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Old 10-30-2015, 01:42 PM
 
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I think the first suggestion, actually more like a requirement, is the same one given to everyone who asks about moving to Florida, or Vermont, or anywhere else in the US and that is to establish an income stream first. That means getting employment for you or your husband or both that will supply the means to not only cover current payments but the chances that there may be income breaks in the future. Only after you're assured of having employment in a given area should you narrow the search to a place to live.
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Old 10-30-2015, 07:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by kokonutty View Post
I think the first suggestion, actually more like a requirement, is the same one given to everyone who asks about moving to Florida, or Vermont, or anywhere else in the US and that is to establish an income stream first. That means getting employment for you or your husband or both that will supply the means to not only cover current payments but the chances that there may be income breaks in the future. Only after you're assured of having employment in a given area should you narrow the search to a place to live.
Of course. Yes we got that covered. I will be transferring with my job to US. They have branches in both Florida or Vermont so it depends on where i want to live. I understand people are afraid due to the problems w immigration in US but thankfully I am in a good financial situation, good career that i can be ok anywhere i wud live in the world. It only happens to be US because my husband wants to be close to his family, at least in same country with his family. I wouldn't jeopardize my lifestyle, my kids lifestyle, and our well-being just for the sake of saying that i live in US. Thank you for the comments, yes i do agree with what u wrote.
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Old 10-31-2015, 02:13 PM
 
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Originally Posted by anashepherd View Post
I must say i have big concerns in regards to drugs in US. Not being from USA and having lived in more countries, i can say is more common in USA than anywhere else i have lived in. However my husband wants to be close to his family so we have live in US, but yes i am worried. Very worried. I do believe that the more things we will do with the kids, tracking, travelling, opening them to other cultures as well, being involved with them and their activities after school, could keep them away from a mentality and lifestyle of drugs and thinking they are fun. I am 34 yrs old and i have never been around drugs, not even marijuana, never seen a real gun, never knew someone who went to prison, or had or known of any neighbors of friends that had been burglarized, robbed etc. So quite different backgrounds and cultures. Such a big decision that can have such a huge impact later on....

Whether you live in Florida, or Vermont, or somewhere else in the US, I would say that what works best for kids is to have parents who are emotionally available to them, and supportive. When they feel like they can open up and discuss anything with their parents, and be heard and understood, it makes all the difference in the world. Parents need to be firm and consistent, and have rules and expectations, but that needs to go hand in hand with the kid not feeling afraid of or alienated from the parents. Drugs fill a void of loneliness, boredom, and emotional pain that kids are looking to escape from. They also show up where kids are hanging around friends who are users and introduce them to it at parties, etc. I never did any drugs in my life, nor drank either, even though I was around it and saw it from the time I was young. But for me, the reason I didn't is because I was exposed to it from very young and to exactly how horrible it makes a person's life. The way you can keep kids clean and safe is to raise them in knowledge, not overly sheltered, letting them see first-hand how much these things can destroy a person's life. Then trust them to make their own decisions, not just forcing them without listening - when parents act like they are God, teenagers get angry and try to rebel. I have taught thousands of high school, and then university students. And the patterns I see are the same, the ones who get into drugs vs. the ones who choose a different life. They have to know what is at stake, what kind of life drugs lead to, vs. what kind of amazing opportunities they can have if they keep their lives together.

Growing up around a lot of long-time alcoholics, and drug users, I saw the differences very plainly. Those who had been drinking themselves into a stupor for years, or getting high, looked 20-30 years older than they were, missed out on education or lost job opportunities, lost all their money and their marriages or friends or ruined connections with family. They went broke for their addictions, did terrible things they regretted to support their addictions, and became total jerks that nobody wanted to be around. Some even went to jail because of the addiction. Many of them ended up having children from unstable, unmarried relationships, before they had a chance to really plan their lives out, because they were so busy being drunk or high that they were not thinking - and that also limited their possibilities. Many of them when they did get married, picked terrible spouses, because they chose someone who they could drink/use with, and of course that also limited the possibilities in their lives.

It actually helped me, coming from a family of addictive people, because I grew up in the 90s where the knowledge that such things run in the family in a medical sense was public knowledge. I knew I didn't want to be like that, so couldn't afford to do things even one time, because I was more likely to get hooked than someone who did not have that family history. I wanted to focus on my career, get a lot of education, be successful, and have many opportunities without doors being closed in my face because I was an alcoholic or a drug addict. Never doing any of those things made it possible for me to get a Ph.D. and become a professor, and have a successful career that let me be a consultant eventually, and now work on my own time from home. I am only in my early 30s and have been able to be way more successful than a lot of people I grew up with because I did not get involved in that scene, even though I did do things, like work as a teenager in radio and TV, that involved hanging around a lot of drugs and alcohol - I just refused whenever it was offered. Kids need to know that there is a difference, between how your life works out when you start those things, and how it works out when you choose other activities that are better for your health.

One would not think all this relates to C-D, but when you are considering moving to FL or potentially another state and basing much of that decision on whether or not your kids will get involved in drugs or excessive alcohol (we have many kids who die of alcohol poisoning in their first year of college here in the US), I think it is helpful to consider what works in keeping kids out of this lifestyle. They need to have a sense of self, be confident enough to make their own choices even when they are different from others, and be so busy in other things that they love to do that they know getting high or addicted to something will take all of their dreams, and the fun opportunities that they have, away from them. Helping a kid find their talent(s), and helping them believe in their own ability to be happy and make something of that talent without drugs and alcohol, is key to them making the right choices. One can live a straight life in the US, and I don't think it's a reason not to move here. But you want to raise your kids in an environment where they feel that they have value, and know that making such choices will cause them to lose the life that they wanted to live.

Having lived both in multiple places in the Northeast, and in Florida, I personally think that states like Vermont offer more opportunities for kids to get involved in things and develop, without the party scene. I feel like much of Florida life is culturally tied to partying, even moreso than in states like VT. But both locations will have opportunities for your kids to seek out drugs if they want to find them. They will need to be strong enough, and informed enough, to make their own choices, separate from whatever their friends may decide.
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