How do I stop more STUFF coming in on kids' birthdays? Any idea for some truly useful gift? (best, old)

[syracusa]

So another Birthday on the horizon...happy time.

However: I am SO, SO tired of all the toys in the house, of having to pick them up all the time (yes, yes, I have the kids pick up their own toys but it is not that simple because they still spread them all over the house after that, and they can't always do a spotless job, and then they do it again... and I still have to work at it myself, at least a good part of it, no matter how I twist it).

The thought of more toys coming in makes me cringe.

My two children (4 and 6) have significantly fewer toys compared to ALL children we know, personally. We don't have a finished basement and I have always tried to keep the amount of toys available at one time under control.

However, as someone who grew up with a grand total of 3 toys (which increased to 7 in 3rd grade) they still seem like A LOT to me.
I try to rotate them but they constantly go to the storage area in the back of the garage and get more out of there and before I know it their play room is full of toys again - most of them lying everywhere, taking up space and acting as a huge disincentive for them to play at all - despite all the crap available!!!

I am a firm believer in the idea that lots of stuff (lots of material crap of any sort) literally sucks the spirit out of you, including out of children who never learn how to play with their little fellow humans as they are too busy checking out the STUFF.

I hate clutter with a passion...and we personally have made a point throughout the years of not buying lots of toys to these kids. At the same time, we've had our share of sins, adding to the collection here and there, usually by buying some kind of "educational" thing, God Forbid should jr miss the opportunity to increase his IQ (yes, that's self-directed sarcasm).

However, they still receive quite a few toys from family and friends on Holidays and Birthdays.

I've come to a point where I want to tell everyone to just NOT bring any more presents because I don't feel like this is in the best interest of these kids. They seem more insatiable about stuff as the years go by. Of course, the children would be very disappointed to see nobody brought them anything, and regardless, people will still bring something.

Trouble is most people will spend 20 dollars or so on some plastic thing that will be forgotten in a corner tomorrow and which will continue to exasperate me by adding to the clutter, by teaching them about useless consumption, by constantly exposing them to something new - then easily disposable.

Since people insist on paying for a gift anyway, I wish I could tell them to just bring cash for their 529-s or whatever...but this would obviously be both very rude/uncooth as well as disappointing for the kids who could not give a flying pee about what a 529 is .

In fact, my husband's brother even said that he hates to gift money and he insists on bringing actual presents. He is a very generous gift giver but he wants to give STUFF, not money. He asked us about ideas for gifts (what the girl needs) but I honestly think that the only thing this girl needs is more money in her 529 and a decreased desire for new stuff.

So what should I do? Is it even appropriate to suggest ANYTHING to the guests? Any ideas for some gifts that would be truly useful and would not just scream useless consumption?

Thank you for any suggestions.

[abrokegal]

Giving gifts makes many people feel good, so if they enjoy doing it, then let them, and then accept the gift graciously. Rejecting gifts or requesting they not bring gifts might be more trouble than it's worth and cause some angry feelings.

Phase out some of the older toys with the newer ones.

You can also teach your kids to "junk out" beginning at a young age. My mother made my sister and I sit down a couple times a year and get rid of things we hadn't used in a few months, didn't want anymore, or had outgrown. Of course she always donated them and told us they would go to children who weren't as well-off.

As for your brother-in-law, since he asked for an idea, why not suggest that he take her out to the movies or something else fun for her birthday? No clutter involved...

[Tallysmom]

At birthdays and holidays where more stuff comes into the house, have your children pick out from their toys the stuff they are willing to donate to where ever used toys go -- you might have to call around to find places -- the obvious Salvation Army/Goodwill aer no longer taking used toys.

[adventuregurl]

Originally Posted by Tallysmom

donate to where ever used toys go

Women's shelters are a great place to donate them to - it will also teach the children some good practices.

[Ohiogirl81]

I can't believe any parent would deny their children the pleasure of receiving gifts on their birthdays. That's just plain cruel.

Try to live in the moment, for heaven's sake. Kids like to play. They like to play with toys.

Do you ever play with those toys with your children? Surely you must know how much they enjoy them.

No doubt there are plenty of emergency shelters, day care centers in low-income neighborhoods and other kids' organizations that would love to have some new toys for their children to play with. Why not ask your kids to pick out three or four toys each so that less fortunate children can enjoy them?

[FL2MT]

I'd echo the suggestion to find a women's shelter or homeless shelter and slowly 'phase out' those toys to places like that. We usually think of homeless shelters as places for homeless men or women, but quite a few of them have families staying there as well.

[theatergypsy]

I agree it's hard to ask people not to bring gifts. And it isn't fair to the children. But when people ask for ideas, you need to speak up.

1. Books. I think it's never too early to interest a child in sitting with a book and being read to and eventually learning to enjoy reading themselves.

2. Movie tickets. It's pretty expensive these days to take kids to see a show.

3. "Mary wears size 4 and Betsy wears size 8. They both love shorts and tank tops."

4. You can never have too many art supplies. Drawing paper, construction paper, markers. I have a granddaughter who just loved to do "arts and craps".

5. How about a CD of a favorite movie?

6. Amusement park tickets.

I know most family members call my dtr in law and ask for ideas. You probably know from past experience the approximate budget of most of the gift-givers.

You can't do too much when it's a party for little friends. If the parents don't ask, you need to accept whatever they give. HTH

[manderly6]

What happens to the gifts once they are given to you is 100% under your control. Keep them all. Donate some. Throw some away. All those options are available to you.

[zugor]

I'm active in a humane society and we've been seeing a growing trend toward asking for "gifts" that will be donated to our animal rescue group - such as dog and cat toys, treats, pet food, collars and leashes, etc.

Maybe that would be an option.

[Tallysmom]

Originally Posted by Ohiogirl81

I can't believe any parent would deny their children the pleasure of receiving gifts on their birthdays. That's just plain cruel.

Try to live in the moment, for heaven's sake. Kids like to play. They like to play with toys.

Do you ever play with those toys with your children? Surely you must know how much they enjoy them.

No doubt there are plenty of emergency shelters, day care centers in low-income neighborhoods and other kids' organizations that would love to have some new toys for their children to play with. Why not ask your kids to pick out three or four toys each so that less fortunate children can enjoy them?

I don't have kids, but I have known many kids that are just overwhelmed with stuff. It's too much for them. And going from one toy to another to another never really forces them to use their imagination to repurpose the toys.