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Old 08-10-2012, 08:18 PM
 
Location: The OC
1,215 posts, read 2,949,637 times
Reputation: 477

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Quote:
Originally Posted by jlawrence01 View Post
Wouldn't it be a lot easier to call the wait staff over and ask for a glass of water?

It seems to me that would save a lot of time (and some stomach lining) to do something that would get what you want rather than blowing an omission WAY OUT OF PROPORTION.

By the way, posts like the ones that you posted on Yelp are the type that MOST people ignore.
Also, to be honest I didn't notice it at the time that I didn't receive water... Only afterwards towards the end... Truth is that I didn't even want water (I had a water bottle with me). I only wanted to be treated with the same amount of respect as everyone else.... but for some reason I wasn't...

Sometimes I don't notice poor service at the time it happened but after the fact when I've had plenty of time to reflect on it.

 
Old 08-10-2012, 08:26 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
24,012 posts, read 28,366,729 times
Reputation: 41121
OK wait...all of this over a glass of water YOU didn't notice was missing for awhile either and you didn't even want anyway? Oh my.

I guess the lesson here is anyone can find something to get offended over if they really want to.
 
Old 08-10-2012, 08:29 PM
 
Location: Central Texas
20,958 posts, read 45,234,375 times
Reputation: 24738
Okay, you've got your self-respect all tied up in this, obviously, to the point that you say in one post that you can't help taking it as a personal slight and in another that you choose to do so.

Nothing any of us are going to say is going to change that, but I suggest you look at the posts here and see how many of them agree with you that it's awful what was done to you and that clearly it was because you're short and female and youthful looking, and how many disagree with you about it (including several short, female, used to be young or still are posters).

Then think about that and where the real problem might be coming from. I agree with the poster who said that attitude might very well be part of it. You don't have to be well-known in a restaurant for an attitude to come across.
 
Old 08-10-2012, 08:32 PM
 
Location: The OC
1,215 posts, read 2,949,637 times
Reputation: 477
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
OK wait...all of this over a glass of water YOU didn't notice was missing for awhile either and you didn't even want anyway? Oh my.
That doesn't take away the fact that everyone received it except me; I was singled out. Ever customer should be treated equally.
 
Old 08-10-2012, 08:37 PM
NCN
 
Location: NC/SC Border Patrol
21,664 posts, read 25,529,817 times
Reputation: 24363
I used to eat alone on purpose when I was working. I have had the same experience and I think it is deliberately done in order to fill up the tables in the restaurant. I was a busy mother and lunch was the only alone time I got in the entire day. Well they got their way with me. They can fill up their tables with someone else because I don't go back.

There was one place in town that had the worst help or policies I have ever seen. My husband took me out to dinner on our anniversary and the waitress spent the entire meal trying to flirt with him. There was not enough she could do for him, but he finally had to specifically ask for service for me. It was the same place that let me go through an entire meal without anything to drink. I called the manager and explained to him what a mistake they had made. I asked him if his waitresses realized who in the family usually chooses where we will eat? And I suggested to him that maybe he might want to clue them in on trying in the future to stop treating women like second class citizens.

It has been years since we have set our feet in that place. We ride by, but we don't stop. Same thing happens when the only word they can come up with to call us is guys. That word is so low class. I may listen to being called guys for one meal, but they will not see me again. We have a lot of places to eat in our town and some of them have enough class to call people ladies and gentlemen.
 
Old 08-10-2012, 09:23 PM
 
Location: Southern New Hampshire
10,030 posts, read 17,955,723 times
Reputation: 35732
Quote:
Originally Posted by jackie100 View Post
I choose to take it as a personal slight. I am not giving up power as I wrote a VERY long review that thousands of people undoubtedly will read. They don't know who they are messing with.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jackie100 View Post
Also, to be honest I didn't notice it at the time that I didn't receive water... Only afterwards towards the end... Truth is that I didn't even want water (I had a water bottle with me). I only wanted to be treated with the same amount of respect as everyone else.... but for some reason I wasn't...

Sometimes I don't notice poor service at the time it happened but after the fact when I've had plenty of time to reflect on it.
Um, OP, sorry but you sound, well, nuts. "They don't know who they are messing with"? And you sometimes don't notice problems until later when you reflect on how badly people treated you, even though you didn't notice that bad treatment at the time? Dogmama was putting it nicely when she suggested moving this thread to mental health.

To answer your first question, how personally would I take it if everyone else got water but I didn't? The answer is, not personally at all. I would assume they were busy, and if I wanted water, I would ask for it. If I didn't want water, I would just enjoy my meal and then go about my day. Life is WAY too short to let such incidences take up so much of your time and energy!
 
Old 08-10-2012, 09:25 PM
 
Location: Volcano
12,969 posts, read 28,305,646 times
Reputation: 10756
Quote:
Originally Posted by jackie100 View Post
It's my opinion that white males are generally always treated with the most deference and respect by cashiers/waiters/sales associates; people assume they have power and money. I'm a small female but I ALSO have money; however I feel that most people don't accord me the same respect as they would a white guy. I guess I am power hungry and secretly want to be perceived as powerful. I hate being petite and frequently overlooked (even physically once since someone didn't see me because I was too short).
And here the truth comes out... this really is not about the glass of water at all.

I'm a white guy, yeah, and I've worked in bars and restaurants, and I've also traveled very extensively, eating alone in restaurants in strange cities in various countries as often as 200 nights per year. So I've got all kinds of different perspectives on this, and I can say categorically that this upset of yours is 100% a product of your own imagination.

If i had a dollar for every time I have not been served a glass of water in a restaurant without asking for it, I could probably buy a beachfront house on Maui. It means absolutely nothing personal. It just happens. Restaurants get busy. Servers get distracted. It's NOT WRITTEN ON THE ORDER, so it's easy to overlook.

So you ask for water, and they bring it. No big deal. And sometimes they forget and you have to ask again. And you know what? It's still not personal. Not everyone even wants water. It means nothing.

To have wasted the enormous amount of energy you have already on this non-issue is far more disturbing to me than whatever you think you are complaining about. Something is seriously out of whack for you to think this was worth a 1,000 word rant on Yelp... a rant that I would probably flag to a moderator that it should be taken down as inappropriate... plus post after post on this thread.

And like I said before, it's now clear to me that this has nothing to do with a glass of water.

If you walk around looking for things to be upset about in life, you'll easily be upset all the time. It's commonly referred to as having a chip on your shoulder. But that's no way to live.

I don't say this casually, or flippantly, but I honestly think you could benefit from professional counseling to help you resolve whatever the real issue is for you. Seriously.

Because this clearly is not about an overlooked glass of water.

Best wishes.
 
Old 08-11-2012, 05:45 AM
 
Location: Montreal -> CT -> MA -> Montreal -> Ottawa
17,330 posts, read 32,903,391 times
Reputation: 28902
Quote:
Originally Posted by jackie100 View Post
I read it twice. I just have a different opinion; that's all. To me; it is a big deal and yes, it is because I choose it to be that way. I admit I have a tendency to think everything is about me but in my mind, yes, I was ignored because of who I am. That's just how I interpret it.
I didn't respond to this last night because I wanted time to think about it some more. However, this morning, my mind hasn't changed.

I fear that your tendency to think that everything is about you is going to make life difficult for you because it will likely be filled with disappointments. You're going to meet a lot of people whose worlds do not revolve around you, and you're going to feel hurt, like you did with the water scenario.

There is nothing better -- trust me -- than to go through life with compassion for others, to imagine yourself in their shoes. And, further to that good feeling of caring for someone else, it makes you feel better about yourself.

I'm an only child who was spoiled rotten (not just with material things but with attention and time). When I got out into the "real world" -- work, marriage, etc... -- I realized how GREAT it felt to not be the center of attention, to do things for someone else, to be compassionate and empathetic.

Of course this goes far beyond a glass of water and how much money you have. Using people skills instead of power will make them feel better... and will make you feel better about yourself. A waiter or waitress never once doted on me because of the three-carat diamond on my finger -- they always treated me nicely because I was friendly and treated them nicely. What goes around, comes around. A smile begets a smile. You know what I'm talking about, I know you do. Whatever attitude YOU project comes back to you ten-fold.

And I'm saying all this as a 4' 11', 98-pound female.
 
Old 08-11-2012, 05:47 AM
 
10,449 posts, read 12,425,755 times
Reputation: 12596
Chances are they just forgot about your table. Don't take it personally because it probably isn't personal. In the future, do something about it by going up to a server and asking for some water, instead of just sitting there. FWIW, I am also a small-in-stature young female and I often dine out alone.
 
Old 08-11-2012, 05:49 AM
 
10,449 posts, read 12,425,755 times
Reputation: 12596
Quote:
Originally Posted by jackie100 View Post
I already wrote a scathing review on Yelp that is like 1,000 words about this incident. They will know about it; trust me. As will everyone else that reads it. I don't know why I didn't spoke up right when it happened... I am extremely angry. You are right though; I should have spoken up while I was waiting and not wait until paid.

I am seriously pissed off and am not going to forget or get over this...
I'm sorry, but you're seriously pissed off and not going to get over a glass of water?
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