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My mom has spent her entire life making one meal for 5/6 of the family, and a separate meal for the 1/6 who has a laundry list of things he will not eat. Not can't eat, not has a health-related restriction on eating, or allergy...just doesn't like to eat. No thanks. There's what I make, and if that doesn't work for you, there's eggs or peanut butter sandwich supplies on hand that you can use on your own time. It's rude to expect someone to individualize your meal if you are simply picky. Make it yourself.
I like buffet style, and make some appetizers, for them to help themselves,,
I've had one persnickety self proclaimed "home-chef"(a friends wife) that says she can cook better than anyone, and is very opinionated,,
anyways,,,i found a good solution,,,i set up the dishes, buffet style,,then place a can of alpo (with gravy) at the end with a can opener in front of it
"for those that dont like whats served, help yourself to the alpo" is the speech i give before we dig in...not one complaint
Don't get me wrong. I am a thoughtful hostess, and I will respect a vegan, or someone who gave up chocolate because her dog lived, or whatever, but I just am not willing to be held hostage to immaturity in grownups.
Gotta agree that I'd probably tell Mom to make her own beans to sit next to my own.
But there ARE times that making two dishes is kind. For vegetarians ,those keeping kosher, (skip the pork and shrimp and cream sauces with meat), gluten sensitive,etc WHEN REASONABLY POSSIBLE.
Another example where two meals are the right thing to do:
My grandparents were from Britain and would visit us every summer in the US when I was small. I still remember my mother preparing two dinners. For us and my American dad, a meal that was rare meat, still crunchy green vegies, food that might be spicy, or had garlic. The other was well done gray meat, gray gravy, mushy vegies and no garlic any where near the plate. To think of a leg of lamb destroyed that way for grandma and grandpa still makes me cringe.
But to remember my mother's joy and pride from preparing delicious meals for ALL of her family? That's priceless.
And I will serve both versions so she can have what she likes and I can have what I like. But she seem to think that was crazy talk. What about you all? Would you make a few versions? It's a bbq for about 12 people so it isn't like it's just her and me.
heck no! When friends/family come to my house, they know they are going to get healthy food. If they want something special, then they can bring it themselves, JUST like I would do when I go to their house. I don't place those expectations on others. Plus, most people don't understand "healthy", so I would never place the burden on them. I always ask what is being served, and I take care of myself.
After all, gatherings are not just about eating, it's really about spending time with those I care about. I no longer live to eat, I eat to live.
OP, tell her you've made her version, and she should be satisfied. You don't like it that way.
With all things, from religion to cooking, it's bad boundaries to tell others their personal preferences are wrong.
But people still do that.
Then there's the opposite extreme where you're messing with the cook. If you wanna be picky like TabulaRasa said (except for an allergy, the rest is actually an excuse, since everything is healthy in some way, aside from junk food), make your own meal. But that detracts from the gathering, so, no it's better if you can find something to eat from what's available. So this has peanuts, eat the egg salad instead.
Quote:
Don't get me wrong. I am a thoughtful hostess, and I will respect a vegan, or someone who gave up chocolate because her dog lived, or whatever, but I just am not willing to be held hostage to immaturity in grownups.
You ever seen vegans on planes? They're obnoxious. I'd like what they're eating, but I don't go about expecting a special order. People can forage for what they can eat, and not demand extremes from others.
In any gathering, you have a beef/pork/shrimp dish, a chicken dish, and a salad or something and make it buffet style so people can self-serve. Same on a plane, there should not have to be a need to make special provisions, or declare yourself a vegan just to eat something else. Just have mushroom-pepper hoagies or something, and if you want one, that's fine. It's a two way street, make things available that are easy, and don't be a jerk who won't eat salad but insists on tofu.
Last edited by bulmabriefs144; 06-28-2013 at 06:50 AM..
I have to say the vegans I know are very sweet and appreciative of whatever I make. Seems like the ones encountered in this thread have been otherwise. And the picky eaters aren't complaining, I just remember their likes and dislikes and plan accordingly. If a dish can be split into two easily, that's what I do. And people are always welcome to bring dishes, I don't care if they do as I am very casual. Interesting thread!
I do try to note the food allergies and the total dislikes of close family so when a family dinner is cooked, I avoid dishes that would create a problem for those persons. But I would never cook two or more versions of the same dish to appease someones likes/dislikes just because.
The person attending my function can always find something else to eat while at my function....and if they can't, I will break out the loaf of bread and offer peanut butter, jelly or a cold cheese sandwich and chips. And if I'm taking something somewhere I do ask what I should bring ... but one version only for pete's sake!
I tend to have a lot of dinner parties, and love to cook for friends. I also note food allergies or such, or if someone is a vegan, lactose / glucose intolerant or vegetarian I totally respect that and willl adhere the menu to suit them. Also, if someone can't handle spicy foods I'll tone it down a little (when it's just my family, I will spice the heck out of it! We have ghost peppers growing!! But I'm sure I won't be serving those to guests )
But I have never ever made 2 versions of the same exact dish. I'll either just make the one version that works for that person or majority or whatever, and/or provide lots of different options so everyone is happy.
I might make a dish with and without meat if I know I'm serving some vegetarians and it's easy to add/subtract to the recipe. I wouldn't make two kinds of baked beans though just to please my mother.
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