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Secretly I'm attracted to 'Frugal' women. It is one of my biggest turn-ons, to find a smart money-minded female who knows the value of a dollar, who likes to use coupons, buys clothes only when they are on sale, only likes to eat out when there's a coupon or a special going on, and only vacations when there's a deal out there.
Of course I would never reveal this to anyone I'm dating otherwise I would be kicked to the curb but I do so want to find a frugal partner!
How important is the frugal trait in a relationship for you?
Oh, brother. I would have found you someone (as nice as you are) totally impossible. I am lucky because my husband and I are careful yet not cheap. We never argue, not once in close to 20 years, about money.
How funny you gave those examples, because in my marriage now (I am married now to a woman), it's more like the stuff you mentioned. She never had a "pot to pee in" (as my Grandma would say) growing up so when we have money she just wants to go wild. I understand the temptation but she has learned how to find a balance between a small "treat" and blowing every extra penny. It was much worse when we first got together (a decade ago). I could see where she picked up the behaviors though; her mother lived paycheck to paycheck but she didn't need to.. she just spent every single penny, figuring she'd get a check next week anyway, and when she lost her long term job unexpectedly she had NO savings and couldn't pay her rent. When my wife was a kid though, her mother didn't work at all and they never had anything aside from what they got in food stamps.
Some people are willing to change, I guess, and some aren't. I am not some sort of saint with money but I see myself as somewhere in the middle, with regard to attitude, between my 1st spouse and my 2nd.
My ex husband is now in his early 50s and living off of his parents. He doesn't live with them, because that would be "embarrassing" for them, but he lives in an apartment that they pay for and he has still never had to really cut back or adapt to a different lifestyle. Every family handles money differently, but in his family, any problems are "handled" by throwing money at the issue which explains why they 'handle' his issues this way I guess.
I don't think that marriage problems are about money. That's a cover for just flat out personality clashes. You have to really know what you want. You also have to be a not-selfish person to have a successful marriage. You think of WE and not me me me.
I think that having a spouse who shares the same view makes life much easier. My wife and I are both frugal. We met each other in college. We are so compatible when it comes to money that we have a joint account since we first started dating. We don't care for jewelries, fancy cars or clothes. We live modestly and save half of our income despite working in jobs that don't pay so well.
I don't know. I think that it is bad news if being frugal is #1 on the list, or #2 or 3. Just expect your spouse to not be a spend thrift, that's all.
A lot of the people I read on this frugal section seem to be nut jobs.
It's absolutely wonderful to have a financially sensible partner.
Of course, any time you share the same values, your relationship tends to be a bit easier and stronger.
My brother's ex wife was frugal - but perhaps too frugal. Like there were definitely times she made her life a lot harder than it had to be just to save a few bucks. There needs to not be extremism.
I don't think that marriage problems are about money. That's a cover for just flat out personality clashes. You have to really know what you want. You also have to be a not-selfish person to have a successful marriage. You think of WE and not me me me.
Problems with handling money are usually a symptom of other issues.
I don't know. I think that it is bad news if being frugal is #1 on the list, or #2 or 3. Just expect your spouse to not be a spend thrift, that's all.
A lot of the people I read on this frugal section seem to be nut jobs.
That's YOUR value system. I'm not necessarily knocking it. But everyone has different values and priorities. Some people want to become financially independent so they won't become stuck working in some soulless corporate job until they're 60 or 65 (and often they're discarded like used tissues from Corporate America long before they hit age 60). That means they have to give up a lot of other things in order to achieve that. If you are going to marry someone, you have to be clear about your values and priorities up front. For you, that means "not being a spendthrift". But even that is a very vague term that means different things to different people.
Problems with handling money are usually a symptom of other issues.
I totally agree. I get frustrated when the focus is on a couple's "conflicts over spending" because I know it is not the issue at all.
A marriage is based on trust, respect, effortless self sacrifice (an oxymoron except when you are living it and know it to be true), a shared meaning of life, etc.
That's YOUR value system. I'm not necessarily knocking it. But everyone has different values and priorities. Some people want to become financially independent so they won't become stuck working in some soulless corporate job until they're 60 or 65 (and often they're discarded like used tissues from Corporate America long before they hit age 60). That means they have to give up a lot of other things in order to achieve that. If you are going to marry someone, you have to be clear about your values and priorities up front. For you, that means "not being a spendthrift". But even that is a very vague term that means different things to different people.
Read this post: This is the thing you need to think about, not money issues:
Originally Posted by mysticaltyger
<<Problems with handling money are usually a symptom of other issues.>>
Frankly, I get scared when I read posts like yours. I am assuming that you are a very nice person. However, the need to even THINK about what you are writing is really worrisome.
Forget about the obsessing about who is frugal and whom one will marry based on that. Think instead about who is a caring, responsible, intelligent person with moral integrity and a personality one just clicks with. For starters. Don't even think of the money part. If they are responsible and intelligent, they will use money correctly and plan for the future in a fairly relaxed manner.
Forget about the obsessing about who is frugal and whom one will marry based on that. Think instead about who is a caring, responsible, intelligent person with moral integrity and a personality one just clicks with. For starters. Don't even think of the money part. If they are responsible and intelligent, they will use money correctly and plan for the future in a fairly relaxed manner.
Speaking as a happily married older person.
Sorry, but life is not that simple in my experience. There are a lot of really good people who are bad with money. I lived it first hand. I have an ex who was sexually abused as a child and this very much affected his self esteem and the way he handled money. He was/is the type of person to go the extra mile for other people while neglecting himself. Unfortunately, because of self neglect, he prematurely ruined his health and he's now in his early 60s and struggling financially because he never saved. Some people he tried to help but they never changed. Others he helped turn their lives around at great personal cost. Was he irresponsible? Sometimes. But other times he really walked the talk...a perfect example of what all the world's major religions teach. So he was both extremes all rolled into one. I couldn't handle the extremes.
There are also lots of nice people who have different priorities in life. Like I said, some folks would rather skip having kids and saving 1/3 or more of their incomes so they can get out of the rat race by age 50 or sooner. Others want children and are willing to work more and save less to accomplish that. Both fall within the range of "responsible" but they are still very different goals and priorities.
Also, in my experience, there are not that many people who "use money correctly and plan for the future in a fairly relaxed manner" and the statistics on the % of people who could survive above the poverty level without Social Security by retirement age pretty much bears that out.
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