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First of all, let me say I love this city. I don't regret the move here at all but after nearly 2 yrs I have found hardly anyone to be friends with except for a few older neighbors. I noticed unfortunately too late for me that people automatically label you. I am a single mom of a now 15 yr old. My daughter was 13 when we moved here right before turning 14. We are a mixed race family and there are families like ours here. I am mixed and my daughter is mostly white. I'm used to people not knowing we're mother and daughter. But what I didn't know is that people had us labeled as lesbians. There's nothing gay about either one of us. I also have visible tattoos and apparently people act like they've never seen a woman with tattoos before. So that only enhanced the lesbian label. And I'm overweight. I'm originally from Detroit and there men were very attracted to overweight women. From what I'm gathered, people here think if you're overweight, you're a lesbian. In other words, from the people on the bus, to the people in the grocery, to the maintenance people at my house to the neighbor's, everyone had me labeled as lesbian and still do and treated me as if it were a fact, which is news to me, the father of my child, and anyone that knows me.
I noticed also that people also look you up and down when they meet you. I've lived in 8 states and so moving to a new city is nothing new to me. I've lived where people don't look you in the eye-(on the Navajo reservation)-because its considered disrespectful. But to have someone look you up from head to toe when you're introducing yourself is just odd. Not only that, people won't speak. They just look and walk on. I don't know how to take people here. I had tattoos since I was 19 yrs old. I'm 37 now and am planning on getting more. I love my tattoos and I'm not gonna change it.
I'm not one of these women that have a man just to have one. I don't put someone around my kid. So there is no visible man around. I've dealt with the lesbian label before. When you're a single mom who loves their kids and wants respect from your kids and not to have different men around your kids, you get that label alot. But not to this degree. I just don't understand the mentality of this place. Can someone help me out and not be derogatory? That's not gonna help me get to understand the people of Fort Wayne any better. Thanks.
First, my guess is that people might be giving you a good look over simply to check out all of the tattoos. Other than that, I only have a suggestion -- You might want to put this in the Indiana forum if you want to reach folks from the Fort Wayne area. You probably won't get much feedback on Fort Wayne in the Northwest Indiana forum.
Well, Fort Wayne (all in all) is a conservative city. Tattoos aren't considered to be that conservative. As far as the lesbian thing, do people literally coming up to you and ask you or do you just perceive is that way? These are two completely different things. It is definitely going to be challenging meeting friends here because Fort Wayne is a family-driven city. You know, the mother, father, 2-3 kids living in a suburban neighborhood. Obviously there is more than that here, but people will give you weird looks if you don't necessarily fit into that stereotype. My suggestion is to be yourself, appear somewhat eager to meet new people, try not to be guarded, and be friendly. If you are friendly in this city, it will go a LONG way. Even if you feel as though they are welcoming you, you never know for sure unless they blatantly say something. If they do say something, then that is a problem that they have to deal with, not you. Good luck and I hope you find some people to socialize with. Are you at all involved with church, or maybe join some type of club. Maybe a fitness center or gym? Not sure if those are your interests but those are ways to meet new people. Also, volunteer at a local school district or church, or not-for-profit company?
I know how you feel. I re-invented myself by losing the weight and had tatoos removed. Its alot more painful haveing them removed. People are judgemental no matter where you go. I was in Japan while in the Army and people there gave me dirty looks everywhere I went because I was American. Now I know what its like to be a minority.
I am a single mom of a now 15 yr old. My daughter was 13 when we moved here right before turning 14. We are a mixed race family and there are families like ours here. I am mixed and my daughter is mostly white. I'm used to people not knowing we're mother and daughter. But what I didn't know is that people had us labeled as lesbians. There's nothing gay about either one of us. I also have visible tattoos and apparently people act like they've never seen a woman with tattoos before. So that only enhanced the lesbian label. And I'm overweight. I'm originally from Detroit and there men were very attracted to overweight women. From what I'm gathered, people here think if you're overweight, you're a lesbian. In other words, from the people on the bus, to the people in the grocery, to the maintenance people at my house to the neighbor's, everyone had me labeled as lesbian and still do and treated me as if it were a fact, which is news to me, the father of my child, and anyone that knows me.
How do you know this? Do they hold up signs saying "lesbian" and point to you? It seems to me that people might just be reacting to the fact that you are unusual looking, for Ft. Wayne, and you're interpreting that to mean something it doesn't. Just from reading the emphasis in your paragraph above, I suspect it's more on your mind than on anyone elses'.
Quote:
Originally Posted by leasmom
I noticed also that people also look you up and down when they meet you. ...
...But to have someone look you up from head to toe when you're introducing yourself is just odd. Not only that, people won't speak. They just look and walk on. I don't know how to take people here.
Honestly, it sounds like you are intimidating people. That's a typical human reaction to someone who is a little strange or scary to them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by leasmom
I had tattoos since I was 19 yrs old. I'm 37 now and am planning on getting more. I love my tattoos and I'm not gonna change it.
In my experience, people who get lots of tattoos tend to like being different, and like attracting attention. So why are you upset that you attract attention from people who see you as being different? After all, you set up the game... they're just playing it with you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by leasmom
I just don't understand the mentality of this place.
Let me suggest the following. Some cities, like Detroit, are quite diverse and dynamic, and have a steady flow of people through them, so they easily embrace a wide range of personal expression, because they are used to a wide range of personal expression. On the other hand some cities like Ft. Wayne have a much more stable population, which changes much more slowly, and has a much smaller flow of visitors and newcomers through it. The range of acceptable individuality and personal self expression is much smaller in such communities. So if you are "different" you stand out much more than you would in more cosmopolitan communities.
And your choices are to 1) tone down your presentation, or 2) accept that your presentation produces a certain reaction in that community, or 3) move to a community that is more accepting of your presentation.
Welcome to the land of Vera Bradley -bobbed soccer moms! I sit in the Phoenix area now, and it's not you. There area so many nice, down to earth people in Ft Wayne. But that said, the women have a culture of sameness. same hair. same clothes, same demeanor. Just remember it's a pervasive culture affect, and there are still lots of cool people in the Fort. You just need to find a few to hang out with and ignore the rest if they are judging...good luck
I know because I've overheard them refer to us as the Lesbian house and from the reactions I get and from the few people that I have overheard say, "Isn't she a lesbian?"
Since first writing this, I have gotten to know alot more people and have had to change the way I look and dress. I wear my hair differently and started wearing more feminine clothes and jewelry and now I don't get labeled that way from the outside. I do still have neighbors, the ones that don't know me and those that just moved in who stare etc. and I have heard the "L" word used from them. The others that do know me know better. I even had a drunk guy pee on the wall of my house who called me a Lesbian. I wrote them a letter and let them know not to pee on my house and also that I nor my now 16 yr old who was 15 at the time are NOT lesbians. I've even put Band Mom on my car for a reason. I may even put Single Mom on it too. But I think the person that wrote that if you're not in a relationship, people are suspicious of you was right. I mean, out of all the states I've lived in, I never have seen couples everywhere you look even the grocery store but here. Its like they're attached at the hip. I still deal with the Lesbian label in my neighborhood but I now chaulk it up to their ignorance. I even had a talk with the maintenance guys who thought I was a lesbian and told one of them I'm not gay, I think the other one still thinks so. That's how bad it is that I moved in and was labeled immediately. I've never had that happen before and I've been a single mom my child's entire life. Most people don't label you first without getting to know you but they do here.
Since first posting, I've joined a few groups and I feel much better about Fort Wayne but people are still judgemental, still look you up and down. I've learned one thing about Fort Wayne and that's to keep to myself first and later approach people. I'm a band mom now and after dealing with band mom's, I learned to keep to myself but be polite and not take it personal.
OPEN D, I look like a normal mom, I am not tattooed all over but even if I were, that's no excuse for how people are acting. I think people need to evolve. I came from a much larger city where people don't automatically judge you and I've come from smaller towns where they didn't judge as much as Fort Wayne does, and we're talking about a tiny, very noisy city and they still didn't automatically judge. There are too many people moving in and out of Fort Wayne and they need to realize that not everyone thinks they way they do. Also, why would I move away? How would that change anything? So people would still be narrow-minded? Fort Wayne is evolving and it needs to evolve in its thinking!!!
Wow. I've lived in the Fort all of my life and recently moved to VA Beach, VA, 2 years ago. Let me tell you, THAT was a change! Not only the scenery, weather, but the HORRIBLE people that live down here in Virginia. People are rude as crap ALL over the entire state!
Onto Fort Wayne - I've never had any problems living in Fort Wayne. I'm not sure if you're allowed to curse on here but half the people I went to middle school with were complete a-holes. Thank God, I went to a different high school with my 2 best friends than put up with those crazy d-bags the next 4 years! The big change with people came to me quickly. I had wanted to scoot out of Fort Wayne so badly thinking it was such a boring place [still is but I'd visit there for a couple weeks every 2 months for family] but living in Virginia Beach has made me LOVE being from Indiana and miss the people terribly. A lot of people there are pretty snooty but there's more non-snooty ones than snooty.
It's terrible how someone can look you up and down with tattoo's and have other people start rumors about someone that's not true. Thinking back, that is like people from Fort Wayne.. with the rumors and such.
I am so sorry but Fort Wayne is actually an amazing place than the people I have to deal with down here! lol.
I know how you feel. I re-invented myself by losing the weight and had tatoos removed. Its alot more painful haveing them removed. People are judgemental no matter where you go. I was in Japan while in the Army and people there gave me dirty looks everywhere I went because I was American. Now I know what its like to be a minority.
That's weird. I've lived in Japan for 6 years, and never received dirty looks for being an American.
Maybe you were doing something culturally inappropriate that you weren't aware of.
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Open d
