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I wonder. Which side is looking down on which? It often appears to me that those who consider themselves "frugal" often also consider themselves better than those they think are not frugal. This thread is full of those who judge others by their purchases. Kind of like the folks who are proud of how humble they are. Why do you care if someone else lives in a Mcmansion or not? It's their life.
Personally, I don't care what others buy, but it is interesting to watch some people that seem to be on an endless cycle of work, buy, work, buy, work more, buy more. I think the philosophical underpinning of a frugal lifestyle is to try and separate happiness from spending a lot. This philosophical split between the frugal and non-frugal is bound to create a divide that has people looking down on each other in some way. In a perfect world the frugal person lives without giving a thought about others - however, our society/media is skewed toward possessions/wealth = success/importance/value/meaning. Therefore, the frugal person may have to overcompensate/self-persuade by saying "SEE I'm happy despite not having this, that or the other like you have".
Oh, when I'm feeling the pressure I let it be known that I'm just as well-off as they are. I just do it in my own way...
When people start talking about their home improvement projects and ask if we've done any ourselves I respond, "our priority is paying off the mortgage, which we're set to do in about 3 years".
When people comment on how great Dave Ramsey is and if I've read his books I respond, "I've given them a glance, but we've never had consumer debt and invest 40% already so there's just not much there for me to walk away with, you know what I mean? But they're absolutely great for some people."
If they talk about some lame mommy money blog or coupon websites I might mention my favorite blogs/websites like Mr.MoneyMoustache, Frugalwoods and Bogleheads with extra kick: "it's so nice to find other like-minded and serious investors with similar situations to learn from".
I'm a smug little brat sometimes.
Except you were the one writing a blog post on how awful frugalwoods was and putting her down! (disrespectful then took post down when called on it.) Whatever.... if going to be smug in your words realize what you said and did before.
I will await the attack as always. Just pointing out. It won't bother me, as I am only pointing out the hypocritical part. I never have to show off, be smug or better then thou, nor attack someone pointing a fault as I am secure in who I am. Glad you love reading the blog now. Do you still put her down endlessly? Just wondering, why some say I could do better, and don't like but read to pick. I guess just time is valuable to me, and if I don't like something I move on.
People -- ALL people -- who feel the need to tear down others for lifestyles not like their own are doing so because they feel very insecure in their choices and find approbation on their choices by seeing others do the same, and feel any choices not like theirs are an extreme threat or attack on their choices.
So, you not spending spending spending like they do isn't a choice you make, it's an attack on them.
Which is really dumb, but there you go. A lot of people see things very politically now.
When I have people start in on this, I remind them I have four thousand dollar sewing machine. Let's them know I do spend, but on different things.
People -- ALL people -- who feel the need to tear down others for lifestyles not like their own are doing so because they feel very insecure in their choices and find approbation on their choices by seeing others do the same, and feel any choices not like theirs are an extreme threat or attack on their choices.
So, you not spending spending spending like they do isn't a choice you make, it's an attack on them.
Which is really dumb, but there you go. A lot of people see things very politically now.
When I have people start in on this, I remind them I have four thousand dollar sewing machine. Let's them know I do spend, but on different things.
Smiling so huge right now. Yes we all have different needs, lives, perspectives and what works. I LOVE that you have such a great sewing machine. Oh my that is one of my weaknesses ....LOL sewing machines, goodness I have too many. I have lots of vintage ones but do love the more expensive, just don't sew as well or much to need one that level... yet...hehe
Enjoy your sewing, and I admire you for it. I won't ask what one as I don't want to tempt myself...lol
My extended family however is pretty showy -- McMansions as soon as they get their first professional job; luxury cars; won't wear a shirt unless it has an obvious brand visible (so they won't wear Banana Republic bc there's no logo but will wear Polo everything); will point out what brand of watch or purse they're wearing. I'm just not like this, and I feel like they think it's bc I can't afford this stuff (I can) and they take a "she's a big city lawyer, I guess they don't do as well as I thought" tone sometimes and justify how their jobs/lifestyle are so much more "successful" than mine.
I feel these kind of folks have a huge chip on their shoulder. (Especially about obvious brands). Their self esteem is based on their perceived wealth. Such a sad state.
I'm not necessarily the most frugal person ever, but I am frugal for my income level. I indulge in certain things, but try to keep my monthly (recurring) bills down -- so I'll keep a car but it's a regular, non luxury car; I have a smart phone but with the smallest data plan available which means by the end of the month I'm making sure I don't exceed the plan; I live in a nice apartment but not the nicest/most expensive in my area; I tend to mostly grocery shop for what's on sale in any given week.
I'm not necessarily doing these things because I have to -- I'm doing them because it makes good sense and because I think it's smart to save whenever you can.
My extended family however is pretty showy -- McMansions as soon as they get their first professional job; luxury cars; won't wear a shirt unless it has an obvious brand visible (so they won't wear Banana Republic bc there's no logo but will wear Polo everything); will point out what brand of watch or purse they're wearing. I'm just not like this, and I feel like they think it's bc I can't afford this stuff (I can) and they take a "she's a big city lawyer, I guess they don't do as well as I thought" tone sometimes and justify how their jobs/lifestyle are so much more "successful" than mine.
I don't believe in wasting money or in showing your money to people. But part of me wants to scream -- I can afford the same stuff, it's no big deal AND you live in Dallas/North Carolina/Georgia and have a McMansion, that's great but I live in NYC and DC which is a bit different cost of living. But then I don't want to justify myself and my worth either bc it isn't their business. Ever feel this way?
Yup, definitely- especially in an environment where individuals tend to think possessions determine the value of a human being. And this includes poor people as well as wealthier.
I have a basic phone, converter box for t.v., smoke generic cigarettes, etc., and have heard remarks to the tune of I must be a lot poorer than they realize, and/or it must be some kind of 'self-esteem' thing that I don't think I 'deserve' better, and/or that I'm old-fashioned and don't want more modern stuff.
I've been frugal since long before it became popular- I just think being wasteful is a negative thing and unnecessary.
I think frugality goes along a spectrum. Where everyone falls in that spectrum is different, but I've never known someone to never negotiate a lower price for anything.
So what helps put things in perspective for me is what a comedian once pointed out:
'Did you ever notice that everyone driving faster than you is a maniac, and everyone that drives slower is a moron?'
Same thing for frugality. For some people, everyone that saves more is a cheapskate, everyone that saves less is a reckless spender. Sure, some people envy others that can either save more or spend more, but as long as you're optimizing YOUR situation, that's what really counts. Who cares about what everyone else thinks? There's no way they have the total picture.
I don't like to see people blowing money and then complaining about not having any. I think non-spenders can also sometimes come off as being cheap even if that really isn't the intended consequence.
I had a birthday party for one of my kids at a local bowling alley. We had been one time and the place was clean and well maintained so I had my child's birthday party there. There were a variety of birthday packages at a $/child. I chose the $10 package. It allowed us to bowl two games and included soft drinks and allowed me to bring in an outside birthday cake. I also had put together some gift bags with mechanical pencils, glow sticks and a few other things I thought the kids would like. I got pulled aside and quizzed by a dad who wanted to know why the kids were not served pizza and put in a special room. We had never been to a birthday party there. Honestly, it never occurred to me that extras were expected. There was also an attached game arcade. I generally don't allow my kids to go play in those type of places. It wasn't a part of any of the packages that I saw. Apparently, I was also expected to provide that by this parent. I wasn't trying to be cheap. It made me realize why some parents will not invite every child in the class.
Yes, we had that happen one time too. I just decided sleepovers were cheaper and less hassle. Just invite a few close girlfriends over and let them play. I get pizza and prizes and it's about 100$ or less. The bouncy place was 300$-650.
Yes, we had that happen one time too. I just decided sleepovers were cheaper and less hassle. Just invite a few close girlfriends over and let them play. I get pizza and prizes and it's about 100$ or less. The bouncy place was 300$-650.
Bouncy castle parties weren't the standard when I was growing up, so my kids won't have them either. Spoiling kids rotten only slingshots them into Overspending Land.
I've watched parents of other children in the daycare talk about taking away their toddler's iPad if they don't start behaving. Talk about starting them off on the wrong foot! I've watched my daughter have just as much fun with a 99 cent finger puppet monster.
Where do people get this idea that the more you spend on your children, the more fun they have? I think there's a very steep drop off in that equation, but many of those parents don't see it.
I've seen people live at, or above their income level then an economic shift happens and they are not prepared and their word crashes around them. You don't have to advertise your growing fortunes, in fact discretion is recommended. Don't worry what others think. They are average consumers looking to display their "success". You already demonstrated tactical planning thoughts for the future, go with it.
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Except you were the one writing a blog post on how awful frugalwoods was and putting her down! (disrespectful then took post down when called on it.) Whatever.... if going to be smug in your words realize what you said and did before. 
