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Old 04-25-2011, 12:13 AM
 
11,465 posts, read 19,539,189 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas User View Post
Good one.

Well, what if they say that you can be dead tomorrow or the next day. How do you respond to that?
It really depends -- most often I respond by saying "Well, I love you, too." or something else like "And you don't get any inheritance so stop planning. "

I have friends like that -- she used to be more frugal, but he was such a spender that he didn't even get angry when he discovered she had a secret bank account... he just started spending more and nagging her to cash it in. And in the end -- she did.

In turn, she felt why bother, and I'll show him, I'll keep up. He gets a tat, she gets a tat, he buys some clothes, she buys clothes -- and at times she can now outspend him. and they owe everyone they know lots of money to keep the lights and water on.

But the thing you have to remember -- you being frugal makes them feel uncomfortable. I figured this out ages ago.

They want you to spend spend spend like they do, to validate their lifestyle. Because underneath, they feel they aren't worthy of it.

There are a lot of people out there who are living just as large as they are, and are NOT in hock up to their eyeballs. They are finding a way to make it work. And those people won't look at you badly for living differently -- it's the people that need you to validate them that are looking at you badly.... because you make them feel bad.

Keep making them feel bad. Because you win that way!
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Old 04-25-2011, 12:42 AM
 
Location: San Antonio/Houston
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Heck no!! At least they do not ask me for money lol
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Old 04-25-2011, 09:26 AM
 
Location: West Orange, NJ
12,542 posts, read 17,816,948 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tallysmom View Post
It really depends -- most often I respond by saying "Well, I love you, too." or something else like "And you don't get any inheritance so stop planning. "

I have friends like that -- she used to be more frugal, but he was such a spender that he didn't even get angry when he discovered she had a secret bank account... he just started spending more and nagging her to cash it in. And in the end -- she did.

In turn, she felt why bother, and I'll show him, I'll keep up. He gets a tat, she gets a tat, he buys some clothes, she buys clothes -- and at times she can now outspend him. and they owe everyone they know lots of money to keep the lights and water on.

But the thing you have to remember -- you being frugal makes them feel uncomfortable. I figured this out ages ago.

They want you to spend spend spend like they do, to validate their lifestyle. Because underneath, they feel they aren't worthy of it.

There are a lot of people out there who are living just as large as they are, and are NOT in hock up to their eyeballs. They are finding a way to make it work. And those people won't look at you badly for living differently -- it's the people that need you to validate them that are looking at you badly.... because you make them feel bad.

Keep making them feel bad. Because you win that way!
i personally do kind of feel like i could be dead tomorrow. that doesn't mean i don't live frugally, it just means, if i want something, and i have the means to get it, i figure...why not? but, i'm also saving a decent amount of my income for retirement, something that is not typical of my age bracket according to the statistics. my wife and I both contribute 12% of our income to our 401k, and both get matched dollar for dollar up to 6%. so currently, 18% of our incomes is going to 401k retirement savings. i'm hoping to make some minor adjustments and save slightly more...but i also want to enjoy life now as well.

i'm extremely frugal in a lot of areas though, which i think allows me to live like i do. we just had a baby 7 weeks ago. i saw increased medical expenses coming, so i increased my FSA account for 2011. we purchased some clothes for the baby that were gently used, and we'll sell them when we're done with them. we've gotten a few nice things that we'll keep for our next children, but nothing else will get boxed up and saved...we'll recoup part of the cost of everything, new or used, aside from the "special" items we got through gifts or bought ourselves.

with bigger ticket items, we bought a very affordable bedroom set approx 6 years ago that we knew wasn't high quality but was good enough, and would go through multiple moves before we were somewhat permantly settled. so now that we have better means, we're buying a nicer, "lifetime" master bedroom set, and retiring the lower quality one to the guest bedroom. this is generally how we try to acquire things that are bigger ticket. i think it's very possible to be frugal in a significant portion of your lifestyle, and allow yourselves to still live your life and spend money...if you want.

that's the key. if you don't want these things, then why let someone pressure you into buying them?

the most important thing for me though while i'm young is that we have the ability to go on vacations with family, and entertain ourselves occasionally with friends. if i can do that and save for retirement, i'm meeting my current goals.
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Old 04-25-2011, 10:32 AM
 
Location: NJ
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bradykp View Post
i personally do kind of feel like i could be dead tomorrow. that doesn't mean i don't live frugally, it just means, if i want something, and i have the means to get it, i figure...why not?
its an interesting thing to be frugal and responsible and save for the future and then die before you can "enjoy" it. but i enjoy the security of having that money in the bank every single day much more than i would enjoy a more expensive clothes, fancier car or full priced peanut butter.
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Old 04-25-2011, 11:53 AM
 
11,465 posts, read 19,539,189 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bradykp View Post
i personally do kind of feel like i could be dead tomorrow. that doesn't mean i don't live frugally, it just means, if i want something, and i have the means to get it, i figure...why not? but, i'm also saving a decent amount of my income for retirement, something that is not typical of my age bracket according to the statistics. my wife and I both contribute 12% of our income to our 401k, and both get matched dollar for dollar up to 6%. so currently, 18% of our incomes is going to 401k retirement savings. i'm hoping to make some minor adjustments and save slightly more...but i also want to enjoy life now as well.
Which is perfect and wise, and what everyone should do -- but it means you don't want EVERYTHING, like my friends. If they have a dollar in their pocket they are planning on spending two. Like drunken sailors.

Their whole life is weekly payments to the RTO (rent to own) place, because they have to have the newest and the best, and "this way we can turn it in for newer and better".... which they are trying to convince us that's a great deal, but it's really because they wrecked their credit and get unemployed with amazing frequency....

Any chance you can share a Baby Brady pic?
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Old 04-25-2011, 12:38 PM
 
Location: West Orange, NJ
12,542 posts, read 17,816,948 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CaptainNJ View Post
its an interesting thing to be frugal and responsible and save for the future and then die before you can "enjoy" it. but i enjoy the security of having that money in the bank every single day much more than i would enjoy a more expensive clothes, fancier car or full priced peanut butter.
my wife chose the Acura TSX vs the Honda Accord. essentially the same vehicle, but the TSX is a tad shorter, and sportier, and has some "upgrade" features. for about $2,300 more, and the fact that we're still driving it 5.5 years later, i was ok with that splurge.

we also save quite a bit of money though. when we got engaged, we came up with a budget for our wedding and knew how long we needed to save for. divided budget/months and came up with our monthly savings. paid for our wedding, put the cash gifts back into savings to recover a bit, and continued to save that amount of cash each month ever since. we've increased it as we got raises, or became smarter with our budget at times. i won't go to nordstrom's and buy Seven Jeans for $140. But, I might buy them off of Gilt.com when they are clearing them out for $60. So if i walk by someone on the street, and they see me wearing "expensive" jeans that a lot of people pay $140 for, they might assume I'm a lavish spender. But I would cringe to spend $140 on jeans. Now, I could just buy my jeans at target, or costco, or whatever for $20. So maybe $60 is "expensive". But my experience with my less expensive jeans have been that they last a shorter amount of time, and, yes, aren't quite as "stylish". So if I can get the "fashionable" jeans on sale, I'll do it.

Now, some will argue that jeans are jeans. to each their own. old navy flat out said, as cotton prices rise, they will look at other cotton blends for their jeans. translation....quality is getting worse for old navy jeans to maintain that $20 price. so to some extent, what i've experienced with durability is true. point is though...if you saw me walking down the street i look like i spend a lot more than i do.

another example. my wife and i went to a black tie wedding recently. this often requires the lady to go out and purchase a dress that she swears she will wear more than just once. depending on the crowd you're partying with, a $100 dress might pull it off, but you might also be around $2,000 dresses. should we care? no. but....renttherunway.com lets her rent a dress that might cost $400 for around $60. i know she's only going to wear the darn thing once, so why go buy one for $100? maybe, we could sell it after she wears it...but now, she gets to "fit in" a bit more with the crowd that will be at the wedding, and she doesn't spend much. i finally bought a tux, since i have 2 black tie weddings this summer. but i did buy one get one at Mens Warehouse with my friend. we each spent about 3x what a rental would cost, but we'll wear it twice this summer, and I go to an event once per year that requires a tux. blah...now i'm rambling. point is...you can live frugally and financially intelligently, and still buy "nice" things.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Tallysmom View Post
Which is perfect and wise, and what everyone should do -- but it means you don't want EVERYTHING, like my friends. If they have a dollar in their pocket they are planning on spending two. Like drunken sailors.

Their whole life is weekly payments to the RTO (rent to own) place, because they have to have the newest and the best, and "this way we can turn it in for newer and better".... which they are trying to convince us that's a great deal, but it's really because they wrecked their credit and get unemployed with amazing frequency....

Any chance you can share a Baby Brady pic?
no, i don't want everything. or...more appropriately, i may want a lot of things, but i practice restraint. I would LOVE to buy a BMW M5. i could even "afford" to buy it. But....it would financially be a very stupid move for me. it's costly to insure. NJ beats up cars like no other, so would I really enjoy such a beautiful sports car to begin with? Every rock chip and parking lot ding would drive me insane. anyways, just because i can afford some things doesn't mean it's be a good idea to buy them. and i pass on a lot of my wants for these reasons.

i could buy my 7 week old son polo outfits for $35 a piece. they'll look very cute on him. they'll also fit for a month, maybe 3 if i'm lucky. i could afford it. i could also even sell many of them "gently used". but...i resist the temptation.
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Old 04-25-2011, 01:07 PM
 
Location: NJ
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i believe my fancy brand jeans are immitations from china. my wife gets lots of that stuff fake from her source out there. she also has some real deal stuff from special sales or gifts from my mom. i dont really care about stuff for myself. so i just try to keep a check on her spending. she sometimes uses our financial realities against me, but i think she does ok keeping spending down. i went to jenkinson's yesterday and both of us left feeling like snobs. i like my lbi crowd.

the important thing isnt necessarily that you save every penny possible. but that you are happy with the savings level you have and have minimized potential shortfalls in the future.

my uncle leased an m5. he was so excited about it he even got a custom license plate that was something like "537 HP." unfortunately, his wife laid on democratic guilt and he couldnt enjoy it fully.

oh and my daughter has had a facebook page since birth and has a lot more pictures on it than i have of me.
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Old 04-25-2011, 01:11 PM
 
Location: West Orange, NJ
12,542 posts, read 17,816,948 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CaptainNJ View Post
i believe my fancy brand jeans are immitations from china. my wife gets lots of that stuff fake from her source out there. she also has some real deal stuff from special sales or gifts from my mom. i dont really care about stuff for myself. so i just try to keep a check on her spending. she sometimes uses our financial realities against me, but i think she does ok keeping spending down. i went to jenkinson's yesterday and both of us left feeling like snobs. i like my lbi crowd.

the important thing isnt necessarily that you save every penny possible. but that you are happy with the savings level you have and have minimized potential shortfalls in the future.

my uncle leased an m5. he was so excited about it he even got a custom license plate that was something like "537 HP." unfortunately, his wife laid on democratic guilt and he couldnt enjoy it fully.

oh and my daughter has had a facebook page since birth and has a lot more pictures on it than i have of me.
and if that's what you want, that's what you should do! don't let someone convince you do buy even $50 jeans if you don't have any reason to want them. that's my attitude at least.

i'm not sure i even know what jenkinson's is. that sounds like a good thing.

what was democratic guilt for an M5?

facebook page...i'm a little wary of doing that. did you set it up as her account, or is it like my dog's facebook page where it's not real, it's linked to my account?
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Old 04-25-2011, 01:16 PM
 
Location: NJ
22,855 posts, read 28,753,454 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bradykp View Post
and if that's what you want, that's what you should do! don't let someone convince you do buy even $50 jeans if you don't have any reason to want them. that's my attitude at least.

i'm not sure i even know what jenkinson's is. that sounds like a good thing.

what was democratic guilt for an M5?

facebook page...i'm a little wary of doing that. did you set it up as her account, or is it like my dog's facebook page where it's not real, it's linked to my account?
jenkinsons is a place at point pleasant beach. they have a boardwalk, aqaurium, arcades, rides, etc. they were having some kind of parade there so we went. it turned out to be a little parade of dressed up kids on the boardwalk. i thought it was going to be in the street with cars, trucks, other thingies. but the crowd was too mixed for me. i need fancy people like my wife and daughter.

my uncle and aunt are big democrats. she is driving a prius and they are part of the local democrat club. apparently she made him feel guilty for having an m5. i guess gas guzzling and more than needed type stuff.

its her account but it has all the privacy settings and my wife runs it. i think its going to be great turning it over to her and she can have all her pictures from being born through adulthood there (if facebook is still around). i also enjoy going over there and being able to see the pics and videos whenever i want. its great for me.
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Old 04-25-2011, 01:23 PM
 
Location: West Orange, NJ
12,542 posts, read 17,816,948 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CaptainNJ View Post
jenkinsons is a place at point pleasant beach. they have a boardwalk, aqaurium, arcades, rides, etc. they were having some kind of parade there so we went. it turned out to be a little parade of dressed up kids on the boardwalk. i thought it was going to be in the street with cars, trucks, other thingies. but the crowd was too mixed for me. i need fancy people like my wife and daughter.

my uncle and aunt are big democrats. she is driving a prius and they are part of the local democrat club. apparently she made him feel guilty for having an m5. i guess gas guzzling and more than needed type stuff.

its her account but it has all the privacy settings and my wife runs it. i think its going to be great turning it over to her and she can have all her pictures from being born through adulthood there (if facebook is still around). i also enjoy going over there and being able to see the pics and videos whenever i want. its great for me.
eh. i don't know that being a democrat needs to mean being anti-sports cars. i did just look up the city/highway though and realize...i wouldn't enjoy driving that regularly. lol. the new mustang GT gets much better mileage, but it's less useful. oh well. someday, i'll have my fun car. it won't be a daily driver though. and yes, it will be more than needed. but if i went through life buying only what i needed, i'd have a gigantic savings account already and i'm not even 30.
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