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Old 05-01-2009, 08:08 AM
 
Location: Virginia
18,717 posts, read 26,060,778 times
Reputation: 42834

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My husband and I happened to go out to dinner with several family members, a group of about 20. He just mentioned in passing that it was the first time we've eaten out in months.

He wasn't even bragging about it, just mentioning it. You should have seen how defensive everyone else became. The questions came flying fast and furious. At first I thought people were concerned about us. But as soon as we established we're not cooking at home because we're in trouble they started trying to change our minds. Like it was a really crucial matter to them.

For Pete's sake, we've just decided it's a smart way to live and because I happen to enjoy cooking. I can't believe they were acting as if where we decide to eat is somehow threatening!

Since then, everytime I talk with someone there's this push to get us to go eat out more. Like it matters to them that we live the same way they do.

I don't know how to react except to let them say what they want to say and try to not react. I'm big on changing the subject and letting things die down due to lack of attention. But it just threw me to see how offended people were to hear that we've decided not to eat in restaurants.

I just don't get it. Do I just have a wierd family or have others had the same experience?
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Old 05-01-2009, 08:59 AM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,426 posts, read 35,731,620 times
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I don't see why you think they are 'threatened by your frugality'....

They are doing what they want to do, and you aren't going to change that. So, no threat as far as I see.
Doesn't sound like they were 'offended' either.

Seems to me that is it just family concern! They want you out with them in social situations. Maybe you can invite them for a home-cooked meals instead of going to a restaurant.
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Old 05-01-2009, 10:58 AM
 
15,197 posts, read 16,049,554 times
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We live in a small house although we could afford more. We've paid it off and are saving for a kitchen remodel. I haven't had anyone who seemed threatened by any of that, but many people seem puzzled by it. I've gotten quizzical looks when I said we've paid our house off and my SIL said we should just borrow the money and remodel the kitchen and both bathrooms at once. She acted like it was just dumb to save up for it.
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Old 05-01-2009, 11:43 AM
 
77 posts, read 209,470 times
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I have not experienced your problems and i do not see it as a problem in the first place. I need more detail about what the non-frugal people are saying to figure out if they are attacking you.
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Old 05-01-2009, 11:55 AM
 
26,589 posts, read 52,965,749 times
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I'm really thinking that you are misreading them. I can't imagine being threatened by a frugal person, although I've got to say that I've met a few that took frugality to the very extreme--including a woman who hung up paper towels used to dry hands to dry and reuse. Why she didn't just use a cloth towel like anyone else would is beyond me.
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Old 05-02-2009, 06:34 AM
 
Location: Virginia
18,717 posts, read 26,060,778 times
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Well, I'm glad to hear it's just my family's wierdness. They tend to want everyone to walk in lock-step, so anytime someone does something "different" they try very hard to push that person back to "normal" behavior. We still haven't been forgiven for moving to a new state (they all still live in the same small town!)

Oh well, guess they'll get used to it. Because I like our frugal habits. We don't do everything suggested on this forum, but we have picked up some good new habits. And the more I live this way the more I like it.

I started cooking at home to save money, but found many other reasons to like it:
a) I enjoy it
b) cooking is something fun to do with my husband (he likes chopping the veggies, gets out his aggressions) and
c) less exposure to the flu, or whatever else is going around.
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Old 05-02-2009, 09:05 PM
 
Location: Moku Nui, Hawaii
9,316 posts, read 17,961,653 times
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Next time they start in with the going out to eat thing, perhaps you could inquire which restaurant would be a good choice to go to? Just don't tell them you aren't gonna go, but listen to them as if their advice is crucial to your lifestyle and they should be appeased. Later, when they ask if you went out to eat, well, get creative about how you really wanted to go out but your cat had a fever and you couldn't leave them home alone, you didn't want to miss the next episode of "I Love Lucy", you had to stay home and watch the dog play, etc. I suppose a bit more creativity on your excuses would seem a bit more plausible, but I have a low tolerance for folks suggesting what I should be doing with myself.
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Old 05-03-2009, 06:41 PM
 
Location: Right where I want to be.
4,507 posts, read 7,827,141 times
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I'm not sure if 'threatened' is the word I would use...but being frugal sure makes some folks uncomfortable. We sometimes hear it from family and friends, even when they know we are trying to pay off our house and save cash for the kids to go to school instead of taking out loans. It's like they aren't satisfied unless we are doing with our money what they think they have to do with theirs. No, they can't afford to save for college but they go out to eat 10 times as often as we do.

We don't bring it up intentionally but when folks ask about car payments or such and we just say we don't have one they inevitably say 'Well, that won't last long...you'll need a new car eventually. Everyone has a car payment and you'll be back into one soon.' We just smile and nod and don't bother to tell them we are saving up cash for our next car too. If they knew they might say something like, 'Well, it must be nice.' or 'I wish I was so lucky not to have to have a car payment.' Like luck has anything to do with it. NOT!!
Same thing for credit cards, student loans and such. We just don't have them...mostly because being frugal allowed us to pay them all off years ago and we decided we like having cash more than debt. We're aiming for the house now and folks still like to tell us we are doing the wrong thing by paying it off early...a mortgage is 'good debt' don't you know (along with student loans). Hmmm....I remember when DH was unemployed and having the mortgage and student loans looming every month didn't feel so good.
Anyway, there is a bit of resentment....or something....when people are faced with frugality done well. Like they feel bad spending so much by comparison or that we should be unhappy, maybe with holes in our clothes or eating nothing but ramen noodles and pb&j all the time. Now, I don't know why they feel resentful...if we are going out to eat I make sure to bring a coupon for dinner that will cover all of our meals, not just DH and I. LOL
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Old 05-03-2009, 06:47 PM
 
26,589 posts, read 52,965,749 times
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Depending on your income, it might not be a good idea to pay off the house--yoor money might be better off in some sort of investment account. (There are some that are "safe.") Talk to a tax professional or financial planner about it.
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Old 05-03-2009, 08:45 PM
 
13,711 posts, read 22,838,286 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by annerk View Post
Depending on your income, it might not be a good idea to pay off the house--yoor money might be better off in some sort of investment account. (There are some that are "safe.") Talk to a tax professional or financial planner about it.
Like when?
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