[TANaples]

We were on the phone over an hour. Her SO kicked her out. She was crying she had no money and nowhere to go. She wanted to get on a plane and come down here to Naples where we are. She said she wanted to start a new life.

First, I told her you cannot run away from your problems. You have to face them. Second, I said you have the most important thing in the world there in NY -- A JOB. At the end of the week, you will have a PAYCHECK. What will you have if you come here? NOTHING. You will have to look for a job. It is very, very difficult down here to get a decent paying job. She works in loss prevention, has about 8 years experience, and is making $14/hour at Bloomingdale's. I checked the want ads. Bealls is hiring for loss prevention at $9/hour. I told her that. You will be making a hell of a lot less money, besides which Bealls is nothing like Bloomingdale's.

She said, well, rents are cheaper. Oh yeah, right. She was paying $500 a month sharing an entire house, with basement, and backyard. What would she get here? I checked. She will be sharing a condo here for the same $500. I did not see ANY shares less than that in Naples. Forget renting alone. The rents were all at or over $1,000 a month. Same costs to rent on SMALLER SALARY in Florida.

She was going to leave her car and just fly down. How would she look for work or go to work without a car? Totally foolish.

She HATES the heat, as I do. She spent the whole 5 days she was here in July INSIDE the house. She didn't want to go to the beach, or the pool. We stayed in or went to the mall. She even complained that the 78 degrees we had the AC set at was TOO HOT. No, she don't belong here.

She eventually went to stay at a friend's parents house temporarily. We told her that we would give her extra money for security deposit on an apartment when she needs it. I told her to stay put there. She knows how we feel about Florida. I know she misses us and wants to be closer, but I told her it is only a matter of time. We want to leave and go back when we can retire in a few years. Then she will be stuck in Florida all alone. At least in NY she has her job, friends, her sister, and someday us.

We will help her as much as we can financially, but she needs to stand on her own two feet and think logically. Running away to Florida is not the answer.

[Momma_bear]

She's probably just emotional and needs her family. Maybe she should take a little time off from work and visit you before she makes any final decisions.

[Lulu101]

She will be able to find a job in Miami Laud area. Then she will only be a couple hours from you.

[Jara]

Good Advice TANaples! When my son moved out to NM, he sold his car and had a good down payment for an apartment. He didn't have a car, and had to walk. It took a little time to establish himself, but now he has a used SUV and things stabilized. In his case it was ridiculous to even think of staying here. I wish your daughter Good Luck! What she has in her favor is she knows NY turf.

[Ceiling Cat]

You did the right thing. I do believe it's perfectly fine to run sometimes, depending on the situation, but your daughter obviously shouldn't move here. No one should run here!

[TANaples]

Originally Posted by Ceiling Cat

You did the right thing. I do believe it's perfectly fine to run sometimes, depending on the situation, but your daughter obviously shouldn't move here. No one should run here!

this week for her line of work. I then quoted her the rents for a room share. Her words were, "OMG! Are they kidding"?

She has decided to stay in NY and work it all out.

[121804]

Sounds like she just needs her mom & not looking to move.
I've gone through the same emotions based on other circumstances.
NOTHING makes up for talking to one's mom & just being allowed to go through ALL emotions UNJUDGED.
Then, you gotta be the mom you have been & she is use to.

Doesn't sound like she wanted to move, just like she needed her mom at a really tough time as she figured things out.

Don't be surprised if next week she wants to move. It's a rollercoaster she will be on for awhile.

[Rachael84]

^ You make a good point. That's really good advice too. I think it's a good idea for her to go down to visit for a week if either one of them has the money to (which is difficult with how high airline prices are now!).

[TANaples]

Originally Posted by 121804

Sounds like she just needs her mom & not looking to move.
I've gone through the same emotions based on other circumstances.
NOTHING makes up for talking to one's mom & just being allowed to go through ALL emotions UNJUDGED.
Then, you gotta be the mom you have been & she is use to.

Doesn't sound like she wanted to move, just like she needed her mom at a really tough time as she figured things out.

Don't be surprised if next week she wants to move. It's a rollercoaster she will be on for awhile.

not by choice either (job). We are not happy here. Yes, she just wanted to come here to be near us. That is not the solution. Why have three miserable people here? The solution is to tough it out and wait for the day when WE can return to NY.