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I went out to eat today at a restaurant by myself and every table received free water except me?
I didn't and I take it as being overlooked because I appear young (I'm 4 ft 11"), female and was dining alone...
Yes, the restaurant WAS busy so it was possible that they forgot about me, however since I am hyper sensitive about being small, looking young for my age, eating out alone I assume it was because due to those reasons. Also due to receiving less respect due to eating alone... I am not young btw, however people assume I am even if I wear a suit because I'm small in stature.
I confronted one of the waiters when I paid and asked if every table is supposed to receive water and he said yes. When I asked him why I didn't he claimed cause it was busy...
However, I can't help but feel that it was because I was the only female person dining alone whereas everyone else was in a group or in two's.
I take stuff like this VERY personal and already wrote a review on Yelp about it. I am actually still upset about it.
I felt like if I were a MALE and walked in I probably would have gotten better service. Trust me, I have plenty of money and tip generously if I receive good service. Very generously. However, today I felt ignored and invisible and since I had to struggle all my life with feeling invisible due to being petite and small it seriously pisses me off. I am fuming and will fume for a long time to come.
It's not about the water; it's about RESPECT. Why was I not accorded the same respect as everyone else?
How personal would you take it if this happened to you?
I think women take this more personally than men, but I would have spoken up immediately. When I go out with the girls, we have had instances where they tried to seat us near the bathrooms. We made it clear that we would not sit there. We speak up and you need to do that too. I would have no problem letting the server know immediately that you tip well for excellent service and not so well for poor. Be assertive and it will get easier.
I think women take this more personally than men, but I would have spoken up immediately. When I go out with the girls, we have had instances where they tried to seat us near the bathrooms. We made it clear that we would not sit there. We speak up and you need to do that too. I would have no problem letting the server know immediately that you tip well for excellent service and not so well for poor. Be assertive and it will get easier.
I already wrote a scathing review on Yelp that is like 1,000 words about this incident. They will know about it; trust me. As will everyone else that reads it. I don't know why I didn't spoke up right when it happened... I am extremely angry. You are right though; I should have spoken up while I was waiting and not wait until paid.
I am seriously pissed off and am not going to forget or get over this...
I'm female and I travel alone for work, so I dine alone. I've had occasions where restaurants were very busy and my water or silverware was forgotten. I've found that if I simply and politely say, "Excuse me, when you have moment would you please bring me (insert whatever is needed here)", the waiter or waitress always responds with something like, "Oh! I'm sorry! I'll bring that right away". It never occurred to me to choose to view it as some personal slight. When servers are hopping, even very good ones can overlook something. Instead of getting angry and holding a grudge, why didn't you point out the problem and give them a chance to correct the situation?
I'm female and I travel alone for work, so I dine alone. I've had occasions where restaurants were very busy and my water or silverware was forgotten. I've found that if I simply and politely say, "Excuse me, when you have moment would you please bring me (insert whatever is needed here)", the waiter or waitress always responds with something like, "Oh! I'm sorry! I'll bring that right away". It never occurred to me to choose to view it as some personal slight. When servers are hopping, even very good ones can overlook something. Instead of getting angry and holding a grudge, why didn't you point out the problem and give them a chance to correct the situation?
Because it was too busy at the time and they weren't close to my table...
Also, I ALWAYS dine out alone in my city. I am tired of the stereotype that people only eat out alone mostly when traveling. I'm not sociable and don't have friends so I eat alone in my city of residence A LOT... For me eating alone is not synonymous with traveling; I always at alone. I don't like the assumption that a lot of people have that people only eat alone when traveling. Perhaps that is the case for you but for me I eat alone all the time in my city. I guess to modern society that is considered an anomaly since people feel the need to emphasize that they eat alone only due to travel.
However, I do take it as a personal slight; I cannot help it.
I choose to take it as a personal slight. I am not giving up power as I wrote a VERY long review that thousands of people undoubtedly will read. They don't know who they are messing with.
I think being petite and looking YOUNGER also makes you appear invisible because people assume I don't have money even if I wear designer and dress super upscale. I have a lot of money and not afraid to tip generously if I am serviced well.
Last edited by Beretta; 08-11-2012 at 08:35 AM..
Reason: quoted post was deleted
I already wrote a scathing review on Yelp that is like 1,000 words about this incident. They will know about it; trust me. As will everyone else that reads it. I don't know why I didn't spoke up right when it happened... I am extremely angry. You are right though; I should have spoken up while I was waiting and not wait until paid.
I am seriously pissed off and am not going to forget or get over this...
Wouldn't it be a lot easier to call the wait staff over and ask for a glass of water?
It seems to me that would save a lot of time (and some stomach lining) to do something that would get what you want rather than blowing an omission WAY OUT OF PROPORTION.
By the way, posts like the ones that you posted on Yelp are the type that MOST people ignore.
Location: Montreal -> CT -> MA -> Montreal -> Ottawa
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I'm also female and 4' 11". I'm 47 but have been told that I look like I'm in my late 20s. I've only eaten at a restaurant alone once (at an airport), but when waiting in line at a deli or something, those counters are awfully high and I find myself jumping around a bit and/or standing on tippy-toes. I've never been ignored -- probably because I'm pretty loud and make sure that I'm being taken care of.
That said, I'm sure that there have been times that I've been overlooked (no pun intended) but, as TexasHorseLady said, it's your choice whether to feel slighted. If I were in your shoes (size 5??? ), I'd just figure that they were super-busy and get on with my day. I get angry at myself when I harbor resentments for longer than I should because then it makes me feel crappy for longer than it should. Y'know what I mean?
This is not another pun, but don't sweat the small stuff. Unless you're SURE that you were slighted, assume that you weren't, because a glass of water really is small stuff in the grand scheme of things. There's a saying: "If there are two ways to take something I said, and you felt hurt when I said it... I meant it the other way." The moral is not to assume the worst.
I'm not belittling (oh God, sorry! if I wasn't also 4' 11", you'd think I was being mean) the situation... but I've learned, in my 47 years of life, that things aren't always about me. Sometimes a glass of water is just that -- a glass of water. And sometimes people are busy... too busy for me. Just like sometimes I'm too busy for them. It just is.
Around here, by the way, there being a drought still on, it's the rule that you have to ask for water at restaurants rather than it automatically being supplied, so that precious water isn't wasted. Even people who have a lot of money and tip well have to ask, shocking as that might seem. Some people aren't aware of that city-imposed rule and could very easily decide that it was a personal insult.
Last edited by Beretta; 08-11-2012 at 08:36 AM..
Reason: personal message deleted
[quote=TexasHorseLady;25580626:
Around here, by the way, there being a drought still on, it's the rule that you have to ask for water at restaurants rather than it automatically being supplied, so that precious water isn't wasted. Even people who have a lot of money and tip well have to ask, shocking as that might seem. Some people aren't aware of that city-imposed rule and could very easily decide that it was a personal insult.[/quote]
Nope, at this place they give the water to everyone. You don't have to ask for the water.
I also don't believe this slight would have happened to EVERYONE. I doubt it would happen to me if I were a White Male. A caucasian male would never have been treated the way I did. Males generally always receive better treatment...
Last edited by Beretta; 08-11-2012 at 08:37 AM..
Reason: quoted post was edited
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), I'd just figure that they were super-busy and get on with my day. I get angry at myself when I harbor resentments for longer than I should because then it makes me feel crappy for longer than it should. Y'know what I mean?