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Old 03-15-2017, 04:49 PM
 
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I'm not cheap per se but I don't **** money away. I occasionally go to Broadway shows and spend $300 on my hair 3x a year. Other than that, I don't really spend money. My dad is the opposite. He doesn't eat leftovers, he spends $20/day on lottery, he keeps the heat at 78-80, he buys what he wants at grocery without looking at sales, he has a paid off timeshare that he hasn't used in 5 years but pays the yearly fee instead of turning it in. He is a retired CO so he has income but he still lives check to check. Credit is his method of payment and he makes minimum payments on the due dates.
He will eventually come to live with me and I don't have a pension for life and I have to be on a budget. I'm ok with buying my own food and continuing my plan but it might seem passive aggressive to him. His philosophy is life is short but that's why he's 66, has never owned a house, constantly in 40k cc debt, is thrown off if his check is delayed, etc.
I'm just trying to figure out how to navigate the situation bc I don't want to be some bossy nag. One positive is the baseboard heat allows him to roast his room and not the entire house.
Anyone else have this problem with a non SO that was amicably solved? I'm really not interested in arguing about it but I'm not trying to spend extra money or be the warden, either.
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Old 03-15-2017, 04:57 PM
 
Location: North State (California)
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$20 a day on gambling seems like a problem to me. Does he have any siblings or friends that you can turn to for help? Good luck, you are in a tough spot.
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Old 03-15-2017, 05:00 PM
 
Location: Gilbert, AZ
3,003 posts, read 1,699,834 times
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As long as he's not asking you for money I don't see the point in worrying about it for now. He'll spend his money how he wants, and unless he's asking for advice I'd just stay out of it. You're unlikely to change his behavior, and just end up stressing yourself out.


If the time comes when he would be moving into your house, it's probably best to have a discussion about money before the actual move. Explain what you expect from him, if anything, in terms of $$ for utilities, food, etc. It wouldn't hurt to write it down too.
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Old 03-15-2017, 05:48 PM
 
3,448 posts, read 1,497,894 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by evening sun View Post
$20 a day on gambling seems like a problem to me. Does he have any siblings or friends that you can turn to for help? Good luck, you are in a tough spot.
No, they are all the same way. He comes from a big Puerto Rican family in the Bronx. Playing numbers is just part of their lives.
I tried explaining that it's a poor man tax and if he had invested it blah blah. His wife spends the same amount. They win enough to keep the dream alive. Lol
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Old 03-15-2017, 05:52 PM
 
Location: Raleigh NC
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omg, so when he passes, you will be on the hook for 40K in debt?
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Old 03-15-2017, 05:55 PM
 
3,448 posts, read 1,497,894 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hikernut View Post
As long as he's not asking you for money I don't see the point in worrying about it for now. He'll spend his money how he wants, and unless he's asking for advice I'd just stay out of it. You're unlikely to change his behavior, and just end up stressing yourself out.


If the time comes when he would be moving into your house, it's probably best to have a discussion about money before the actual move. Explain what you expect from him, if anything, in terms of $$ for utilities, food, etc. It wouldn't hurt to write it down too.
No, he doesn't ask me for anything. He does a lot for me. I just wish he would change a few things like if you're going to pay the minimum on the cc, at least pay the day the statement closes instead of the due date since it helps with interest. The original goal was that he would buy the house with his VA loan but I didn't see any possible way to get his dti within range unless I loaned him money to pay off his cc but I realized that would be stupid for me if he died.

We already have a basic arrangement for him moving in but I just need him to understand that I'm not going to have the heat on 80 or buy a $10 roast and feed 80% to the dogs.
But like you said, no sense in stressing out now.
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Old 03-15-2017, 05:56 PM
 
3,448 posts, read 1,497,894 times
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Originally Posted by Stagemomma View Post
omg, so when he passes, you will be on the hook for 40K in debt?
No, I'm his kid. His debt isn't my problem.
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Old 03-15-2017, 07:30 PM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,547 posts, read 3,013,293 times
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Having been in a powerful position at his work, he is probably used to living the same way he did while working.

His finances aren't your business. The heat & groceries are. Let him know you are on a hamburger budget & if he needs roasts, he will have to purchase them himself. As for the heat; that's a tough one. You will just have to work it out.

Good luck. That's meant in a good way. I believe you can work it out.
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Old 03-15-2017, 07:42 PM
 
Location: Central IL
13,399 posts, read 7,146,559 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stagemomma View Post
omg, so when he passes, you will be on the hook for 40K in debt?
Why would that happen? He's not married to his dad....they aren't co-signed on cards or other debt...since when are kids liable for parental debt?
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Old 03-15-2017, 07:49 PM
 
Location: Middle America
35,821 posts, read 39,399,524 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stagemomma View Post
omg, so when he passes, you will be on the hook for 40K in debt?
Nope.
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