds). So don't mind them. People who call others ugly are inside ugly. I am saying it does not mean you would be ugly in that matter, it could be just one insult among others. Have you seen what a bully culture this is? Don't take it into your heart, some people grew up to be mean. That does not mean they would be right.

Some people who don't get their way say "you are ugly".
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Old 05-10-2015, 03:55 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
13,471 posts, read 11,020,697 times
Reputation: 23955
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
He always says this, OP. Any excuse for a pic.
Don't let Ruth sway you from posting a pic, OP. Lol
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Old 05-10-2015, 05:08 AM
 
Location: A State of Mind
4,434 posts, read 1,728,426 times
Reputation: 4399
When younger, I got a lot of attention.. dates. I wasn't trying, either, so I figured based upon how others responded, there must have been something there, but didn't always have confidence. I would get compliments, but not always believe it or trust men. I would see photos of myself and admittedly would sometimes feel they were "not bad". Other times would think "ugh".

I was also hired easily, and must have also been qualified, but I think feeling attractive adds to projecting confidence. Once in a workplace, after having had shots taken at a holiday party, I was later told by some male executives who were looking at the photos, that I was "of the most attractive" employees. I felt embarrassed.. not that it wasn't nice.

Let me tell you, when you are used to having attention and there begins a stopping point, it's as if you are spoiled and it feels odd. It is difficult to go through changes, being in such a "looks-oriented" society. I was always taken for younger, too, which I may still be, but who knows. I still get some nice photos, but not without some makeup, unlike when younger and could get away with it, no matter what. Being a female, once you are older, it's all over. Having the way others respond being connected to confidence, can be a problem. I still possess an outwardly extroverted manner in public, but wonder sometimes how I may be seen, since in my head, I will feel I am still the same person I always was.

Last edited by In2itive_1; 05-10-2015 at 05:17 AM..
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Old 05-10-2015, 05:41 AM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,457 posts, read 16,404,322 times
Reputation: 13154
I"m wondering WTF your family and some "friends" told you? Because I'm having a hard time imagining why a family would tell you you're unattractive unless we're talking about a sibling when you were younger--if I could count the number of times I and my sibs called each other ugly. . . However if it was worse than that then I'd say you have a pretty dysfunctional family and that may be your bigger problem--much bigger than whether you're attractive. Because really, if you're attractive enough to get dates and make friends then that's all you need really. That and a new family!
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