[Greisha1203]

My oldest son is from my first husband and I have sole custody of him, but I have a 2 year old daughter with my fiance. We've been together for 4 years and he is orignally from Miami and I was born here in NEW JERSEY...I want to start a new life with my family in Florida. I'm planning on going to NURSING SCHOOL over there and have my kids start a new life in the Sunshine State. He says that we are not ready to go but I just feel he wants to stay here for a reason. I have put everyones needs before mine and its time to think of myself in order to give the life to my children that they deserve....SHOULD I GO WITH or WITHOUT HIM???????????

[DailyJournalist]

Maybe your Fiance has a good job in N.J. and knows how bad the job market is in South Florida. These days it is not wise to leave a good job and move to a new state without having a job lined up that will provide you with a good living. My opinion is to wait till your Fiance is ready to move and plan it out wisely. Rushing a move is never smart.

[TANaples]

Originally Posted by DailyJournalist

Maybe your Fiance has a good job in N.J. and knows how bad the job market is in South Florida. These days it is not wise to leave a good job and move to a new state without having a job lined up that will provide you with a good living. My opinion is to wait till your Fiance is ready to move and plan it out wisely. Rushing a move is never smart.

30 years ago I moved to Florida from NY because a guy I was seeing wanted to live here.. I hated it here, left him, and moved back home.

It's difficult enough if you are married and one spouse doesn't want to move, next to impossible if you are aren't and are not on the same page.

[HowDeDo]

Originally Posted by Greisha1203

My oldest son is from my first husband and I have sole custody of him, but I have a 2 year old daughter with my fiance. We've been together for 4 years and he is orignally from Miami and I was born here in NEW JERSEY...I want to start a new life with my family in Florida. I'm planning on going to NURSING SCHOOL over there and have my kids start a new life in the Sunshine State. He says that we are not ready to go but I just feel he wants to stay here for a reason. I have put everyones needs before mine and its time to think of myself in order to give the life to my children that they deserve....SHOULD I GO WITH or WITHOUT HIM???????????

REPLY: Im afraid youve complicated matters by having a child out of wedlock ; this is why Marriage is best for children. Im not going to come down on you too hard, but, because you have no legal commitment to stay, you feel you can do whats best for yourself . But that is not the correct thing you should be considering ; you should be considering what is best for your two children ....and its not alot of sunshine, sand, and DisneyLand. Whats best for them is to have a Father around, either fulltime or at least part time because their emotional health depends on it so much. So, my vote goes for you and the kids staying in the same area of at least one of the fathers , hope that your fiancee will change his mind about Florida, and get married to him so long as he isnt abusive/can keep a job/will be faithful to you/and will love both of your children and yourself unconditionally.

[Alphaman]

Originally Posted by Greisha1203

My oldest son is from my first husband and I have sole custody of him, but I have a 2 year old daughter with my fiance. We've been together for 4 years and he is orignally from Miami and I was born here in NEW JERSEY...I want to start a new life with my family in Florida. I'm planning on going to NURSING SCHOOL over there and have my kids start a new life in the Sunshine State. He says that we are not ready to go but I just feel he wants to stay here for a reason. I have put everyones needs before mine and its time to think of myself in order to give the life to my children that they deserve....SHOULD I GO WITH or WITHOUT HIM???????????

Why don`t you just wait? Whats the big rush, are you willing to lose your fiancé over moving to Florida?

Marriage is supposed to be till death do you part, to me it sounds like your the one in the wrong.

The economy here is terrible you might not be giving your children much of anything just up and moving here.

[pianogal]

Originally Posted by Greisha1203

My oldest son is from my first husband and I have sole custody of him, but I have a 2 year old daughter with my fiance. We've been together for 4 years and he is orignally from Miami and I was born here in NEW JERSEY...I want to start a new life with my family in Florida. I'm planning on going to NURSING SCHOOL over there and have my kids start a new life in the Sunshine State. He says that we are not ready to go but I just feel he wants to stay here for a reason. I have put everyones needs before mine and its time to think of myself in order to give the life to my children that they deserve....SHOULD I GO WITH or WITHOUT HIM???????????

There seems to be a lot left unsaid here. Why do you need to move to Florida to go to nursing school? Is it your family that currently live in Florida? Why do you say you have to think of yourself in order to give your children what they deserve? What is your finance's financial condition? Why does he think you're not ready to go? Does he have a good job that supports you and the family? Is he committed to you and the children. What reason do you think he wants to remain in New Jersey? Are you both committed to each other and the relationship enough to marry?

No one can give helpful advice based on the little information in your original post. I'm sorry to say this but it sounds self centered and irresponsible...I'm sure you didn't mean it that way. Evidently you've made up your mind to go WITH or WITHOUT HIM...so what do you need to know from us?

[Georgia1113]

I would not advise anyone to raise children in south Florida. Too dangerous, expensive, etc. Too many negatives. Stay in NJ.

[nicsma2002]

I agree with HowDeDo. You should do whatever is best for your kids. I think they should be near their father(s) as long as there are no abusive relationships. Second to that, you need to be happy, take care of yourself, nurture yourself, & get your education so you can be a good mom. You've got to figure something out so you can accomplish both of these. Your quandry seems a bit personal for a message board & I think might be better suited for family counseling in your area.

[**NoodLes**]

Florida sucks, stay in NJ.

[kimmieyky]

At least that is my gut reaction but...maybe not such a good idea.

If you have a handle on the job market and are prepared to support yourself and the kids while you make it through school, it is possible that going is the right thing for you. Going without a job and winging it to make it through with kids will not be good - warm weather or not. Things are tight there now as everywhere else and prices continue to rise.

Now, that being said - what are the true reasons your fiance' doesn't want to go? Finances, family? Something is holding him back and it is imperative you figure that out first. Zip codes are only numbers even though the weather is great and the thought of a comfortable life is appealing, but it's hard to come by a good man - if he is - and his reasons may be sound.

I find it hard to say leave and split your family up - again, since your oldest has been through this already - but you do need to be happy too. Is it possible you are seeking to leave to get a fresh start from HIM? Just playing devils advocate... Examine your reasons for wanting to leave so badly and compare them to his reasons for staying.

Sounds like you may need a relationship fix before you move.

Good luck, and btw, I am in your boat - I am ready to go, hubby is slow to move, but hopefully coming around. Take care.

KimmieyKy