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Old 12-26-2015, 04:06 PM
 
Location: Columbia SC
8,015 posts, read 6,791,941 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MerciChoi View Post
I think it is sad how many measure success by the amount of money someone has or makes..
Or by their title/job description.
To me, Success means being a decent person, a good citizen and being kind.
Also helping others, and contributing to others lives...
I agree, but also having money and success makes it easier to do such. Money is not the root of evil.
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Old 12-26-2015, 04:31 PM
 
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it seems more like "lack of money is the root of all evil "
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Old 12-26-2015, 06:15 PM
 
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For me it's all about state of mind. It's never been, for any of us, about comparing ourselves to other people to see how well we're doing. There will always be someone better and someone worse. It just took me a while to figure that out.

I learned a lot about that reading the works of Corrie TenBoom and Elie Wiesel and the philosophy which came out of the Holocaust. It's like - looking at the big picture - if you aren't dead yet then you have had enough. That's nearly an unspeakable concept in the land of plenty where we should all have more, I guess.

I wouldn't call myself a dreamer but I will admit to having lofty goals for myself. There are a few of us around. It's built into my personality type so I might as well not fight it and let it work for me. I say, "If it's going to rain on my parade I can be wet and miserable or I can be wet and deal. Because either way I'm gonna be wet."

The question is "Am I doing the best I can and has it provided me with satisfaction?" If not then I have to make some changes.

I'm not poor now but there were two periods in my life when I was at the ketchup and sketty stage and there's been a great deal of satisfaction from the fact that I survived, thrived and pulled myself out of there. So even those times weren't wasted.

Looks like we all have different ways of thinking about it. That's mine.
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Old 12-26-2015, 08:17 PM
 
491 posts, read 574,348 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lodestar View Post
For me it's all about state of mind. It's never been, for any of us, about comparing ourselves to other people to see how well we're doing. There will always be someone better and someone worse. It just took me a while to figure that out.

I learned a lot about that reading the works of Corrie TenBoom and Elie Wiesel and the philosophy which came out of the Holocaust. It's like - looking at the big picture - if you aren't dead yet then you have had enough. That's nearly an unspeakable concept in the land of plenty where we should all have more, I guess.

I wouldn't call myself a dreamer but I will admit to having lofty goals for myself. There are a few of us around. It's built into my personality type so I might as well not fight it and let it work for me. I say, "If it's going to rain on my parade I can be wet and miserable or I can be wet and deal. Because either way I'm gonna be wet."

The question is "Am I doing the best I can and has it provided me with satisfaction?" If not then I have to make some changes.

I'm not poor now but there were two periods in my life when I was at the ketchup and sketty stage and there's been a great deal of satisfaction from the fact that I survived, thrived and pulled myself out of there. So even those times weren't wasted.

Looks like we all have different ways of thinking about it. That's mine.
Very well said. I have decided for my life, a little below average is good enough.

I find it interesting that whenever this topic is brought up, those of us who have less are always called miserable. I think there is a huge difference between being destitute and having no choices at all(which probably is seldom a 1st world problem) and being rich. Most of us have choices, but there is some limit on those choices . And there is most certainly other forms of riches that aren't money.

So, I better get back to my miserable life...not.
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Old 12-27-2015, 04:10 AM
 
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usually when this topic comes up anyone with more than someone feels they need is greedy and money hungry while anyone with less then they have didn't try in life hard enough to be financially successful .

i set goals in my life to exceed just being average . i always wanted to live better in retirement then we did raising a family and saving . that was to be our reward .

Last edited by mathjak107; 12-27-2015 at 04:51 AM..
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Old 12-27-2015, 04:24 AM
 
Location: R.I.
887 posts, read 530,039 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MerciChoi View Post
I think it is sad how many measure success by the amount of money someone has or makes..
Or by their title/job description.
To me, Success means being a decent person, a good citizen and being kind.
Also helping others, and contributing to others lives...
When I was in nursing school 40+ years ago I was doing part of my pediatric clinical experience at a hospital for severely developmentally delayed physically handicapped children. On the first day of my clinical rotation at this hospital as I entered the ward I was assigned to I noticed there was a party going on. I asked one of the staff what was the reason for the party. I was informed that this party was in honor of a child who was profoundly handicapped and after 5 long years of difficult therapy he was finally able to brush his own teeth. At this party was an older woman who was very attentive to this child and at first I thought she may be his grandmother. I later learned that this woman was the wealthy benefactor who donated the funds to build this state of the art ward for these children so they would have all they needed to have the best possible lives since many would live out their lives in this facility. This woman was a decent person, a good and kind citizen, and because she also had monetary wealth she was able to significantly enhance the lives of these children.

If the successful wealthy individuals like Oprah, Bill Gates, etc., decided to withhold their funding extended to the many charitable organization they support I can't imagine the negative impact this would create in the lives of the unfortunate many who rely on this support to survive and thrive. IMO, being poor by choice and not circumstance is just as sad as being miser.
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Old 12-27-2015, 05:22 AM
 
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unless you are really really wealthy a nursing facility here in the tristate area is 120 to 140k a year .

even with some assets to pay , how long can the typical family support a spouse in a home while they themselves need money to live ? not long at all .

the other issue is just the reality of life .

when you are footing the bill with your own assets the stay at home spouse usually panics and goes in to survival mode fearing they themselves will not have enough to live .

at that point the spouse in the home is likely to be the one to have corners cut . treatments , rehab , or even moved to a cheaper home is a very good possibility .
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Old 12-27-2015, 06:29 AM
 
3,528 posts, read 2,019,883 times
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MAny here have jumped on the OP. I am positive I do some jumping on too.

Isn't the idea of two opposing views grand?

hmmmm...

Happiness and wealth are relative.

Money doesn't buy happiness, and may not even go a long towards getting it! Money doesn't equate to happiness, however, security goes a long way. Security of the basics: of shelter, security of food and security of health care. To many concentrate on what they don't have, or gloat on what they do have, that the meaning of happiness gets lost on them. Money may give you "more choices", but not having money doesn't mean having NO choices, just that the choices are different.

I/we am/are of the lower echelons of income variety, but we can pay our bills, have just bought anew house, and have something in the bank. In fact this year we won't quite make what we did last year, and last year a full 52% of our gross income went for medical costs/expenses.

I have a friend {and wife} whose income is twice what ours is, never has any money, gets services shut off routinely, was booted from their old house for lack of mortgage payments, can't manage the money they do have, make bad choices involving money/resources, have bad credit ratings and pay high interest rates or rent-to own at the equivalent of 50% interest{expensive way to go}, and are all around miserable! Any help I have offered to get their finances back on track has fallen on deaf ears and they quickly revert to the old ways, often saying "we deserve to eat out", or "we deserve a new car",or 'we deserve to eat prime sirloin steak instead of hamburger". Then when things go wrong or bad she says "I didn't sign up for this" {do any of us?}.They have an adult "problem child" {mother often steps in to pay his bills with their money}, the child, whose bills they often pay as he squanders his money, and the parents {our friend}have offered to manage it for him.HA. HA. They can't manage theirs, and don't have two pennies to rub together to even get caught up on their bills. Their credit rating is in the toilet. He is jealous we bought the new house, when they couldn't hold on to their old house! He is helping us move, and always asks for gas money I send him on his way with a full tank, and am giving him a nice generous "tip" to boot, but I am sure within a month or less it will be gone. Squandered at the restaurant or to pay the adult on-his-own child's bills or something. I am even helping him open a new savings account he wants as a "secret savings account" with the tip as a handsome deposit to start it off. But they won't save it, they will drain it then complain about lack of money to us.They are miserable at twice the income and half the success, and we are very happy/greatful for what we have managed to accomplish at half the income, and twice the success.

My health is not so good, and deteriorates each year. MOH had a surgery last year with a high deductible plan and I, too, had surgery this past March, and am facing two more this year {20016 since we are about out of 2015}. MOH is facing another possible surgery this year too {2016}.

I have always given back, especially where I graciously received in the past. I have volunteered at the food pantries I received from, and at the hospital. I have donated food and/or what little {or lot} was left in the check book at the end of the month after all our bills and savings were paid to whatever military adjunct support group there is we choose to donate to.

I have found if you GIVE to the universe, it GIVES back to you, often when you least expect it and need it the most, and provides you with what you NEED, not what you want! Even when you don't realize it.

Though my body is deteriorating/degenerating rapidly and causing me lots of pain, I try NOT to take it out on, or take it to others {except the Drs and specialists naturally}. Some things they can "fix" through therapies or surgeries, others I have to learn to live with. Through all this, I still "have a very positive outlook and upbeat personality" I am often told.
I was clinically dead for a long period of time and brought back through CPR and by shocking my heart 3 different times until it beat once again on its own. SOme apparent mental capacities seem limited and deficient now, whereas not before. {PLease DON'T ask me what I experienced, as I don't want to confirm or deny or disrupt or prove anyone's else's preconceived perceptions, beliefs or ideals of "what happens when we die"}. I have been there, done that, and not afraid to do it again, as I may not have a choice the next time-it may become permanent then. SO, I am already living on "borrowed time".

I am also bipolar, It can be hard to manage, and the{expensive} medication co-pays are exorbitant, and in winter especially major depression can be a major enemy to conquer, but with the help of meds that actually work, I do well. Most don't even know I am on meds or bipolar and it seems to others that "I have it all together". Ha Ha. If I DO have it all together, I forget where I put it.

Being that just 17 years ago I was down and out, in serious medical trouble, virtually monetarily, physically and mentally bankrupt and homeless, sleeping on friend's couches as family/relatives would not help me out, and eating only what the pantries provided; I am very pleased to be where I am today. I have a wonderful spouse {MOH} who helps take care of me, puts up with my foibles, and I return the favor and do take care of my other half {MOH}in ways I can. We are help-meets to each other. It took a lot of years of living to find MOH,anfd MOH to find me{finding each other later in life}, but now we are together to face whatever life has in store for the rest of it, be it long or short, rich or poor.

I have started COMPLETELY over 3 times in my life, even to having to regain/replace the important documents needed to prove who I am {try it sometime, its not as easy as it sounds!}. I am used to having nothing, or working hard to have a little something and be self-sufficient, something some wealthy/privileged folks AREN'T, or have never done. They wouldn't know how to run the vacuum if they ever lost their maid, wouldn't know how to open a can of beans without their cook, and couldn't figure out a weed whacker if the lawn guy was gone and the grass and weeds were overgrowing the house!

So, I am lower income compared to middle income, have serious health issues, but am thoroughly HAPPY with where I am today. I have never owned much of a home {our old one is falling apart} and now we have a very nice solidly built house and can't complain. I consider us to be "wealthy" in the fact that we love each other, and can pay our bills the day they come in the mail, are never behind, have excellent credit, and have some for the proverbial rainy day in the Credit Union. I feel "lucky" everyday, and am THANKFUL for each and every day.

It only took me 52 years to get where I am now. I have learned materialistic things DON'T make me happy/ier. Money to buy them DOESN'T make me happy/ier. Love and attention and support from MOH {and others who do} goes a long way towards happiness, and I wouldn't dream of changing the outcome of the last 15 years with MOH for anything, even when things aren't so rosy between us. Even when we as a couple were un/under employed and struggling to make ends meet.

I am HAPPIEST when I can give of myself, goods or services, and yes, sometimes even money, to help others lower than I, for them to simply survive in this world.

When you are down, the only place to go is UP.

Happiness and wealth are all relative. Relative to what? one's own perceptions.

Last edited by galaxyhi; 12-27-2015 at 06:49 AM..
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Old 12-27-2015, 09:27 AM
 
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I think a lot of posters here live very simplistic or minimalistic lives. Almost no travelling, little dating, very few friends, very few social functions, minimal wardrobe, rarely eat out, outdated furniture/appliances, hobbies that require little to no money, stay home most of the time, basically a life that barely requires any money.

They are probably 'healthy' for the moment and never run into any legal trouble whatsoever. They cannot possibly imagine why anyone would need so much money in the first place.

I consider those people just going through the motions of life and not really living. That's just my opinion.
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Old 12-27-2015, 09:31 AM
 
24,799 posts, read 26,927,364 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arrieros81 View Post
I always liked dreamers... their optimism and seeming to exist in a nicer, prettier version of the pragmatic world around them.
Their lives often don't look as pretty when they get older. Of course, I'm sure there are exceptions.

Quote:
Originally Posted by arrieros81 View Post
I'm sure I'm around more successful people than unsuccessful people, whatever somebody's definition of 'success' is, but regarding financial success I don't run in crowds where people openly talk about investments or wealth. The financially successful people in my life hardly talk about money at all (at least around me), and have fairly mundane, low-key jobs and lives. That's why I'm on this forum so that I can get some exposure to people who are willing to talk about finances and investments.
Many don't talk about money until they need some. As I said, I have been no the other end of this. I hope you won't be.
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