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Old 08-15-2010, 11:26 AM
Location: United States
464 posts, read 636,221 times
Reputation: 767


Originally Posted by NCyank View Post
It's like they aren't satisfied unless we are doing with our money what they think they have to do with theirs. No, they can't afford to save for college but they go out to eat 10 times as often as we do.

We don't bring it up intentionally but when folks ask about car payments or such and we just say we don't have one they inevitably say 'Well, that won't last long...you'll need a new car eventually. Everyone has a car payment and you'll be back into one soon.' We just smile and nod and don't bother to tell them we are saving up cash for our next car too. If they knew they might say something like, 'Well, it must be nice.' or 'I wish I was so lucky not to have to have a car payment.' Like luck has anything to do with it. NOT!!
You have identified it, people realize that you are successfully managing your money and minimizing your expenses and they are confronted with the fact that they are less than successful at doing so. Then the sad reality of their situation sets in.....they have failed to improve their situation. For many people, being cognizant of their financial reality hurts.

Sad truth is that many people are owned by their possessions.
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Old 08-15-2010, 06:39 PM
5,748 posts, read 10,510,346 times
Reputation: 4494
You might want to introduce your friends to this blog...

Not Eating Out in New York

I eat out WAY too much, but it's hard for me not to be inspired by her experience, and her book is charming.

As far as your friends go, well, do what makes you happy and don't worry about it. Just thank them for their concern. Or, you could choose to be a bit more confrontational about it and ask them why it matters so much to them. If it were me, I'd just change the subject.
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Old 08-17-2010, 10:52 PM
5,703 posts, read 15,506,761 times
Reputation: 8514
I can relate to the OP. We also stopped eating out so much. We probably eat a meal out once every couple of months by choice. A few relatives were very concerned about us. lol. First it was we must be having money problems and when they realized we were fine, then its that we are not living enough. Personally, I have better meals at home.
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Old 08-17-2010, 10:55 PM
2,385 posts, read 3,707,090 times
Reputation: 2395
Originally Posted by Caladium View Post
I just don't get it. Do I just have a wierd family or have others had the same experience?
they might feel guilty of not being more frugal themselves, but can't own it, and turn those guilty feelings into aggression and take them out on you and your husband.
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Old 08-18-2010, 07:35 AM
Location: Downtown Orlando, FL
573 posts, read 1,438,632 times
Reputation: 544
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948 View Post
you could be right, it could be a fad, but then again, so could spelling.
Couldn't rep ya, had to spread the love around...buah ha haaaa!

Back to the OP...I have a friend who is constantly telling me how I should spend my money. We both were in the same situation about 6 years ago. In debt and unhappy. We both filed for bankruptcy in the same year. The difference is I learned a valuable lesson and he hasn't.

Since then I have gone to school at a decent university where my boss paid my tuition (about $4000 - $5000 a year), I've paid off my car, I've bought a house, I've earned my credit cards back but only use them in emergency, I have funded an IRA, and I have accumulated 3 months of living expenses.

Since then he has gone to school at the same university but a night program, which is significantly higher, he voluntarily re-po'd his $40,000 car and bought (with his parent's money) a $10,000 car, was foreclosed on, racked up his credit cards and is currently not paying on any of them, has no investments, and is living off his salary AND his student loan debt. Why someone would treat a student loan as disposable income is beyond me.

Now taking that into account, I've gone to a few live shows here in there and usually take long weekends 2 or 3 times a year for vacations, stuff like camping or visiting friends up north. He's been all over the country to attend expensive festivals and bought the t-shirt to each one, if you know what I mean.

He's in the banking business and I'm currently refinancing my house with his bank. He keeps telling me to pull extra money out of the re-fi so I can do this to the house, do that to the house. No thanks...I'd just like my monthly payment lower.

And to those who say paying off the house early is hogwash, to some of us it's security. I am a numbers person, and I understand that if I have a decent investment that beats my interest rate that it would be worth it to stick an extra payment in a different account instead of my home. But psychologically nothing beats having a house paid off.
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Old 08-18-2010, 07:47 AM
22,770 posts, read 25,213,574 times
Reputation: 14506
sales representatives feel threatened by my frugality, yes.

particularly those in the real estate biz.
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Old 08-18-2010, 04:04 PM
53 posts, read 40,614 times
Reputation: 51
Originally Posted by Woof Woof Woof! View Post
Haven't you heard? Frugal is in!
Then my parents and grandparents were way cool..
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