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I'm sorry to say this but there is probably a lot more to the story than you are being told. Florida is a huge haven for prescription drug abuse and 8 people living in a trailer but yet not affording electricity is a red flag. How could 8 people who are clean and sober not afford electricity? Lifestyles like this simply attract drama and that seems to be what happened.
She went through a real estate office to rent a place. The "agent" was the owner of said mobile home. Told her that she was renting out the rooms-a two bedroom. She could have the larger of the two. She went to look at the place, no one was yet living in the other. So she signed the lease. Two day's later, the agents best friend moves in with her 8 year old son. They were to be responsible for only the utilities. My daughter tried to immediately get out of the lease. The agent told her she'd take her to court. She was not up front about renting the other room to a person with a child. This past week, that said person also allowed her mother and other people to move in and share the living space. It's the last straw. That's how so many people got into this home. Not because of my child doing drugs. She's been clean for a year and working hard on daily meeting to stay clean.
We are a middle class background, we aren't welfare people and bust our rear ends to have what we own-I paid my house off in 11 years after we built it ourselves. So I don't do hand outs.
I am no enabling her. I am trying to see what is the legal ramifications in YOUR state. NY this would have been dismissed or given community service IF it was proven to been my daughter's fault. She moved to FL since her only Grandmother was 45mins from this area. Not to get high, or do drugs. To find a school and do better. She was about to do all that when this went on. She's devastated that she faces 10 years in your prison for this. And we did give her a HUGE dose of tough love didn't we by having her arrested and then spending a year in jail for a first time offense. She needed rehab, not jail. But someone whose never dealt with a addiction first hand doesn't understand that. In our part of NY, it's heroin ground zero. We have the highest use going as all the jobs for young people are gone-taken over by immigrants/legal and not legal. My own husband has been job hunting here since June and not even a reply. We leave NY behind next fall once and for all to move down where my relatives are in NC/VA-all natives not transplants.
I just want to know about how the legal system there works. I don't need people behind keyboards being judgmental. I get enough of that and by the way, it was my sister in law that introduced her to pills at 13. I just want to leave them all. She really was doing well. She is now homeless living in her car. Her Grandmother isn't in town and she can't leave FL and they turned her down for renting elsewhere due to the pending charge. That's all I want is to know how to help her so something doesn't happen that's going to make your newspapers.
well that certainly can't be good. wire her enough money to rent a hotel room for at least a week or two. hire her a GOOD lawyer, certainly don't let her go to court with a public defender. if you're really concerned, you'd better fly down here and take charge of the situation.
I just want to know about how the legal system there works. I don't need people behind keyboards being judgmental. I get enough of that and by the way, it was my sister in law that introduced her to pills at 13. I just want to leave them all. She really was doing well. She is now homeless living in her car. Her Grandmother isn't in town and she can't leave FL and they turned her down for renting elsewhere due to the pending charge. That's all I want is to know how to help her so something doesn't happen that's going to make your newspapers.
Want a legal opinion? Consult a lawyer.
Want to help her? Get your butt down there and stop being behind a keyboard. All I hear are excuses about why your daughter is a junkie and how your husband can't get a job.
You ARE enabling whether or not you realize it. Good luck.
Want to help her? Get your butt down there and stop being behind a keyboard. All I hear are excuses about why your daughter is a junkie and how your husband can't get a job.
You ARE enabling whether or not you realize it. Good luck.
My daughter is NO LONGER a junkie-she's in recovery for a year. Can't read can you? Course people like you obviously label people based on their past. That's sad, I'll pray for you. No he can't get a job-if you are over 50-it's not easy. This part of NY died when IBM let go 11,000 people and Texaco closed shop. Manufacturing is gone here. Nothing is being built, no houses, nothing. It's a bedroom community for NYC.
I can't get down there, one lack of money and no time off at my job with a school district. And no, I work all through the holiday break, I don't get a day off.
We did hire a lawyer. Part of why I can't fly there now it took what I had left in savings. She's on her own with what happens there. I can't change it. But I was just asking what happens in the legal system there. NYS is the most screwed up state and I know that, but know nothing about FL.
I guess I never should have asked for help in this. Too many judgemental people who have never been in my shoes. Like any parent, I'd do anything to make it ok for my child, not matter what age. But that being said, she's an adult. I've already told her, that if convicted, don't ever contact me again. That harsh enough for you?
She went through a real estate office to rent a place. The "agent" was the owner of said mobile home. Told her that she was renting out the rooms-a two bedroom. She could have the larger of the two. She went to look at the place, no one was yet living in the other. So she signed the lease. Two day's later, the agents best friend moves in with her 8 year old son. They were to be responsible for only the utilities. My daughter tried to immediately get out of the lease. The agent told her she'd take her to court. She was not up front about renting the other room to a person with a child. This past week, that said person also allowed her mother and other people to move in and share the living space. It's the last straw. That's how so many people got into this home. Not because of my child doing drugs. She's been clean for a year and working hard on daily meeting to stay clean.
We are a middle class background, we aren't welfare people and bust our rear ends to have what we own-I paid my house off in 11 years after we built it ourselves. So I don't do hand outs.
I am no enabling her. I am trying to see what is the legal ramifications in YOUR state. NY this would have been dismissed or given community service IF it was proven to been my daughter's fault. She moved to FL since her only Grandmother was 45mins from this area. Not to get high, or do drugs. To find a school and do better. She was about to do all that when this went on. She's devastated that she faces 10 years in your prison for this. And we did give her a HUGE dose of tough love didn't we by having her arrested and then spending a year in jail for a first time offense. She needed rehab, not jail. But someone whose never dealt with a addiction first hand doesn't understand that. In our part of NY, it's heroin ground zero. We have the highest use going as all the jobs for young people are gone-taken over by immigrants/legal and not legal. My own husband has been job hunting here since June and not even a reply. We leave NY behind next fall once and for all to move down where my relatives are in NC/VA-all natives not transplants.
I just want to know about how the legal system there works. I don't need people behind keyboards being judgmental. I get enough of that and by the way, it was my sister in law that introduced her to pills at 13. I just want to leave them all. She really was doing well. She is now homeless living in her car. Her Grandmother isn't in town and she can't leave FL and they turned her down for renting elsewhere due to the pending charge. That's all I want is to know how to help her so something doesn't happen that's going to make your newspapers.
I'm sorry for your troubles but an addict/alcoholic will always be one, even when they're clean 10 years.
I understand you view your adult child as your child, but why than did you not say "FL isn't a good idea"(it is known as the pill mill state). It's like sending someone with a gambling addiction to Las Vegas.
In fact FL just made the national news for some new drug "Flecka" I think it is called. It's cheap to buy, causes very hot body temperatures, paranoia, violent behavior. It's coming out of Ft. Lauderdale.
Why didn't she go live with grandma, who is 45 minutes away from where she is in FL in the first place? Why with strangers?
At least if she had moved in with grandma, grandma could have kept an eye on her.
You don't want to hear it, but the poster who said something is wrong when you have 8 people living in a house with no electricity was spot on. Nobody lives like that other than hard core junkies.
You said grandma is out of town, so why she can't stay there? Most grandmothers would let their grandchild stay in their home, might even want a house sitter. Only reason they wouldn't is if the adult grandchild isn't trustworthy. Grandma doesn't want to come home and find 4 strangers living in her home who are "zonked out" or find the TV, car, jewelry all gone as well as the grandchild.
Why didn't you send the daughter down to NC/VA where you have family and plan on moving yourself?
Sorry FL was a bad choice given her background. With the exception being if she was staying with grandma or another family member who could keep an eye on her.
Last edited by seain dublin; 12-19-2015 at 10:33 PM..
My daughter is NO LONGER a junkie-she's in recovery for a year. Can't read can you? Course people like you obviously label people based on their past. That's sad, I'll pray for you. No he can't get a job-if you are over 50-it's not easy. This part of NY died when IBM let go 11,000 people and Texaco closed shop. Manufacturing is gone here. Nothing is being built, no houses, nothing. It's a bedroom community for NYC.
I can't get down there, one lack of money and no time off at my job with a school district. And no, I work all through the holiday break, I don't get a day off.
We did hire a lawyer. Part of why I can't fly there now it took what I had left in savings. She's on her own with what happens there. I can't change it. But I was just asking what happens in the legal system there. NYS is the most screwed up state and I know that, but know nothing about FL.
I guess I never should have asked for help in this. Too many judgemental people who have never been in my shoes. Like any parent, I'd do anything to make it ok for my child, not matter what age. But that being said, she's an adult. I've already told her, that if convicted, don't ever contact me again. That harsh enough for you?
Your husband isn't working, he can go down there. Whose mother is grandma? Not that it should matter, take a Greyhound if need be and stay at grandma's house. That doesn't cost much, even airfare isn't that bad. He won't need a rental car and has a place to stay.
Why would you cut your adult child off if they're convicted, maybe you're just upset and not thinking clearly.
She screwed up, you're contradicting yourself, again maybe you're upset and have a right to be, but don't beat people up who ask questions trying to understand the whole situation and offer advice.
Your husband isn't working now, he isn't going to get work this time of year, get on a bus, or a plane, even look at car rental companies who sometimes will pay someone to drive a car down there. Ask a relative or friend for help if need be.
I'm sorry for your troubles but an addict/alcoholic will always be one, even when they're clean 10 years.
I understand you view your adult child as your child, but why than did you not say "FL isn't a good idea"(it is known as the pill mill state). It's like sending someone with a gambling addiction to Las Vegas.
In fact FL just made the national news for some new drug "Flecka" I think it is called. It's cheap to buy, causes very hot body temperatures, paranoia, violent behavior. It's coming out of Ft. Lauderdale.
Why didn't she go live with grandma, who is 45 minutes away from where she is in FL in the first place? Why with strangers?
At least if she had moved in with grandma, grandma could have kept an eye on her.
You don't want to hear it, but the poster who said something is wrong when you have 8 people living in a house with no electricity was spot on. Nobody lives like that other than hard core junkies.
You said grandma is out of town, so why she can't stay there? Most grandmothers would let their grandchild stay in their home, might even want a house sitter. Only reason they wouldn't is if the adult grandchild isn't trustworthy. Grandma doesn't want to come home and find 4 strangers living in her home who are "zonked out" or find the TV, car, jewelry all gone as well as the grandchild.
Why didn't you send the daughter down to NC/VA where you have family and plan on moving yourself?
Sorry FL was a bad choice given her background. With the exception being if she was staying with grandma or another family member who could keep an eye on her.
She's clean and sober. Period. She's not doing drugs, she's not drinking, nothing. Her Grandmother is Sybil reincarnate. She only sees Grandchildren when she wants to. She lives her life-not around her family-they are afterthoughts. My MIL is not the nicest of person and I am glad she lives in that state.
My daughter signed a lease to rent one room. The "agent" signed in all these other people. Same day they moved in-she contacted the agent. She wanted out of the lease. Simple. She didn't want to live in that environment had she known when she stepped foot in to that real estate office to get a place. People rent rooms all the time, our listings here are full of them. She wanted more of a boarding house, but they don't seem to exist there. She's signing on for a studio apartment tomorrow. Near the school she's going to. Until then, she's in her car. She was totally scammed by that agent-who is also the owner of the said mobile home.
My daughter has busted tail to keep herself on the straight. She has a wonderful sponsor, goes daily to meetings and even leads some. All I asked was about legal stuff. Instead, I've been getting everyone's armchair opinions to what we should be doing or what she should be. Even with tough love we have been giving-she's on her own-deal with things as an adult, we get called out. It's darned if you do, and darned if you don't. We gave her tough love. We let the legal system do it's thing before and it totally left me with a nasty taste. A judge who put her in jail for a first offense, yet during the times we'd go in, we'd see the same people revolve through there with new charges, worse than hers and just get fined. It's a system that's failed and broken. When someone who had 3 DWI's in two years gets nothing but a suspended license again, my daughter gets to spend a year in jail because she was struggling with addiction. It's a horrible disease. Too many of these young kids are getting into it. You never know who. I pity any of you if you end up in my shoes. It could be any one of you. Yes, my husband could go down. Does he want to, no. It's an expense I just don't have right now. She did live in NC for the last year working and living in OBX near the rehab she went to. But it was too dependent on the summer crowds to make a living in the winter months. She did the same thing there, rented a room by the month.
Thank you all for just about no advice, but the lot of you are quick to make judgements, telling us she's a junkie, and being small minded. I asked for what the legal system there might do. Instead I get what this whole thread looks like. She's a junkie. She's a junkie. She actually is a very strong individual who is making great strides to stay clean and sober. She's always going to be a addict. But she's not going to let it define her rest of her life. You all have proved something to me. Like my late Mother used to say. "Christianity left the church a long time ago". Sure has.
I can't really help with answering your question but my daughter works for United Way and they have a 2-1-1 helpline that connects people to agencies and organizations that provide social services and assistance. I am fortunate to have no first-hand experience with these things (and I know I am fortunate) so I can't say with certainty that they can help but I think you should tell your daughter to try calling them. It can't hurt.
She's not a welfare case. I refuse to teach my children to use these agencies. I've told them you stand on your own feet and don't rely on the rest of society to pay your way. I know some do need the help. But my daughter is able bodied and if she wants things in life, needs to bust her tail for them. I have had no experience with them either. No one in my family ever has. I appreciate the advice, but I know these places help some of the same ilk she needs to avoid. It's reality and the truth. I was brought up by doing what ever it takes to keep your self supported, no matter how many hours or jobs it takes. My parents grew up during the Depression. That's a whole different way of growing up and learning to not live beyond your means. My kids have all learned that. If you can't pay cash, you don't need it.
She's not a welfare case. I refuse to teach my children to use these agencies. I've told them you stand on your own feet and don't rely on the rest of society to pay your way. I know some do need the help. But my daughter is able bodied and if she wants things in life, needs to bust her tail for them. I have had no experience with them either. No one in my family ever has. I appreciate the advice, but I know these places help some of the same ilk she needs to avoid. It's reality and the truth. I was brought up by doing what ever it takes to keep your self supported, no matter how many hours or jobs it takes. My parents grew up during the Depression. That's a whole different way of growing up and learning to not live beyond your means. My kids have all learned that. If you can't pay cash, you don't need it.
She needs help. First you said you were 'upper middle class' in your initial post, now you're broke and can't afford anything yet you suggest she turn down assistance.
She is clean yet find herself associating with undesirable people. She is on the straight and narrow but gets charged with elder abuse.
Lots of excuses here. Again, good luck. Being an addict is tough and I hope she continues to get help.
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