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Old 05-25-2014, 10:13 AM
 
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Basically every time I cook, it turns out awful.

~ A man that would be helpless without his wife.
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Old 05-25-2014, 11:03 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MeteoMan View Post
I've already related the story about the "worst pasta dish in the world" I made in Rome, Italy back in July 2007 - it tasted like battery acid, and even a feral cat that came up to the apartment would not touch it.

Otherwise, I guess the worst I did was when as a family, when I was a kid back in the 90's, us kids would take turns to make the evening meal one night a week. I remember making a meal of dried, wrinkly tasteless butter beans with burned chicken legs and everybody groaning about it and not wanting to eat it, and me telling everybody off and getting angry.

There was a time when, as a kid again I tried making a cake just by attempting to remember what my mum had done, and simply adding about what ratio of flour, eggs etc.. I thought would be suitable and putting in the oven four an hour. The result was a disgusting coagulated mess, none of the ingredients had blended and it was a horrid texture.
This was before you knew there was a science to it. When I was a kid, me and a friend decided to make pizza. It was flour and water for the dough, ketchup for the sauce, and sliced hot dogs for the pepperoni. Sure sounded like it would be a pizza at the time.
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Old 05-25-2014, 11:04 AM
 
Location: The Northeast - hoping one day the Northwest!
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It was when I was a teenager.... my mom was in the hospital and I wanted to surprise her w/ our homemade cinnamon rolls. It was my first attempt ever w/ this recipe by myself and well it didn't turn out well.

So, I make the dough and I roll it out. Place the butter on the dough and I want to put the cinnamon on. Now, that is the part where I got really confused. I remember my mom always using a little green container and we used a spoon. I couldn't figure out why. I only saw the spice jar that said cinnamon. I remember I was making them w/ my next door neighbors who were like 8 or 9 at the time and telling them, "I know my mom used a spoon!!!" (In that green container which I didn't know where it was... it turns out it is Cinnamon Sugar which is what the cinnamon rolls needed)

Since I couldn't figure that out and didn't know it was cinnamon sugar, I just sprinkled ground cinnamon on the cinnamon rolls. Cut them up, rolled them up and placed them in the oven.

Then came out and didn't taste good. )they did look good though!) Of course.. there was ground cinnamon and not cinnamon sugar! One of the little girls cause you know kids will be kids said, "maybe next time your mom should make them"
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Old 05-25-2014, 11:08 AM
 
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I love reading everyone's food disasters. You all know what it feels like
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Old 05-25-2014, 11:11 AM
 
7,310 posts, read 4,687,815 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shorty458 View Post
It was when I was a teenager.... my mom was in the hospital and I wanted to surprise her w/ our homemade cinnamon rolls. It was my first attempt ever w/ this recipe by myself and well it didn't turn out well.

So, I make the dough and I roll it out. Place the butter on the dough and I want to put the cinnamon on. Now, that is the part where I got really confused. I remember my mom always using a little green container and we used a spoon. I couldn't figure out why. I only saw the spice jar that said cinnamon. I remember I was making them w/ my next door neighbors who were like 8 or 9 at the time and telling them, "I know my mom used a spoon!!!" (In that green container which I didn't know where it was... it turns out it is Cinnamon Sugar which is what the cinnamon rolls needed)

Since I couldn't figure that out and didn't know it was cinnamon sugar, I just sprinkled ground cinnamon on the cinnamon rolls. Cut them up, rolled them up and placed them in the oven.

Then came out and didn't taste good. )they did look good though!) Of course.. there was ground cinnamon and not cinnamon sugar! One of the little girls cause you know kids will be kids said, "maybe next time your mom should make them"
That's very nice of you to do that, your mom probably had the memory for a long time.

I remember I made chili for the family one time. I have always had an iron stomach so I decided to add a half bottle of Red Hot hot sauce to the pot. Chili is supposed to be hot right. I serve it up, and everyone starts coughing and hacking (they were joking) but I got the hint.
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Old 05-25-2014, 11:35 AM
 
Location: Western Oregon
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I heard about a friend of the family who was going to make baked crab. Those crabs didn't like being in the hot oven and they managed to push the oven door open.
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Old 05-25-2014, 11:41 AM
 
Location: Oregon Coast
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LOL, yes, Mock Apple Pie. There is no way crackers can substitute for the taste of real apples.
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Old 05-25-2014, 11:49 AM
 
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One time I made stuffed pork loins. There was mozzarella cheese in the middle then the pork was rolled around it. It came out of the oven looking very phallic, my husband said he couldn't eat it and couldn't watch me cut it up. It tasted pretty awful too.
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Old 05-25-2014, 12:03 PM
 
Location: In the realm of possiblities
2,710 posts, read 2,170,004 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by daylux View Post
Tried to make my mom's hash. I've asked her how to make it, and it never comes close to how she makes it. Ground beef, potatoes, onion soup, hot sauce, onions, and Worchester. Sounds easy right, well, I managed to screw it up. Now there's a whole bunch left over that we don't want. My DH said "what did you do different?" which is his nice way of saying "that sucked."

Some of the potatoes were either under cooked or soggy, the hamburger didn't have the nice crisp that my mom gets on it, way too much Worchester so it was kind of sweet and mushy, it didn't have that greasy hamburger-y crispy crust flavor that my mom manages. What a waste. I'm running out of ways to prepare red meat without a grill.

Besides the suggestion of a cast iron skillet to use, which I swear by, I have a method I use for hash. Roast the potatoes in the oven first, but not till mushy, just until a fork slides into them easily. And whenever I cook hamburger meat for anything, I never worry about draining it. I simply keep cooking it till it begins to brown, and gets that crispy flavor. Throw the chopped onions into the meat the last ten minutes while to soften them a bit. If it was me, I would use the Worcestershire sparingly. Maybe 1/4 teaspoon, if that much. It tends to overpower some meats. Being a cook, though, is truly an adventure. What works for one, might not work for another. Take a bit of other's advice, leave some of it behind. After all, it's all in how it tastes to the individual. Experiment.
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Old 05-25-2014, 12:38 PM
 
Location: Logan Township, Minnesota
15,511 posts, read 12,546,383 times
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When I was about 10 years old my sister and I decided to surprise our mother with home made honey buns. We found a recipe in the cook book and it called for 1 cup shortening. We did not know what shortening was and decided it must be baking powder. Emptied the whole can of baking powder and it wasn't quite a cup, but decided that would do.

All I can say is when we added the water--"What a Mess"

Looked like a grade school science fair volcano.

Our mother did not appreciate our efforts when she came home.
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