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Old 09-01-2015, 07:58 AM
 
1 posts, read 1,035 times
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I have a distorted view of myself. I grew up pretty much unloved with harsh words from close family and friends, especially regarding my looks.

Sometimes I can feel beautiful, but other times, I'm reminded of how just ugly I am hearing all the negative words I heard from the past. Those words won't leave me.

I do try to good on an everyday basis by dressing well, makeup and hair. I do get looks from men and women, but sometimes I'll think they look at me for negative reasons.

The last time I felt absolutely beautiful was when I was in love with a man who treated me like I was. Once that relationship ended, I lost my self esteem again. It only seems to go up when it's validated by a man that I'm interested in and he shows interest as well. I don't want to rely on a man or anyone else, but me. The problem is how to do that?
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Old 09-01-2015, 08:09 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,699 posts, read 19,848,989 times
Reputation: 42985
Go get your pictures taken by a hobby photographer.

Not sure how easy it is for you to find one, but there are tons out there who like to take pictures and you don't have to pay for them.

Usually after a breakup when I feel very low, I dress up, make my hair pretty (or get a make over at the mall) and have somebody take my pictures (could even be a talented friend).

Different outfits, angles, backgrounds, half nude, bikini, different hair, outdoors, indoors, ... sexy, casual, sporty ...

I don't know if you are really unattractive or just in your mind, but EVERYBODY can look beautiful if photographed well.

Try it.
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Old 09-01-2015, 09:42 AM
 
Location: Philaburbia
41,788 posts, read 74,815,854 times
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Wait until you turn 40. You will no longer give a crap what anyone thinks of you.
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Old 09-01-2015, 11:20 AM
 
772 posts, read 909,301 times
Reputation: 1500
Can you post a picture, that way we can tell you if your insecurity's are true, or it's all made up in your head.

That really is the only way to end this once and for all.
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Old 09-01-2015, 11:37 AM
 
Location: Happy wherever I am - Florida now
3,360 posts, read 12,237,406 times
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First, recognize that a lot of women's magazines especially those catering to the younger crowd are terrible in that they introduce doubt to girls about their looks, their validity, etc as a way to sell products.

Making the most of what you have to work with will make you feel like you are being proactive; a good haircut, clothes, etal.
There is a lot more to beauty than looks. It has a lot to do with character, how you speak and carry yourself, how kind you are, whether you are open or not, and how much you smile.

Work on what you have to offer besides your looks as they will certainly fade at some point. Do things that help you gain confidence, interesting things. An interesting, friendly person is a lot more appealing than a vacuous pretty face.
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Old 09-01-2015, 11:37 AM
 
625 posts, read 899,863 times
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I think you issues run deeper than looks. You need to accept yourself. No expert here, but you may benefit from a talk with a therapist to get to the root. All the best.
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Old 09-01-2015, 01:39 PM
 
11,558 posts, read 12,008,925 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mistym View Post
I think you issues run deeper than looks. You need to accept yourself. No expert here, but you may benefit from a talk with a therapist to get to the root. All the best.
Agreed. A therapist can teach you how to affirm yourself and not require it from others

It's always devastating when people have been emotionally abused as a child and carry those scars into adulthood. It is the jerks that abused you who are the losers. . . not you, you did nothing except try to find a place in this old world for yourself.
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Old 09-01-2015, 02:12 PM
 
3,423 posts, read 4,343,326 times
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It sounds very cliche, but focus on yourself for awhile. Get to know yourself. You need to let go of the craving for validation from other people. Sometimes, other will give you validation. Sometimes, they won't. And that has to do with their own issues, way more than it does with you. You haven't got much control over how others perceive you. Mind you, that isn't always a negative thing, and other people will think highly of you more often than you're ready to admit. You just can't control it, and time will teach you that lesson. Your sense of inner worth will eventually come from your accomplishments and your values. Not from what other people attach to your looks.
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Old 09-01-2015, 03:17 PM
 
Location: Earth
4,575 posts, read 5,169,155 times
Reputation: 7010
You definitely aren't the only one to feel that way. So know, it doesn't make you a bad person. So don't get too down because you feel this way. I struggle with the same thing.
Spoiler
I have been called ugly before, but it wasn't a constant or weekly thing. But by the same token, I have been called pretty. But usually the latter comes from other females, friends and family. So it does nothing for my self-esteem. Only way I would feel really good is if the attention came from a guy I was attracted to. and he asked me out, or wanted to get together. If the latter didn't follow, I just assume he's being nice or just a typical flirt. This is in the past years. When I was in school, I liked any positive attention and words from anybody. That changed though. Now, has to come from a guy I like, and followed by a date invitation to mean anything. Because if a guy is forward enough to flirt and tell you how good-looking you are, he wouldn't be shy to asking you out, because he wouldn't want to pass up a hot woman.


You could try toying with your look. Try different kinds of make-up to do-up your face. Experiment with different hairstyles you think my had to your look. Then clothes. Now and again, shop for new clothes that you love. Some people go further, and have surgery. Like some girls who hated their big noses. They got them fixed and feel much better. Girls who have done different things to their breasts, butt. etc But thing is, it cost money and takes a good bit of saving. But it is an option if one is very serious about changing their look and doing anything they feel would improve it. But with that, it takes saving the money for a damn good doctor so that you do look good, and not like a monster afterward. Like whomever the doctor is who did work on this lady.
http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/silve...35140_1000.jpg
He did a damn good job. She looks pretty and not freakish.

Now, as much as I hate to throw this idea out. You can try therapy. If you can say you tried everything on your own, and it hasn't worked. A professional who deals with people having issues that they can't resolve. You tell them about your past, things that contribute to your feelings, how long you had said feelings, and they would be better able to help you because they have studied and trained to handle these things. If you need outside help with things like mental issues, it's best to get it from professionals, because they could see you face-t-face and tell you more than anyone online could.

Last edited by HappyRain; 09-01-2015 at 03:29 PM..
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Old 09-02-2015, 06:38 PM
 
Location: Fredericksburg, Va
5,404 posts, read 15,948,516 times
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You need therapy...you already said you have a "distorted" view of yourself.....you need help to get over that!


I can attest that most of us see our flaws more than anyone else sees them....knowing that doesn't always make a difference in your mind...


Go and talk to a professional therapist...you may find you are more beautiful than you know!
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