[rbeltz48]

My wife and I have been married more than 37 years. During that time we have moved many times and lived in several states because of work or church-related activities. My wife has had the opportunity to live close to her family for almost 30 of those 37 years, including at the present time. I left home in 1966 to attend college and never again was able to connect much with any of my family for one reason or another. Both sets of our parents are deceased. I am estranged from my two brothers and my wife has virtually no contact with either her brother or sister, all of whom live in other states.

I recently reconnected with my 57 year old sister, who is my only sister and disabled due to a failed back operation several years ago. I never really got to know her after she left home at a very young age. We recently spent a week with her near Daytona Beach, FL and really enjoyed our time together after not seeing her in about 20 years.

Our present living situation near the Great Lakes amounts to 7-8 months of cold, snowy and cloudy weather and "maybe" 4-5 months of warmer weather. The last growing season was cool and wet and wasn't much of a summer at all. I have a number of health problems which would greatly benefit from a warmer and more humid climate, in addition to being able to be near my only sister who I have really not known in the past 40 years. We lived in the South previously for about 8 years during which we had plenty of hot and humid weather.

My wife is very reluctant to move again and seems to be adamant about being around grandchildren. We also have a grandson in another state who we see maybe once every 2 years. I do love my wife and care for my grand kids but really hate cold and cloudy winters in the North. I would really like to permanently retire to a better climate which would benefit my health problems, including seasonal SAD, and my overall mentality and well-being.

We have a mortgage and would need to sell before moving, hopefully before the winter of 2015. We have been researching this issue through "lively" discussions, pro and con, as well as seeking wise counsel about it. I would appreciate any advice, especially from people who have been through similar situations with a reluctant spouse. Thank you.

[jambo101]

Looks like a no win situation, as you want to move to Florida and she doesnt If you make the move she's going to be unhappy,if you dont make the move you'll be unhappy.
How about a compromise and buy/rent a mobile home in the Daytona area and spend 3-4 months every winter living in it, perhaps you could go down a month early and leave a month late giving you a 4-6 month stay.

[jghorton]

When we moved to Florida about 42-years ago, my wife wasn't too favorably disposed, but, we had both grown-up in cold weather and I had negotiated a job situation here. We subsequently made two additional Central Florida moves from East to the West Coast. The last one was 27-years ago and my wife informed me that it was our last move!

It wasn't. 12-years ago, she decided that she wanted to live in a Condo on the Ocean ... so, we moved to one. Then, 3+ years ago (now retired), she wanted to move closer to some of the grandkids ... so, we moved to the Panhandle (about which I was not too favorably disposed). Neither of us are likely to ever move out of Florida, since anything further North is is simply too close to the Arctic Circle!

... 9-10 months of warm, sunny weather; beautiful beaches. palm trees, flora everywhere; flexibility to participate in outdoor activities when we want, not when the weather allows; near to kids/grandkids, etc. -- Getting here is the only real issue --- the rest takes care of itself.

[gypsychic]

Originally Posted by jambo101

Looks like a no win situation, as you want to move to Florida and she doesnt If you make the move she's going to be unhappy,if you dont make the move you'll be unhappy.
How about a compromise and buy/rent a mobile home in the Daytona area and spend 3-4 months every winter living in it, perhaps you could go down a month early and leave a month late giving you a 4-6 month stay.

Or try some variation of this ^^^. At the very least, warm her to the idea with making several vacations down here. Maybe even a trial basis like have an extended stay?

We see it all the time on these forums; one spouse drags the other kicking and screaming and they end up complaining to high heaven on these forums. Hopefully she will like it better than she thinks, good luck.

[Coconut1]

I agree- become snowbirds.

If you can sell what you have now, and buy something much cheaper, then buy a small condo in FL, you can both be happy.

I might suggest looking at the Orlando area. You can get a condo there very cheap, and it's not too far from Daytona. After not connecting for so many years, I would be concerned it was a great experience with your sister simply because you hadn't seen each other in so long. If you go from decades without seeing each other to living next door, that might be a bit much.

[Restrain]

We were talking with a couple that just bought down here in an Over-55 manufactured home development. They had a RV, wintered down here for several years in the RV, then sold,the RV and bought down here in the development they had been wintering in.

You can find a wide selection of RVs for sale down here. There are numerous RV forums that can help you if you decide to go in that direction.

[trobesmom]

Moving is very stressful and difficult under the best of circumstances, especially as we get older. My husband and I thinking of relocating only a couple of hours away (no children, grandchildren, family), and are having a hard time pulling the trigger. I wish you the best.

[engineman]

We live in Florida and kids (now in their 50s) and grandkids (in their mid 20s) are always happy to come for a visit and to escape the miserable up north weather. It helps that Tampa airport is not too far away and has flights to most everywhere.

[bmw335xi]

Well the issue seems to be not that your wife loves where you live now, she just wants to be a part of her grandchildren's lives, correct?


If so, you can just say, if we move to Florida, we can visit x times per year or pay for their tickets to visit us x times per year.

[expatCA]

Originally Posted by rbeltz48

My wife and I have been married more than 37 years. During that time we have moved many times and lived in several states because of work or church-related activities. My wife has had the opportunity to live close to her family for almost 30 of those 37 years, including at the present time. I left home in 1966 to attend college and never again was able to connect much with any of my family for one reason or another. Both sets of our parents are deceased. I am estranged from my two brothers and my wife has virtually no contact with either her brother or sister, all of whom live in other states.

I recently reconnected with my 57 year old sister, who is my only sister and disabled due to a failed back operation several years ago. I never really got to know her after she left home at a very young age. We recently spent a week with her near Daytona Beach, FL and really enjoyed our time together after not seeing her in about 20 years.

Our present living situation near the Great Lakes amounts to 7-8 months of cold, snowy and cloudy weather and "maybe" 4-5 months of warmer weather. The last growing season was cool and wet and wasn't much of a summer at all. I have a number of health problems which would greatly benefit from a warmer and more humid climate, in addition to being able to be near my only sister who I have really not known in the past 40 years. We lived in the South previously for about 8 years during which we had plenty of hot and humid weather.

My wife is very reluctant to move again and seems to be adamant about being around grandchildren. We also have a grandson in another state who we see maybe once every 2 years. I do love my wife and care for my grand kids but really hate cold and cloudy winters in the North. I would really like to permanently retire to a better climate which would benefit my health problems, including seasonal SAD, and my overall mentality and well-being.

We have a mortgage and would need to sell before moving, hopefully before the winter of 2015. We have been researching this issue through "lively" discussions, pro and con, as well as seeking wise counsel about it. I would appreciate any advice, especially from people who have been through similar situations with a reluctant spouse. Thank you.

The above could help. Your sister you you barely know is disabled. She may need your help and helping family in need is important when you can. The grand kids seem to be OK and an occasional visit there and they come down, fixes that. As some have suggested, rent or stay for a while in an RV to get a feel for it, especially in Winter when seeing family is not as likely for you and your wife where you live.


Moving is not just about what either wants, but what may help others in the family the most. My wife did not want to move here but did because of my needs and is happy making new friends, though she hates hot and humid. Your sister may be something she sees as a need, not just warmer weather. Visit and see.


Just saw how old this thread is. Oh well........................................