frugal husband married to wife with expensive taste (sell, value, sale)

[CaptainNJ]

my wife is spending addict. not so much with brand name food, but with clothes, shoes, etc. the way we deal with it is that she has a budget that she can spend on whatever she wants, i dont care what it is. as long as she stays in the budget, she can buy a $500 booger picker for all i care. you need to get on the same page.

[kelsie]

OP I think that you have gotten a lot of good advice from all the posters here, but I also have to ask you, are you asking a specific question to us about your wife or are you just venting? I can fully understand the frustration for both of you. That being said, do the two of sit and go over all of the things that are bothering each of you? Communication & honesty at 100% between the two of you is essential for the health, well being and longevity of your marriage. You are young and married a short time, if you don't have you need a strict budget, so she sees where all the money is being spent. It seems that your wife's Disability is making her depressed, buying packaged oatmeal and bottled water is not IMO a spendthrift, there are hidden issues here which the two of you should focus on, get some outside help if possible.
Off Topic I always worked out of the home and was very self sufficient, we moved out of State with the condition that I was not going back to work full time. I do not have expensive habits, hardly buy clothes for myself, do not keep up with the latest trends etc. However, I have, and always will use the best skin care products, that range from $30-$100 (last 6 mos.), I am a Licensed Hair Dresser & pay $85.00 + 20% tip every 6 wks. for my hair to be taken care of, & when our dog came down with a Virus 4 yrs. ago from tap water she only gets bottled water. We go out to eat inexpensively a few times a week, never going over $40.00, I cook all our meals from scratch. It balances out. Every thing is relative and each life is different, but the most important thing is for the two of you to rationally discuss what is really going on in your lives.

Good luck to you both. kelsie

[GoldyViolet]

OP, I feel for you - she sounds exactly like a friend I have, and this friend drives me crazy just listening to all her "adventures" mis-managing her money and impulse buying. Yup, she's even declared bankruptcy as well. Best of luck to you - you guys really gotta work out a budget. The secret bank account she has (or had) is a huge red flag, that's just downright devious. I would definitely take her to a financial advisor and set up a plan, make sure she's on board and not doing anything more secretly. That's a huge problem right there.

[bradykp]

Originally Posted by sailordave

By my standards, she has expensive taste. I use a Brita water pitcher for my home drinking water while my wife insist on a 24 pack of bottled water (brand name). I use Quaker Old Fashion Oats while she uses instant packets. When I drink soda, I drink Sam's Choice Dr. Thunder while she drinks name brand soda. I wear my clothes until they either don't fit or begin to fall apart. She has a love affair with women's PJs and seems to buy new ones once or twice a month. Though I consider myself frugal, I am willing to spend more to save money in the long run like for furniture, appliances (like clothes washer/dryer), TV, and my surround sound system. We got Lazy Boy furniture, Maytag clothes washer/dryer, LED HDTV (name brand on sale of course), and a name brand surround sound system (clearance, floor model, 50% off). We also spent more to get Select Comfort beds (wife has spinal problems). I try to pick my battles when it comes to her spending. She isn't out of control and does limit her purchases, though not as much as I would like. If it were up to me, I'd drop DirecTV (though I love certain channels), internet, and our cell phones. That would save us at least $300 a month. With our TV antennas, we get 18 channels. Local public libraries offer internet access an hour at a time in addition to books and movies. However, she has spinal problems that are getting worse so there are several days a week she can't leave the home so DirecTV, internet, and cell phone are her entertainment. She wanted an iPhone, but waited until the iPhone 4 came out before we got the 3S. She's hoping the iPhone 4 is still in the store in January when we can upgrade our phone so we can get a better deal on the new phone.

compromises are in order. here's what i recommend:

what does she like about bottled water? show her how much a gallon bottled water costs (the way she is currently purchasing it), and compare that to a gallon of gas.

Some people don't like the real oats. those instant ones are loaded with garbage though....try sprucing up the way you make your real oats and maybe you win her over.

brand soda? people like brand stuff - does she look for it on sale? i wouldn't go crazy over that one.

internet, i dunno...that's kinda a given for most people. i can see cancelling directTV though...cable is just getting insanely expensive.

it doesn't sound too bad, though the bottled water thing would drive me nuts!

[CaptainNJ]

Originally Posted by bradykp

Some people don't like the real oats. those instant ones are loaded with garbage though

loaded with garbage? its just sugar, which is what most people add themselves anyway. i buy my oats at costco, 10lb box of quaker oats for about 78 cents a pound. its a lot more expensive in the supermarket. next best deal (especially if you dont want 10lbs) is at aldi, about the same price per lb.

my wife asked me to pick up some coke for her, i got her kirkland cola at costco. she complained but in the end it tastes the same and she didnt complain anymore. the same thing for sprite, i got her aldi "sprite", it tastes just as yummy.

[Tober138]

So is there an actual question being posed by the OP?

Also...I am failing to see where the wife has "expensive tastes."

[Dollydo]

You knew she had spending issues before you married her, so what is your problem? Either put her on a budget or move on with your life...this isn't brain surgery. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

[germaine2626]

Originally Posted by CFoulke

If your idea of expensive taste is a person preferring brand name products over generic products - you are past what I would call "frugal" and go directly into tightwad. In one of your posts, you said that she was working full time with overtime prior to your marriage, and was living in a shack with her father. After all of that she probably feels a bit entitled to have a few niceties that make her feel better as a person - you can get really tired of living a life of drudgery with nothing to look forward to except more of the same. I think you are being unfair to begrudge her the pleasure of having a few "luxuries" that make her feel better - emotionally and mentally. If she is no longer able to work due to her spinal problems - would she be eligible for SSI disability - the extra $ would offset what she spends on her "luxuries". If you love this woman and she is a good and loving wife, I personally think you need to overcome your itemizing of every thing she buys and accept who she is. It could be so much worse than just buying name brand cereal or bottled waters - and I suspect there is more going on here than just money issues. Maybe she's depressed - if she is in pain and unable to do the things she used to do, it can affect other aspects of your life. I would just encourage you to be honest with each other, love her unconditionally, step back and take a look at the bigger picture, and realize that we're only here for a short while. It is important to make the most of that time. Good luck....

I was thinking both of those things. Good luck to you.

[gentlearts]

So, it seems like both of your needs are very meager. When you talk about what is bothering you, does your wife HEAR you? Perhaps this is just a case of different things being important to each of you.
She has had to scrape for things, and you work hard for what you have. Talk about what you have a problem with her buying. She is hungry for the things that make her feel secure. This hunger is, most probably, not satisfied with things, so it is therefore insatiable. If you really dig deep, you might be able to narrow down what she really needs to feel secure and what she can let go of.

[elnina]

^^^^^ THIS!!!
and to Tober 138:

Also...I am failing to see where the wife has "expensive tastes."

It's not about the amount in dollars, its about a taste too expensive for the household budget.