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“Look I know you’re a bit sensitive about this subject, but why did you deface your body with that grotesque looking thing. I can't believe my daughter picked such a loser!"
“Look I know you’re a bit sensitive about this subject, but why did you deface your body with that grotesque looking thing. I can't believe my daughter picked such a loser!"
This one belongs in your "how to permanently alienate relatives you might need to deal with for a very long time" file folder!
Sounds reasonable,but as I said, he is sensitive to criticism and makes unkind comments about other people contradicting him. I'll think about how to word my question. Thank you!
Don't ask him anything. If he is so immature, on the defensive and paranoid and has such delicate sensitivities about thinking he's being persecuted by other people then you should know better than to ask him any questions about anything and don't expect him to explain himself.
You can assume that he's like a little kid who just likes lightning bolts and that it has some personal significance to him, but leave it at that. Maybe just smile and nod at him and say "oh, that's nice" if he shows you his tattoos but don't speak to him at all about anything unless he initiates a civil and pleasant conversation with you first.
I have no patience with such uncivil delicate insecure flowers like him, they make you feel like you're always walking on eggshells around them. It's like he's a grenade just begging for somebody else to pull his pin. I sure hope he doesn't treat your daughter disrespectfully like that and that he and your daughter are not living with you in your home.
“Look I know you’re a bit sensitive about this subject, but why did you deface your body with that grotesque looking thing. I can't believe my daughter picked such a loser!"
Don't ask him anything. If he is so immature, on the defensive and paranoid and has such delicate sensitivities about thinking he's being persecuted by other people then you should know better than to ask him any questions about anything and don't expect him to explain himself.
You can assume that he's like a little kid who just likes lightning bolts and that it has some personal significance to him, but leave it at that. Maybe just smile and nod at him and say "oh, that's nice" if he shows you his tattoos but don't speak to him at all about anything unless he initiates a civil and pleasant conversation with you first.
I have no patience with such uncivil delicate insecure flowers like him, they make you feel like you're always walking on eggshells around them. It's like he's a grenade just begging for somebody else to pull his pin. I sure hope he doesn't treat your daughter disrespectfully like that and that he and your daughter are not living with you in your home.
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This post jumps to a lot of conclusions. We have zero proof that this person is 'insecure' or 'paranoid' or 'delicate', as we only have one side of the story. The way the OP describes it sounds like the way my mom talks about my brother in law. But, if you ask me from a 3rd party perspective, my mom fostered that relationship by actually BEING oddly critical and borderline passive aggressive in the way she talked to him early on. So, of course he is 'sensitive' to criticism. In the case of my BIL, he's a successful grown adult and doesn't need or want a 2nd mom questioning everything he does. Without having seen both sides of the story, it's best to stick to the specific topic at hand.
I am not saying that this is the case for the OP - could be someone else in the SIL's life. But I am saying to at least keep an open mind before we assume the OP's SIL is an 'insecure flower'. More often than not, that defensiveness is bred from someone (maybe not the OP) actually being critical/overly critical, which develops said reaction.
OP I would recommend simply asking the SIL straight-up without gathering some unintentional meaning online that very likely has zero correlation to why the OP got the tattoo to begin with. I have several tattoos and most of mine don't have any real meaning. Only the SIL knows. If you ask the question truly from a point of curiosity and avoiding any passive aggressive or sarcastic tone (note: I am not implying that you are, just a reminder), you might be surprised that the SIL is OK explaining. I don't recommend asking stranger's this, but a family member is different.
I would refer back to hertfordshire's recommendation. Something very simple, straightforward, and non-judgmental.
Last edited by Sunbather; 03-13-2023 at 06:49 PM..
Why don't you just ask your daughter? I would assume that he's had that conversation with her.
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