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Just a question about etiquette. When you're invited over to a friends house for dinner do you automatically ask, "Would you like me to bring anything?" Or do you think it impolite? If they do say no, do you still bring something over anyway, like a bottle of wine or a dessert? Have you ever brought a dish unsolicited?
Location: Montreal -> CT -> MA -> Montreal -> Ottawa
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Yes, I definitely ask if there's something that they'd like me to bring.
Yes, if they say "no, nothing, just bring yourselves..." I bring along an "extra" -- not a dish; but an extra. Like a bottle of wine, a box of chocolate, something "extra."
It depends whether it will be a "formal" dinner party ( where I would not ask as the host would be mortified to be asked) or an informal gathering , where I think it is nice to ask. I judge it by the friends and what they say about the dinner party in question.
I would never go to anyone's house for dinner without bringing Flowers and a Bottle of Wine or Posh Chocolates , I am not sure what the Etiquette is in the US ? I was brought up to always send a thank you card afterwards too but I seem to be in a minority which leads me to think I am obviously out of touch !
I always ask if I can bring something. Even if I get a "nope, we're good" I still ask again "Are you SURE??"
One time we had invited a bro-in-law and his then gf over. They did this too, "Can we bring something?" I told them no a couple of times. They still brought "something". A can of green beans. Seriously. A CAN of green beans.
I wasn't sure what to do or say when she handed it to me....
I always ask too but 99% of the time, they never request me to bring anything.
I never go empty handed either. A bottle of wine or some flowers. I am always surprised at people who never bring anything. Sis #3 is hosting Thanksgiving and the family normally brings all the food, the guests don't but I am amazed at how many guests who arrive without a hostess gift.
It depends whether it will be a "formal" dinner party ( where I would not ask as the host would be mortified to be asked) or an informal gathering , where I think it is nice to ask. I judge it by the friends and what they say about the dinner party in question.
I would never go to anyone's house for dinner without bringing Flowers and a Bottle of Wine or Posh Chocolates , I am not sure what the Etiquette is in the US ? I was brought up to always send a thank you card afterwards too but I seem to be in a minority which leads me to think I am obviously out of touch !
Why would a host be "mortified to be asked" if you can bring anything? I've never heard that one before.
Why would a host be "mortified to be asked" if you can bring anything? I've never heard that one before.
It is probably a cultural thing but in France for example if you are invited to a more formal dinner party even with friends it would be considered "insulting" to offer to bring something as you are implying that the Host is unable to provide. I think most places in Europe actually.
Only at potlucks or very, very informal dinner party is it really OK to bring food.
And you ALWAYS bring a gift no matter how small and always thank people afterwards with a card. I am sure the younger generation no longer does this but this is the way I was brought up.
Also when someone invites you to dinner at the restaurant it is considered insulting to offer to pay for your share. They have invited you and thus you can pay next time if you wish but offering money is seen as quite a slight, a slap in the face so to speak. I have been in situation where well meaning foreigners argued trying to pay for their share at restaurants having been invited and grossly offended their hosts who was denied the pleasure and hospitable gesture of dining his guests.
When we lived in the North East, I would never go to anyone's home empty handed nor did they when they came to my home. Moving to the South 9 yrs. ago has been a very interesting experience. When I hosted my first dinner party for our neighborhood, everyone brought a dessert & sweet tea when they were leaving they packed up their leftover desserts, drinks & made "to go" plates of food. After my husband and I cleaned up he opened the fridge and asked--"where is that cheesecake so & so brought"? You should have seen the look on his face when I told him they took it home. I have never received a Hostess gift down South either. As for future parties after that one yes, they still pack up their desserts, drinks, to go plates and out the door they go. As for myself, I still bring something to someone else's home, that is the way I was brought up. kelsie
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Seriously. A CAN of green beans.
yes, they still pack up their desserts, drinks, to go plates and out the door they go.
